


Til The Casket Drops

by jynx



Series: Whatever Happens Here, We Remain [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Addiction recovery, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bail is an Awesome Friend, Dreamwalking, Everyone Needs Therapy, Healing, Jedi purge, Losing Ones Way, M/M, Medical issues, Mental Health Issues, Post-Order 66, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, The Force Is Weird, Treat, alcohol recovery, clone deaths, dark themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2019-09-05 09:01:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 58,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16807552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jynx/pseuds/jynx
Summary: “How do you go on?” Vos asked quietly.“Spite,” Obi-Wan said, pouring more alcohol into Vos’s empty glass. “Liquor.”“That’s a shit way to live,” Vos protested even as he picked up his glass.Obi-Wan’s lips twitched. “Occasionally take out weapons depots and fuck up the Empire’s plans.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wrennette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrennette/gifts), [Cuzosu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuzosu/gifts).



> Technically this is for 2 people because it's kind of both their faults? Wrennette's fault for starting this whole mess in the first place. Cuzosu because, let's be real, they kind of egged it on in the first place and then it grew and ehhh.... >_>
> 
> It's still a WIP and I'm trying to wrap it up as it fights me. On many, many levels. *cough* But I'm posting at as SLWalker got on me to post it. SLWalker and Shadowmaat have been AMAZING betas? And let me whine endlessly as I've panicked. ShaeTiaan too, uh, for letting me wail and flail about Cody and motivations. 
> 
> (dont kill me)
> 
> SO MUCH LOVE to SL-Walker and Shadowmaat for the beta! And handholding. Omg, the HANDHOLDING they've been doing as I panic my little heart out.

He didn't know why he was here--on this planet, in this cantina--until the other man slunk up to the bar and ordered them both a drink. He glanced at the man, taking in the new scars on brown skin, the gold tattoos he couldn't quite hide, the black hair he was trying to style differently and snorted. Quinlan Vos would always look, and feel, like Quinlan Vos. There wasn't a damned thing the man could do that would easily hide, not from him. Obi-Wan had seen him in far too many of his disguises through the years. 

"So," Obi-Wan said, downing the drink that barely burned on its weak way down, without looking at Vos. "You're alive." He wasn't sure how he felt about that, not that he allowed himself to feel much these days. 

"So're you," the other said quietly, leaning heavily on the bartop. He gestured for the bartender to just leave the bottle and tossed down unmarked credits for the man's troubles. The bartender scooped up the credits and left them alone. Vos didn't look at him, staring straight ahead so as to not draw the unnecessary attention. "That was a surprise." 

"Was it really?" Obi-Wan asked, trying not to smirk. He thought it was somewhat poetic, honestly, to be one of the few people left alive when his world continued to burn down around him because of what he had done, because of the path he can walked, the methods he had used. The Galaxy was in ruins because he hadn't been careful enough with a bright, blond boy's heart and trust. "Is my memory going already? I could have sworn you used to yell at me about how I had the Sith's own luck and nothing would ever touch me. Seems maybe you cursed me instead." 

Vos was quiet for a moment before picking up the bottle, both their glasses, and heading to a table in a back corner. Obi-Wan watched him go, eyes narrowed, and considered following. He also considered leaving, but there was an insistent trill from the Force saying he should not easily dismiss Vos. He followed with a sigh and a slouching walk, keeping up appearances as a no-good smuggler, and threw himself into the booth opposite Vos. 

"What?" Obi-Wan demanded. 

"I knew you were alive after Knightfall," Vos said quietly, "since you changed the beacon. Still alive since the Emperor and Vader are demanding your head on a pike? Not really. You were never good at backing down from a challenge, especially when there was a chance to right a wrong. I'm glad you're alive, though. There's not a lot of us left, even fewer friends." 

That was true enough. "I can take care of myself," Obi-Wan pointed out. He didn't mention the sheer amount of close calls, or who Vader was, or any other pieces of information that Quinlan Vos might eventually use to barter for who knew what. That was who Quinlan Vos was, after all, or at least who he had become and Obi-Wan wasn't exactly sure who that was anymore. Obi-Wan trusted his friend, but only as much he he trusted anyone else these days--which was barely. He had no reason to. Anakin had seen to that. 

"That's not the point, Ben," Vos muttered, pouring them drinks. "I know, all right? About Vader." 

Obi-Wan grabbed the drink and tossed it back before slamming the glass down on the table, barely avoiding shattering it from the force. Vos's lips twitched and he filled it again. "If you know what's good for you, you'll keep your mouth shut," he said through gritted teeth. Vader took pleasure in stamping out any hint of his old life, and if Vos tried to spread it through the Galaxy he would find himself very dead very fast. Sithspit, barely any of the 501st was still alive at this point, for all that Vader had jealously kept them so close to him. Between Palpatine, and Vader's own rage, the men never stood a chance. 

Obi-Wan wasn't sure if he was sad for them, for the wasted deaths, or viciously pleased at them being put down after they had so ruthlessly razed the Temple and efficiently killed every non-combatant. Whatever his feelings, those men were at rest now. Peace was not something he was willing to wish for them just yet. Eventually, maybe, but not just yet. 

Vos shrugged. "You know I never liked the kid," he said. "He had a possessive streak a mile wide, especially when it came to you. I'm not surprised." 

Obi-Wan had been. It had been his undoing in so many ways. 

Vos nudged the bottle closer to him as he sipped his own drink slower. "Do you know…?" he asked hesitantly. 

"Not many," Obi-Wan said, filling his glass. "Not her." 

Vos nodded slowly. "I felt the bond break," he said. "It was weak but we kept tabs on each other. She was too close to that Commander of hers, well. Kit's. I still...I had hope." He set the glass down and slumped in his seat, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth. 

Obi-Wan drank, watching Vos intently. After four years he had allowed himself to come to terms with certain truths of what had happened at the end of the war. It looked like Vos had not, and Obi-Wan wasn't actually sure how to handle that. If he even wanted to. He was no longer that person, the one to care and care and give and give until there was nothing left. As for hope? He barely believed in such a concept anymore. 

"How do you go on?" Vos asked quietly. 

"Spite," Obi-Wan said, pouring more alcohol into Vos's empty glass. "Liquor." 

"That's a shit way to live," Vos protested even as he picked up his glass. 

Obi-Wan's lips twitched. "Occasionally take out weapons depots and fuck up the Empire's plans." Be even more infuriated when he ran across _his men_ and they didn't feel right or know him and he was forced to kill them. He'd seen Odd Ball and a few more members of Ghost not two weeks ago; they were dead now. He prayed to the Force he never ran into his Commander. He didn't think his heart could handle it, even if he knew he would do what he would have to. 

"That's more like it," Vos said, a ghost of a smile crossing his face. 

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Like I said--spite." 

"You've always run on spite," Vos said, sipping his drink and toying with the glass. 

"More or less," Obi-Wan admitted. A beat passed, then two, and he looking out over the cantina room. "Why are you here, Quin? Did you just come to reminisce? Because if that's the case, you found the wrong man to do it with. I'm not the person you remember from before." He didn't want to be, either. That man, that Jedi, deserved to burn on Mustafar with every belief and hope and wish for the future he had so blindly held dear. Master Kenobi--General, Jedi, what did it matter--was burning away to nothing there as surely as Anakin had. 

Vos poured them both more drinks and Obi-Wan took his with a raised eyebrow. "There are so few of us left," he said. "And we were friends, ages ago, and then later as well." Obi-Wan arched a brow, hiding his smirk behind his glass. "We were. That's not something I made up." 

"We were," Obi-Wan agreed. "You just have a very interesting memory." Vos frowned at him and Obi-Wan snickered, finishing off his drink. He wasn't going to open that door unless Quinlan Vos did, and he highly doubted the other man was going to. Obi-Wan knew the rumors, the likely truths to his friend's actions, the probability to why he was only now looking Obi-Wan up. 

"I do, do I?" Vos asked, straightening out of his slump. "And how's that?" 

"How's that fem you were chasing through the whole war?" Obi-Wan asked, cutting to the chase. "Didn't I hear somewhere she was pregnant?" Vos stared at him and Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, grabbing the bottle. It was almost empty. Vos had gotten them shit liquor; he would get the next bottle and make sure it was worth the coin he paid. "Oh, please. You're not the only one who had an information network, and mine was set up by Qui-Gon." 

"I'd forgotten how much an asshole you can be," Vos said, a note of awe in his voice. 

Obi-Wan poured the rest of the bottle into Vos's glass. "While you try and work up the courage to ask what you want, I'm going to get us some actual alcohol." He slid out of the booth and went up to the bar, the empty in his hand, and waved down the bartender. He handed over the empty bottle of liquor, knowing full well they'd fill it up with something else again, and asked for a bottle of unopened whisky. When the bartender tried to protest, Obi-Wan tossed down the right amount of currency for the area to shut the man up. He didn't particularly care about money, these days, since it was easy enough to come by when you didn't care about morals or the law or any of the things a Jedi clung so tightly to--but he did care about his alcohol. There was so little else to care about in the Galaxy these days. 

He returned to the table and Vos and set the bottle down. 

"You weren't kidding about spite and liquor," Vos said with a low whistle. 

Obi-Wan shrugged and finished off his glass of whatever-it-was that Vos had bought. "Not really, no," he said. "It helps keep the memories at bay and it also keeps you warm when nothing else will." 

Vos smirked at him. "Still don't like going to the brothels?" he asked. 

"The reputable brothels have wanted posters with my face on them," Obi-Wan pointed out. "I'm not about to chance years of torture just for a fuck. The unreputable brothels feel wrong in the Force and I've had enough of that for one lifetime." He wouldn't mention the few times he'd tried them anyway and ended up almost killing the poor men he'd paid when they'd accidentally hit a trigger he hadn't even known he had. His desire for a strong body against his, a certain look, a certain type of cocky and exasperated attitude always started out so well until it tripped something inside him that sent him into survival mode--lashing out with the Force and fist. 

War. It fucked with your head. So did the aftermath, apparently. 

Vos cracked open the whisky and poured them both generous amounts. "How come we never hooked up when we were younger?" he asked after a moment. "I mean, you worked your way through most of the Senate Aides and some of the other Padawans, but never tried anything with me." 

Obi-Wan stared at him, glass half-way to his mouth. "That's what you're leading with?" He hadn't expected that. He knew what Vos was here, really here, after all--his son was at the age of needing a teacher and who better than the stuffiest Jedi Quinlan Vos knew? It wasn't going to happen, of course; Obi-Wan would happily send Vos onto Tholme and leave it at that. 

"Call it curiosity," Vos said with a smile. 

"Quinlan Vos, you oblivious fuck," Obi-Wan sighed as he took a testing sip fo the liquor. Dammit, they had watered it down and resealed it. He was never drinking here again. Vos was wincing his way through his drink and, well, Obi-Wan supposed it had a nice burn if you didn't know what real whisky was _supposed_ to taste like. He tossed the swill back and set the glass down. "I tried. Short of stripping down and crawling into your bed one night, I tried. You were extremely intent on chasing skirts. S-Siri laughed herself sick right before I gave up." 

Vos stared at him, almost outraged, but didn't call him on the stutter. "When was this?" he demanded, shoulders rolled back and chest thrust forward. How inanely adorable. They were so much older now and still Quinlan Vos postured like a prepubescent child. 

Obi-Wan shrugged, turning and stretching out along the bench seat. His leg was acting up and needed the room or else it would lock up. "Think I was sixteen, maybe? It wasn't that long after that training we did together." 

Vos nodded slowly, nursing his drink as Obi-Wan poured himself another. "Kind of explains some of the comments she kept making toward me around then, I guess, and later too." 

Obi-Wan had years--four of them--of suppressing his twitch-response to the mention of friends from the past. He isolated himself, not just in the Alliance but in general, because that was how he survived. He let himself become hardened and bitter and inside he raged and screamed and was nothing but an open wound that would never properly heal, but he was so very good at making sure no one ever guessed or saw. He had Luke to look after, a Rebellion to usher into fruition, and an Empire to destroy. No one would listen to him, or work with him, if it was clear he was falling to pieces. Spite, as he had said, was a wonderful motivator even if it wasn't exactly the Jedi way. 

And what did the Jedi way matter these days? The Jedi were dead, thanks in a decent part to him. Oh, he couldn't take all the credit. His ego wasn't that large, but his fingerprints were there if one knew how to look. Vader, after all, was partly his creation and look at what he had wrought. So what use did he have for the Path of the Jedi now? 

"Well, what do you say?" Vos asked, tossing his drink back. "Want to give it a go now?" 

Obi-Wan stared at him, startled out of his thoughts. "Excuse me?" 

"You, me, a bed somewhere," Vos said with as charming a smile as he could manage. It pulled at a scar on his face. "It would be--" 

"If you're trying to soften me up for something--" Obi-Wan started with a scowl. If Vos actually tried something with him he was very tempted to introduce the other man to the sharp end of a blade. He wasn't in the mood to deal with Vos. 

"Actually, I'm trying to get you hard," Vos interrupted. 

"Did this shit actually work on your females?" Obi-Wan demanded, debating the merit of getting up and storming out versus leaving the subpar whisky. 

He reached out and poured himself another glass. 

Vos shrugged. "Sometimes," he said, an almost worried look on his face. "Not like sex is really on the table with how much you've been drinking, though." 

Obi-Wan sneered at him. "Didn't you know, Quin? All things are possible with the Force." 

Vos stared at him and then shuddered. "Never say that again." 

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and drained half his glass in one go. Why should he agree to such things when it wasn't like Quinlan Vos was going to stick around. No one ever did. He was the waystation for what few Jedi survived, and sometimes he was all right with that, and sometimes he wanted to scream about the unfairness of it. Better, part of him whispered, that they get away from him as fast as possible. Who knew what else he could destroy if they stayed close enough to him. Look at what he'd already destroyed. 

"You're falling apart," Vos said softly. The Force tasted like worry and regret. 

Obi-Wan saluted him with his glass and a smirk. "Astute." He finished off his glass and contemplated the bottle. He could probably get away with taking it with him--he'd paid for it after all. Vos wasn't drinking anymore, hadn't touched it after the first glass, and that was just a waste. All of that aside, Obi-Wan was done--utterly done--with this conversation. Vos wasn't going to ask his question and so Obi-Wan would not send him along to Tholme, and even if Vos was serious about sex? That was just laughable. The last time, aside from the brothels, had been before just before landing on Utapau and Co--no. He found the cork for the bottle and slammed it back in, sealing the whisky away. "As much fun as this has been, and it has been a blast, I think I'm done now." 

"You always were so attached," Vos said as Obi-Wan slid out of the booth and got to his feet. "To everyone. When's the last time you actually dealt with what happened?" 

"The last time I tried to kill a brothel whore who looked a little too much like the Commander who tried to kill me," Obi-Wan said, grabbing the neck of the bottle and tossing Vos a lazy salute. Vos looked at the wall, a tightness to his mouth. "You never asked what you wanted to." 

"I was going to ask for your help," Vos said. "But you're the one who needs help, Ben." 

"No one can help me," Obi-Wan said, eyes narrowed. And he didn't want help. He wanted to be left alone to burn to ashes like he should have in the first place. 

Vos slid out of the booth too and stood before Obi-Wan, using his height to unfair advantage to crowd Obi-Wan against the wall. "Are you sure?" he asked. "Or are you just afraid of letting someone else in?" 

Obi-Wan pushed away from Vos, from his question, from the what-ifs and what-might-have beens and headed toward the space port. He could finish the whisky in his ship before he headed back to Tatooine. He needed to look in on Luke. His life, what was left of it, revolved around a child he couldn't trust himself to be near. Not that Owen would let him near anyway. 

He was halfway there when Vos caught up to him, a hand on his wrist, and tugged him around for an unexpected kiss. His eyes widened as Quinlan Vos's hands cupped his face and held onto his hip, kissing him like time had no meaning and Obi-Wan was the only person who mattered to him. 

It had been so long since anyone had ever kissed him, touched him, that way. Not since Co--. Obi-Wan let himself melt into the kiss for a moment before remembering where they were and why drawing attention was such a bad idea. He pulled away from the other, licking his lips, and trying to get his breath under control. 

"I'm coming with you," Vos said quietly, his hand grabbing onto Obi-Wan's wrist. "Ben. Let me come with you. We've both been alone too long." 

Obi-Wan hesitated and then pulled free, heading back to his ship. He didn't hear Vos following and stopped a few paces ahead, cursing at himself. He shouldn't allow this. He should just ignore the other man and send him home to his son and that good-for-nothing fem. He didn't want to be saved, didn't want to be a project, didn't want to explore a might-have-been. 

He also, sadly, didn't want to be alone anymore. 

He turned back and, rolling his eyes, asked: "Well? Are you coming or not? This whisky isn't going to drink itself." 


	2. Chapter 2

Obi-Wan checked his comm again and frowned. No, the message hadn't changed. He propped his boots--scuffed with scarred leather and not just in need of a polish but probably of a replacement--on the navpanel and considered ignoring the request. It was, at this point, a request from a friend and nothing more. If he let it go any longer it would become a much more strongly worded summons that he could not ignore without certain consequences. 

"What's got you in such a mood?" Quin asked, coming into the cockpit with two mugs and a pinched look on his face. 

Obi-Wan took the extra mug and moved his legs so Quin could sit in the other seat unobstructed. He sipped the hot liquid--tea--and made a face. He tugged a flask out of a pocket on his belt and poured in enough to bring the liquid in the cup to the rim. He ignored the look Quin sent him and took another sip; much better. 

"You ever think maybe you should cut back on the alcohol?" Quin asked, cradling his mug against his stomach. 

"You ever think you should shut up?" Obi-Wan asked, closing his eyes and tipping his head back. 

Silence. 

Oh, Quin had meant it to be a serious question. Well, then. Obi-Wan thought for a moment, honestly trying to examine the idea of sobering up from a logical and unbiased point of view. The Galaxy was an awful, horrible place currently and not even having someone else on board his tiny ship with him for the past two months had made it any better. In some ways, it had only added to the stress. Quin wanted him to meditate with him, to practice with his lightsaber, to _be a Jedi_ and Obi-Wan would rather shove himself out the airlock than try any of those. 

Certainly not touch his lightsaber. 

He hadn't powered it up since Mustafar and the Force only knew what would happen if he tried now. The heat and dust would not have done the delicate matrixes any good, and the less said about the crystals the better. Sometimes, when he hadn't had enough to drink, Obi-Wan swore he could hear them crying in the Force. The same cry of his heart--an eternal and endless wail that would never end. 

Quin drew a breath, obviously about to say something, but Obi-Wan opened his eyes. "You don't want me sober," he said quietly, draining half of his doctored tea before setting it aside and bringing them out of hyperspace. He had a call to make and he couldn't catch the right relays from hyperspace. "Me sober would be a very, very bad idea." 

"How do you know?" Quin asked. 

"Because I've been drinking for a lot longer than just the Purge," Obi-Wan said. 

A sharp intake of air, which Obi-Wan ignored, as they dropped into the black nothingness of space. They were on the edges of somewhere, barely anywhere that counted for-- 

Ice danced along his spine and he reached for the tea, draining it in one go. He knew where they were. He had been here once before, with Anakin and Ahsoka, on a mission that had happened but hadn't at the same time. He felt his pulse picked up and he reached for his flask again, tipping it to empty the contents into the mug to find it empty. Fuck. 

"Ben?" Quin asked, concern in every line of his body. 

Obi-Wan swallowed thickly and set the mug and flask aside with hands that barely shook. He didn't want to be here. He had a call to make. _Focus on the call, Kenobi, focus on the situation at hand. You used to be good at that. Compartmentalize. Fall apart later._

He set the holocomm on the dash and hit the comm designation he wanted. He slouched in his seat and waited, both hands gripping his elbows tightly. "Bail," he said once it had connected. 

"Obi-Wan," Bail greeted with a smile that slowly faded into a frown. "You look awful." 

"What do you want?" Obi-Wan asked, looked away. He knew perfectly well what he looked like these days, thank you very much. He needed better sleep, better food, a better _life_ \--things he wasn't going to get any time soon. He was too thin, his face too angular with dark circles under his eyes, and his hair was getting just a tad too long. He'd shaved the beard off years ago and it was only due to the wanted posters that he continued to shave at all. Quin tried to feed him but Obi-Wan didn't honestly care too much for food these days; the Wars had seen to killing what little appetite he had. Rations were easier to come by anyway and did the job just as well. 

"I'd like you to visit Alderaan," Bail said. "The sooner, the better." 

"That's about a week of travel," Quin said. "Doable, but--" 

"Who is that?" Bail asked, voice sharp. 

Obi-Wan sighed and gestured, the holocomm going flying with too much Force use. Shit. He had no control anymore, almost as bad as an Ini--no. Don't go there, Kenobi. Quinlan caught the comm with a worried look at him but gave bail a cheery smile. 

"Master Quinlan Vos, at your service," he said. 

"Ben," Bail said, voice sharp. "You know as well as I do that two Masters traveling together is a bad idea." 

"Someone needs to make sure he crawls out of the bottle long enough to breathe," Quin said with a small smile. 

"I have a perfectly serviceable airlock," Obi-Wan said, letting his head fall back and closing his eyes again. His head was starting to hurt. "You would fit, wouldn't even need to break you in half to do so." 

"Considering you can't even manage a comm? I don't think you could manage _me_ ," Quin said quietly. 

It was a good thing they had already decided they did better as friends than lovers, because otherwise there was no way in all the Sithhells Quinlan Vos would ever be getting near him sexually again in the next _decade_. Obi-Wan kept his eyes close and tried not to look around them. He could pretend they were anywhere else if he did that; maybe they were near Naboo, or Mandalore, or even Coruscant--back how it used to be. They were just waiting, maybe, for a clearance pass, and then they could go _home_. 

"We'll be there in uh, seven days," Quin was saying, hands moving over the navigation controls. Obi-Wan sat up and Quin shot him a sharp look that had him settling back in his seat. "Can you transmit us a code to get through planetary security?" 

"When you get closer," Bail said. "You can get the frequency from our friend over there." 

"He's not--" 

"He is _fine_ ," Obi-Wan snapped. "And we are not--" 

"We'll see you soon, Senator," Quin said as he disconnected the comm and threw the ship back into hyperspace. Obi-Wan stared at him, outraged. Quin ignored him for a few moments as he verified that everything was operating perfectly before turning to him. "You need help. I can't help you." 

"You don't get to pass judgement on me, Vos," Obi-Wan hissed. 

"You were the only one to help me when I needed it," Quin said. "Coming in from the cold during the war was hard, but you helped me. You had a lot going on, but you didn't let me push you away. You need my help now, Obi, I'm not about to fall down on the job." 

Obi-Wan got to his feet, furious, and stalked out of the cockpit. He did not need help. He needed everyone to piss off and leave him alone to--to. He needed to just be left alone. Why couldn't anyone understand that? 

= 

Obi-Wan dreamed of hands. Warm, rough hands that for all they were deadly and efficient knew how to be tender too. They stroked his back, cradled the back of his skull, wrapped around his hip. Hands that would prepare him tea and take away the bottle he had been trying to make inroads on; they wouldn't hide it, just provide a better option. If tea didn't work, those hands would tempt him to bed. 

So often--nights and nights and days and campaign after campaign and even days off--those hands would beckon him to sleep. Warm hands calloused in places different than his own, scarred and wider than his own, strong and gentle with him and the Shinies...and a smile. Not the half-smirk he sometimes showed the world, but the softest smile he saved for behind closed doors. 

A smile--soft, fond, heartbreakingly full of an emotion they both knew they couldn't speak of--and hands that said the same. 

Obi-Wan woke with a choked cry. He sat up in bed, his own hands gripping his hair as he tried to get his breathing under control. He needed to calm down. He needed to not scream about the unfairness of everything. He needed...he needed… 

What did any of it matter? 

Control of oneself, restraint, any of it? 

He rubbed suddenly aching eyes and flopped back on the bed, rolling over to bury his face in the pillow, and _screamed_. He screamed until his lungs had no more air with which to scream with, until his head swam, and his throat felt raw from the force of his pain. He rolled away, just enough, to pull in huge lungfuls of air, shaking and his eyes wet. He wanted to keep screaming. He had so many reasons to scream. 

It didn't do any good, the screaming. 

If he gave in now, if he kept giving in, he would never stop. He would find a corner on a planet somewhere--or even go back to his hut on Tatooine--and scream until his body gave out. Even then, it would do no one any good. No amount of screaming, no amount of tears could possibly fix the gaping hole inside him. 

One day, maybe, the hole would swallow him whole and he simply wouldn't exist anymore and worrying about it wouldn't be a problem. Fuck, he hoped it was soon. It was so exhausting existing. 

He closed his eyes and saw hands, saw a fond smile. He got out of bed and went looking for the closest bottle. He couldn't deal with this right now. He couldn't. He needed to get some sleep. 

= 

Obi-Wan was going to kill Quinlan Vos if he didn't get away from the other man soon. They had landed on Alderaan and, before the ramp could lower, had been pinned against the cargo bay's wall by the taller man's bulk. 

"Ben, do me a favor?" Quin asked, cupping his jaw. 

"I'm doing you one right now by _not_ destroying you for _assuming_ ," Obi-Wan snapped, staying perfectly still. He was not fool enough to think he could break Quin's hold if the other decided to push the issue. 

"Keep an open mind," Quin said, kissing his cheek. "Think, don't react." 

"I think plenty," Obi-Wan muttered. 

Quin hesitated and tugged him closer, ignoring how stiff he was, and held him tight. "It's all going to be all right, I promise." 

Obi-Wan shoved him away and stalked down the ramp to where Bail was waiting. He had a Senate-perfect smile in place and spread his arms wide in welcome but Obi-Wan wasn't in the mood to play diplomat. 

"Why am I here?" he asked. 

"It's wonderful to see you too, Bail," the other man said, hands falling to his sides. "How's Breha, Bail? How have you been, Bail? I haven't seen you in years, Bail, it's been too long. Thank you for being there for me all those years ago, Bail." 

"Get fucked, Bail," Obi-Wan said with a roll of his eyes. 

"I have so missed your blinding wit," Bail said with a tight smile. He glanced behind Obi-Wan toward Quin. "Are the arrangements made?" 

"Arrangements?" Obi-Wan echoed, turning slowly. He stared in numb shock as Quin tossed two bags onto the ground that landed with a quiet _whump_ before jumping down from the landing ramp. He took a hasty step back as he realized Quinlan Vos _held his lightsaber_. He could hear the discordant song his crystals made, the way they clawed against what was left of his tattered shields, begging him to let them in. 

The relationship between a Jedi and their lightsaber was supposed to be a harmonious relationship, one of balance and trust, almost symbiotic. The Jedi did not pick the crystals for the 'saber, as opposed to popular belief; the crystals picked the Jedi. Obi-Wan's lightsaber held crystals from Jedha, a gift from a blind monk he had run into during the Wars as his old one had been destroyed in a fight against Grievous. They were of Kyber, and loud, but they had loved being with him. They shared their knowledge with him, their ancient song still so very much grounded in Jedha even lightyears away from that system, but they had chosen him. 

He took another stumbling step back, eyes locked on the lightsaber. He had failed them. He had betrayed their trust, just as easily as he had betrayed the trust so many had placed in him, in the Jedi as a whole. How could he...he couldn't. 

He needed a drink. 

"He had it stashed in the housing of the engine reactor," Quin said, handing it to Bail. "Try to go easy on him? I don't think everything in that head of his is his fault. Qui-Gon--" 

"I did meet the man," Bail said, tucking Obi-Wan's inside his jacket. "I'm aware of Master Jinn, his successes and his failures." 

"Qui-Gon didn't fail," Obi-Wan said quietly. 

Quinlan stared at him and then shook his head. "I'll let you deal with that one," he told Bail. "Keep me updated?" 

"Of course," Bail said, reaching out to Obi-Wan and seizing him by the bicep. "Have a safe journey, Master Vos." 

"Journey?" Obi-Wan asked, eyes narrowed. He turned to glare at Bail, only to whirl as he heard _his ship_ begin take off. "That's mine!" 

"Be reasonable, Obi-Wan. You stole it first," Bail said calmly, keeping his grip firm but not too tight. Once the ship had lifted off he let go. "Master Vos is going to go back to his son and find Master Tholme." Obi-Wan looked away, rubbing his arm. "You need help, which I've been telling you for years now. Your friend agreed." 

"I don't need help," Obi-Wan said. "There's absolutely nothing wro--" 

"If you keep going the way you are, you're going to slip and attract the wrong attention," Bail said, voice and face losing all cheer. "The Alliance cannot afford for Vader, or the Emperor, to get their hands on you." Obi-Wan bit back the sneer he knew wanted to cross his face; it was always for the greater good, wasn't it? "There are a good many people who still love you who do not want to see you come to harm." 

Obi-Wan shook his head, wisely keeping his mouth shut. 

Bail sighed and pulled him close, an arm around his shoulders. "Come, let's get some water in you and some food. We have some matters to discuss but I'd rather you were sober for them." 

"I'm as sober as you're going to get me," Obi-Wan said, trying to break free of Bail's hold. 

"Mmno," Bail chuckled. "I was warned, you see, of how much you've had to drink before Master Vos dropped you off. Leave your bags, the servants will get them." 

"And go through them," Obi-Wan said darkly. 

"Consider this an intervention," Bail said kindly. "Not just for your sake, but all of ours. It hurts to see you like this." 

"Then don't watch," Obi-Wan snapped, still trying to get free from Bail's grip. He was not about to let himself be herded like some recalcitrant child! 

Bail stopped walking, his hand sliding down to grip Obi-Wan's elbow. "Time was you could have broken that hold without thinking about it, my friend," he said, forehead creasing with a frown. "Will you not consider how far you have fallen?" 

"Why do--" 

"Don't finish that question," Bail said, a hard line to his mouth. "Come. Water, food, and then Breha would like to see you herself. Even Leia would like to see you." 

Obi-Wan could not stop his flinch in time. "Bail, no. I cannot," he whispered. 

He remembered the holopics Bail had sent him at the beginning: the serious, dark-haired, dark-eyed child that looked so much like Padme. If Luke was Anakin, Leia was Padme. Living ghosts to remind him how he had failed two of his dearest friends. Luke was bad enough--seeing the happy child and knowing that it had been his fault Anakin had turned out the way he had, that he had been the one to snuff that happiness and joy. Oh, yes, Anakin had taken great delight in flying--what he called flying, anyway--and seeing new places, but over time it became a jaded type of joy. It lacked the sheer… Anakin had become muted, and he had done nothing to stop it. 

These children, almost perfect carbon copies of their parents--he shouldn't be allowed near them lest he taint them like he had Anakin. 

Bail sighed and tugged him along. "We'll talk about that," he said. 

"First, food and water," Obi-Wan said tiredly. 

= 

Obi-Wan was ensconced in a very comfortable chair in Bail's office with a sandwich he had no interest in and water. There was a very large pitcher of it on Bail's desk and he had been told that in no uncertain terms was he allowed to leave the room until it was all drunk. 

"What do you want to talk about?" Obi-Wan asked, setting aside the sandwich. 

"The clones," Bail said, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms over his stomach. "What did the Jedi Council know about the chips?" 

Obi-Wan looked at the glass in his hand and wished for something stronger. He had already noticed that there wasn't a drop of liquor in the entire room--unusual for a noble. He sighed and sipped it. "We knew about the chips," he confirmed. "We found out not too long before the end of the war. Whatever shit the Kaminoans were trying to pass off about them being there to curb aggression never made any sense." He looked out one of the tall windows in Bail's study, trying to ignore the bitterness and grief swelling inside him. "Shaak was supposed to look into their creation and origination, the original orders for the clones, whatever she could find. I, I think that was one of the last times I spoke to her." He stood up and set the water glass on Bail's desk. "I can't do this." 

"Your troops never turned on you," Bail said as he walked to the door. "Not of their own free will. The chips carried orders, I don't know how many, that an outside source triggered." 

Obi-Wan froze, his hand on the doorknob. He remembered Co--remembered his men waking up with the oddest nightmares, fears about being nothing more than meat clankers, unable to control their bodies while they screamed inside their minds. He felt his heart pound uncomfortably and tried to calm his breathing. 

"What?" he asked, his voice coming out weak and faint even to his own ears. Or maybe that was the rush of blood he heard. The sound of cannon fire. 

"Palpatine," Bail said, suddenly next to him. He took Obi-Wan's hand off the door knob and turned him, physically, to look at him. "He called your Commander, Ben, and issued the order. They called it Order 66. From what they've told me--" 

"You've spoken to them?" Obi-Wan demanded, jerking back. 

Bail held his shoulders and would not let him break free. "The Order told every clone trooper that the Jedi were acting against the interests of the Republic and that once they received word from the Supreme--" 

"I don't want to hear this," Obi-Wan said, trying to pull away, to cover his ears. No, this wasn't happening. 

"--Commander, who was _Palpatine_ , that all GAR Commanders would remove the Jedi by lethal force. Command of the GAR would revert to the Supreme Commander and they were then to await further orders." 

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No. No, Bail, you don't--" 

"Do you know what most of the clones the Alliance manages to obtain say before they get dechipped? 'Good soldiers follow orders.' After that chip comes out, Obi-Wan, my friend, we have to put them on suicide watch when they realize what they've done." 

"GOOD!" Obi-Wan shouted, finally managing to wrench himself away from Bail. He went back to the chair since he couldn't get to the door and pulled his legs to his chest. 

"You don't mean that," Bail said, after an uncomfortable silence. 

"I don't know what I mean anymore." 

Bail came to him, kneeling next to his chair and took one of his hands. "Obi-Wan, they had no choice. You remember what Palpatine was like, how his new policies have--" 

"You'll have to forgive me, I haven't been paying attention," Obi-Wan said faintly. "The Galaxy is suffering, same as it always has, and, and it doesn't--" 

"If you are male and humanoid, you're fine," Bail said. "The rest of the Galaxy is at risk." 

Obi-Wan looked away from Bail, too tired to fight him. If he told his friend he didn't care about the Galaxy then he would just be subject to one of those Very Disappointed Looks that seemed to have only grown in intensity since Bail became a father. Obi-Wan already knew he was a disappointment, had known that since he was a child himself, but he had maybe seemed to be a competent disappointment to the Galaxy. Now, he wasn't even that. 

"I don't expect you to be Master Kenobi," Bail said, letting go of his hands and standing. "I don't even expect you to be General Kenobi." 

"Well, that's good," Obi-Wan said with a huff of a laugh. "They're both burning somewhere on Mustafar." 

Bail had his back to him but Obi-Wan was still himself, and still saw the way his friend's shoulders and back went straight and rigid. "I have a proposal for you," Bail said, turning around. 

"Oh?" Obi-Wan asked, eyes narrowed. He didn't think he was going to like this. 

"I have five clones here on Alderaan who currently act as Leia's guards," Bail said. "One of them is a new addition and." Here Bail paused and shook his head. "None of that is important right now. All five of them have made it clear they want to see you, and no, before you ask, they do not know about your current state or what you've been doing since the Wars have ended. As honorable as they are, I don't exactly know how to tell them you have no problems killing their brothers, men you _served_ with." 

Obi-Wan was quiet for a moment. "Let me see your proof about this Order," he said. 

"I'll show you the proof when you're sober," Bail said. "Get sober and I will give you the information you should have been in charge of from the beginning, as well as let you see the men who desperately want to see you." 

"Why do I need to be sober?" Obi-Wan asked, suspicious. 

"There are several reasons I could give you," Bail said, beginning to tick them off on his fingers. "The Alliance needs you as a Jedi; Luke needs you to be able to protect him; continuing on like you have will only slow you down when Vader catches up with you; one day you will meet someone faster and stronger than you and you _will_ die; is this really how you want your life to end?" 

"You don't understand," Obi-Wan said, shaking his head. No one would, no one could. They didn't have the Force, they didn't know what it felt like to hear the very fabric of the Galaxy scream for a reprieve for years on end. He wasn't Anakin, he didn't have that higher and constant input, but his connection was still stronger than most. The Wars had been bad enough, feeling his men die, the civilians die--but the Purge? Friends who he had connections to, others so strong in the Force dying in waves, had punched through him ways that no one could possibly understand. 

"I understand more than you think I do," Bail said. He sat on the corner of his desk and crossed his arms over his chest. "You think the lack of alcohol is for you? You're not the only one with a problem, Ben. Let me help, let _us_ help." Obi-Wan shook his head again and Bail sighed, sliding off his desk and tugging Obi-Wan to his feet. "You need a reason to want to get better, don't you?" 

"I need everyone to leave me alone," Obi-Wan said, trying to resist Bail's grip. Why was that so hard to understand? He just wanted to be left alone to numb the pain as best as he could. Bail pulled, just a hair harder, and Obi-Wan lost the fight. He let his friend pull him toward the large windows and looked out them. It looked out into a garden, not terribly unusual on Alderaan, but there was a small child dressed in a fluffy green gown with large white bows darting around a group of similar men. 

"They are your reason," Bail said. "Breha was mine." 

Obi-Wan stared, torn between the recent knee-jerk desire to get rid of every clone who had ever dared touch a Jedi, and the sweet scene. Leia was dragging...Was that Wolffe? Oh, sweet Force. Wolffe had been with Plo. Obi-Wan pressed his hand to his mouth as his eyes burned. Leia had Wolffe by the hand and was dragging him to a child-sized table, making him sit and then depositing a flower crown on his head. One of the others--was that Rex? There weren't many blond clones and that looked like Rex--was laughing as they sat next to Wolffe, accepting the paper crown Leia dropped on his head. 

Another clone entered the garden, a tray with a teapot and tiny cups on it. Obi-Wan's eyes widened--Gregor? He had been declared MIA, then KIA so long ago. He had been so upset about that ridiculous battle, an absolute terror in the gym that the others had sent C--had sent. 

"Look," Bail said, pointing toward one of the other men who stood awkwardly to the side. 

Leia was busy with Gregor and the teapot, but another clone noticed before this one could slip away. They went over to their brother, a hand on his shoulder. He turned and the sun picked out the wicked scar that curled up his cheek and temple, saying something to… 

Obi-Wan choked on his name, stumbling away from the window and into Bail. "No, I can't. I can't do this, Bail. I can't. Just, let me go, let me get away from this. I ca--no." 

It couldn't be true. This Order 66, Palpatine being behind everything, the clones not being at fault--it was everything he had ever wanted to be true and but was _too good_. Too perfect. And even if it was true--oh Force, if it was true?--what had he done? He should have been trying to help them, trying to save his men, not finding ways to maximize the damage he could do. If that was, was _him_ down there--no. He couldn't, they couldn't. Things had changed too much by now. 

_He_ had loved a Jedi, someone with strong morals and an incredibly loose idea about honor that had caused several heated debates, had been more than happy to charge into battle after Obi-Wan's dumb ass and rescue him when he got in over his head, to sit up late night and go over plans, or even just talk--all of that before they had ever kissed. That wasn't who Obi-Wan was anymore; he had broken, shattered like a mirror punched through by an angry fist, and the pieces were scattered all over the Galaxy. There was no way to put him back together, and he wouldn't ask that of, of _him_. _He_ shouldn't bear that burden, not if what Bail was telling him was true. 

They, all the clones, should want to be as far away from the Jedi as they could get. Especially him. He couldn't even touch his lightsaber, or the Force--what kind of Jedi did that make him? 

He vaguely realized he was on the floor and that Bail had his arms around him, talking to him soothingly. 

"Breathe," Bail told him, a solid hand on his back. "Just breathe, focus on breathing." 

Obi-Wan shook his head, his breath hitching in his chest. He couldn't! 

"I'm sorry," Bail said softly. "I thought that would have helped. Breha was my anchor through my fight and, well. Your Commander was quite honest about the two of you to me." 

Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get himself under control. He could feel himself start to shake. That sound--was it his heart? The cannon firing on him? Blood rushing in his ears? He swallowed, his throat too dry, too thick, and tried to keep an even breathing pattern. 

"Ben?" Bail asked quietly. "Will you let me help you?" 

There was nothing stopping him from picking up the bottle again if this turned out to be the wrong choice. He knew, better than most, how to vanish from the Galaxy if he needed to. There was no harm in trying, maybe, if only to see what information Bail had. He would stay away from the clones, distance himself from Leia, leave the ghosts in his head where they belonged. 

"Fine," he said. "Knock yourself out." 

= 

Obi-Wan let himself be escorted by Bail to a room where a medical droid waited. He sat on the bed and let the droid examine him while Bail made himself comfortable in a chair set up near the window. It was a smaller window than in his office, and Obi-Wan was sure it was secured against possible escapes, but it at least offered a decent view. 

"You are in distress," the droid intoned. 

Obi-Wan stared at it, unamused. No shit. 

"Heart damage detected, liver damage detected, stomach lining damage detected, malnutrition detected, nerv--" the droid began to recite, processor lights flashing as it ran. 

"Yes, all right," Obi-Wan grumbled, pulling away from it. "I get the picture." 

"How long have you been drinking?" Bail asked. 

"Two years into the Wars," Obi-Wan said. "Total of five years, though that first year wasn't...I wasn't quite as determined to… I had. I had Co--I had someone to pull me back." 

Bail nodded slowly. "You had people you cared about with you and they depended on you. You would never risk their safety like that." Obi-Wan stayed quiet. "The good news is that bacta is still available to me and the damage should be reversible." 

The Alliance must be so desperate for their figurehead Jedi. 

"MD-72, please give Ben something to protect him against seizures," Bail said. 

The droid's insides hissed for a moment as it loaded a syringe and held it out to Obi-Wan. "This may pinch," it said. 

"Seizures?" Obi-Wan asked as it gently stabbed him. 

"You thought detoxing from alcohol was going to be a walk in the park?" Bail asked. "As easy as taking the drink itself? Hardly. Those tremors in your hands are going to get worse, although MD-72 is going to do its best to help mitigate them. You will have headaches and sweat, your heart will race like it wants to pound its ways out of your chest." 

"Cannon fire," Obi-Wan whispered. "Sounds like cannon fire." 

Bail's face had the strangest expression on it. "It could, I suppose, sound like cannon fire." He cleared his throat. "You'll probably spike a fever, but again, MD-72 is going to monitor your vitals." 

"None of that sounds awful," Obi-Wan said, glancing at the droid as it moved off to the side and powered down into stand-by mode. 

Bail snorted, "Oh, that's not all. I never had them, but I know it's possible with those who abuse the drink far more than I did. Seizures are common, but what get you are hallucinations--auditory and visual. You'll be confused, disoriented, and have a horrible attention span, and you will probably hallucinate." 

Obi-Wan chewed on his bottom lip as he considered Bail's words uneasily. "How long?" he asked. 

"Depends," Bail said, gesturing toward Obi-Wan. "You're already going into withdrawal. It doesn't take very long before the rest starts getting worse." 

"And what, once it's out of my system we can--" 

"Hardly," Bail scoffed. "Then we have the work of putting you back together. A bacta tank, most likely, to make sure your body won't sustain permanent damage from your insanity attempt, and then you get to talk to someone." 

"About what?" Obi-Wan asked, suspicious. 

"Your PTSD," Bail said. "Qui-Gon. Anakin. Padme. Cody. Why you hate yourself so much. You have almost forty years worth of material to choose from." 

Obi-Wan felt his pulse begin to race. "Bail." 

"When I met you, all those years ago," Bail said, "you were witty, fierce, and full of light. Master Qui-Gon--" 

"Don't," Obi-Wan whispered, not wanting to hear his name, to remember what had happened. 

"His death broke something in you that never healed," Bail finished. "It's hard, losing a parent, and while I know the two of you fought something awful sometimes, the two of you still loved each other fiercely. I think, considering the situations you have found yourself in, that he would be proud of you." 

There was nothing in the room that Obi-Wan could throw at Bail, so he settled for hiding his face against his raised knees. What did Bail Prestor Organa know about Qui-Gon Jinn? What did he know about any of Obi-Wan's life? How, how dare he pass judgement and hand out these, these. 

A hand stroked over his head. "Drink some water," Bail said. "I'll check on you later." 

"Go away," Obi-Wan whispered, not looking up from his knees. He heard the door shush open and then shush closed. Then it was just him, and a medical droid, in a sterile room with no way out. 


	3. Chapter 3

Cody loved his _vod'e_ , he truly did, but all he wanted was a little peace and quiet right now. Five minutes--even two minutes--alone to come to terms with what he knew was happening in one of the rooms of the Palace. He waited until Boil was distracted and slipped back into the shadows and into a servant's hallway, breathing a sigh of relief. He found a nook with a view of the other side of the palace, the lake, and tried to focus on the calm water. 

They'd seen the ship come in this morning, the forced cheer Senator Organa had, and the way some of the servants had gossiped. The ship had taken off not long after landing--who had been with him?--and then Organa had locked the study. Leia had been furious and demanded a tea party in retribution. She was utterly a product of her parents. 

The servants talked, and there was a fem who seemed to like him that didn't mind passing on the best pieces of gossip. The Senator had a very important guest who would be staying with them for an unknown amount of time to recover from an illness. 

Cody even knew where the room was. 

After Organa had assured them, him and Boil especially, that General Kenobi was still alive...well. It made sense that Organa would do his best to get the General here. Cody didn't know what it meant that he was sick and needed to recover, but he also knew how to bide his time. He'd wait, to a point, before he forced the issue himself. 

He knew Boil, and Gregor to a smaller extent, wanted to flock toward the General, to press close and bask in his steadiness and his calmness. Rex was a little more blastershy, but Cody thought that was because Rex had either worked out the truth of Vader or because of shame over not pushing harder over Fives and Tup. Cody had tried to argue with Rex--no one had believed Fives. Rex had hardly believed him, his own General had certainly not believed him, what point was there in beating himself up about it? Rex always just got real quiet and said that General Kenobi would have believed him and Fives should have gone to him. 

Cody wasn't sure, honestly, how he felt about Rex and Fives and that whole nonsense. Only, it wasn't really nonsense now, was it? Before, when Rex had come to him, he'd brushed his _vod_ off, furious at the implication that they really were no more than meat clankers. Rex had been offended that Cody was refusing to see the evidence--some karking evidence he'd had too, just some feelings, a missing medic, and two dead troopers--in front of his face. What else had Cody been supposed to do back then? Believe something so impossible and go off of _nothing_? If Rex had only come to him with more, maybe Cody could have done something. Maybe he could have gotten the word out to the rest of the Marshall Commanders, those under them, and gotten those chips dealt with themselves. Missing medic and dead troops just looked like Rex was falling apart, at the time. That he couldn't handle the pressures of war and his command. Cody had sent a quiet note to his General about it, and that's when Rex had been sent off to Mandalore. Relieved of command, in a sense, because Cody was worried his _vod_ was falling apart. 

Look at all the good it did them now. 

Wolffe, well. Wolffe was almost in the same situation Cody was in. He had shot at his Jedi, had taken part in the Order that wiped out everything they cared for. Whereas Cody had fired on his lover, Wolffe had fired on his father. Obi-Wan was alive, Plo Koon was not. Wolffe would never get the chances Cody would have and, while Wolffe didn't begrudge him those chances, he had stopped talking to Cody once Organa told them Obi-Wan was alive. 

That, in it's own way, was worse. He had already lost so many _vod'e_ that he didn't have many left to lose. Wolffe and he, well. They had never really agreed on many things in the past, but they had at least been friendly. Or, what passed as Wolffe's version of friendliness. He understood, somewhat, where Wolffe was coming from, but he desperately wished he could repair that relationship. They had so much in common--except Wolffe's Jedi was truly dead. Cody didn't know how to try mending that. 

And even when he saw his General, what did he say? _Sorry for giving the order to shoot you off a cliff? I'm glad you're not dead? I'm glad neither of us are dead, wanna make-out? Kriff, I miss how you feel in my arms, let me hold you._ Even he could recognize how ridiculous all of that sounded, even in the privacy of his own mind. He could think of more outrageous greetings, or comments, and all of them so exceedingly bad that his Obi-Wan would love them all. 

He ran a hand over his head, making a face at the length of his hair, and slid a little in his seat. His mind was still trying to absorb all the information Organa had given them. He remembered the comm call, a hooded figure that sounded like Palpatine, the words "Execute Order 66", and then giving the order to blast Obi-Wan off the cliff. 

Things started getting hazy after that, which he was told was normal. It was the mind's way of protecting itself, or something like that. He vaguely remembered taking the 212th and the rest of 7th Sky back to Coruscant, being called down to personally report to the new Emperor with the other Commanders. He remembered seeing Bly, something about his vacant eyes and smooth face had chilled Cody even then. The Emperor had seen them, one by one, and given them new orders. 

Bly was assigned to Vader. 

Cody was kept on Coruscant to train the new normal borns as his brothers were assigned away from him. He would meet with the Emperor every so often and his tasks would change after every meeting. He would be on Coruscant, then some other Core planet, then out to the Colonies, each time further and further out of the way. The Rebels had snatched him from a ship headed for Kamino. 

Not that it was the planet he remembered anymore. The cloning facilities had been destroyed and replaced with military bunks and training rooms. He'd been given a map before being sent there, which he had turned over along with any piece of intel he could possibly think of to the Rebellion. Being reunited with his second-in-command, with Rex, with a brother he had thought long dead, and even Wolffe made things sit a little easier with him. Knowing that Obi-Wan was _alive_ and in the same building as him was even better. 

"There you are," Boil said, making a spot for himself and settling across from Cody. 

Cody tried to smile but it slipped off his face. "You should be watching the Princess," he said. 

"Gregor has her well in hand," Boil said. "They found a quiet spot in the garden and are napping, last I saw. Rex and Wolffe are playing sabaac." 

Cody nodded, quiet for a moment, for he sighed. Better to focus on what he could right now. There was nothing he could do about his own mind, but maybe he could help with his General? Depending on what his sickness was; Cody didn't have any medic training. "He's here, Boil, I know he is. I want to go find Organa and shake him until he'll let me see him, but…" 

"But the gossip says he's sick," Boil said, nodded in understanding. 

"I wish Sawbones was here," Cody said. He wished all the _vod'e_ were here, that he and the other four weren't so isolated and alone. He missed the constant press of his brothers around him, even when it had driven him crazy before. He craved that closeness now. "The General almost listened to him." 

"I'd say it'll be okay, sir, but we don't know that," Boil said, stretching out his limbs and relaxing into his spot. "We don't know what he has, or how long it'll take for him to get better, and knowing Organa as little as I do? He's not going to tell us unless he has to." 

Cody looked out at the lake, a horrible suspicion forming in his gut. They had hid so much from the men--their relationship, Obi-Wan's drinking, his wounds, the pain his General went through after every battle. So much of it wasn't Cody's to share, even now, but he desperately wanted to see Obi-Wan and make sure he was okay, that none of this was his fault. He had already tried to kill his General once, who knew… No. The chip was out. It was out and he was fine. 

Relatively speaking. 

"You know," Boil said slowly. "You could have told me about the two of you. I would have understood." 

"We didn't tell anyone," Cody said, watching as birds flew out over the lake. He should have expected this conversation, though he hadn't expected it to be from Boil. Rex? Definitely. He imagined Rex had quite a few nasty words to aim his way when the time came for them to actually _talk_ again. Boil, though, he had been there to see their relationship in all its stages. "Nothing against you, or any of the others, but we didn't want anything getting out. A hint would have been too much. Could you imagine the Jedi Council's reaction to Obi-Wan taking up with his Clone Commander?" He shook his head, bitter and regretful. In many ways, what had happened to the Jedi had happened because they refused to bend. His opinions on the other Jedi were not popular, and even when he shared them with Obi-Wan, the other had just given him a blank, tight smile and changed the subject. He was so grateful--to any gods or Force that would listen--that Obi-Wan had been spared. Maybe they could fix things now? Make things better? 

"You probably would have been decommissioned and who knows what they do to Jedi," Boil said grimly. "Can Jedi be decommissioned?" 

"Kicked out of the Order," Cody said, wiggling his hand back and forth. It amounted to the same thing, for them. "Cut off from the support and structure they've ever known. Denied entry to every Temple, shunned by their family, definitely ejected from the military." 

"He would have lost everything," Boil said, voice sad. "Just because you two loved each other." 

"He played up the rumors with that Mandalorian fem to throw off those who were looking too closely at us," Cody said, a flash of unreasonable dislike flashing through him. He knew it was unjustified, that Obi-Wan wasn't attracted to fems and the only thing he had liked about Satine Kryze had been her mind, but it hadn't made the situation any easier. That he had been so gutted by her death made things even worse between them. They hadn't fought so viciously with each other since that Rako Hardeen mess, leaving horrendous emotional scars on each other. They would never physically fight each other but words were always fair game, and often more damaging. 

Boil grinned at him and Cody rolled his eyes. "Sir, you are maybe a tiny bit possessive and jealous," Boil said, delighted. At Cody's puzzled look, Boil grinned. "Your face does this pinched thing that Waxer's used to when someone was trying to pull my attention away from him." 

Cody straightened his leg and kicked Boil gently in the shin. "I'm not allowed to be jealous," he said. "Or be possessive." 

"You can," Boil said in that perfectly reasonable tone. "We're free now. He is too. Sucks, but, there's no Order to care what he does now." 

Cody sighed and got to his feet. "Did Rex send you to find me?" he asked. He didn't want to talk about this, any of it. 

Boil looked up at him, a disappointed look on his face. "We know he's here, you said so yourself. You should go find him, sir." 

"I'm giving Organa time to tell us what's going on before I take matters into my own hands," Cody said. He offered a hand to Boil to pull him to his feet, which his second took after a second. 

As they turned to head back into the garden they saw a little girl with white hair dart behind a column and giggle. Boil smiled and took a step forward while Cody hung back. 

"Hey there, Winter," Boil said. "Aren't you supposed to be outside with Leia and the others?" 

"You were taking too long," Winter said, stepping out from her hiding spot. "I decided to come find you." 

Boil scooped her up, ignoring the indignant squeak she made, and twirled about. "Sorry about that, Princess," he said. "I had to find my brother. He was sulking." 

Winter looked at Cody over Boil's shoulder. "Why were you sad?" 

"His husband is here and he can't see him," Boil said conspiratorially. 

"BOIL!" Cody barked, flushing. How had he known? _No one_ knew! It--he! Cody took it back, he didn't miss his _vod'e_ at all. 

Boil smirked at Cody and walked back toward the garden with Winter, answering her questions as best as he could. Cody slumped back against the wall and rubbed the back of his neck. Husband. Boil was too smart for his own good sometimes. 

Cody had asked Obi-Wan before they went down to Utapau. His General had slept through the night without needing a drink and was full of soft smiles as he helped tighten Cody's armor. Cody had brushed a hand over his cheek and tugged him in close for a kiss and whispered against his lips: "Will you marry me?" 

Obi-Wan had stared at him, eyes wide in pleased surprise, before kissing Cody as if he was air itself. "Once we're done down there, I will say the _riduurok_ with you." 

Cody pulled him close, hands cupping that cherished face, and kissed him again. "We have reason, now, to hurry this blasted war up," he said, nuzzling against Obi-Wan's jaw. 

Obi-Wan let out a shaky breath and nodded, hands flitting over Cody's face and chest to settle on his hips. "After this, after we say our vows," he said, a note of hesitation to his words, "I'll tell the Council. They can do their worse, Cody, I don't care so long as I have you." 

Cody smiled, brushing a thumb along the edge of Obi-Wan's mouth. He knew bits and pieces of his Jedi's past, knew he had left and had returned and did not regret it, but he also knew that the idea of doing so now with things so tenuous with Skywalker and the war scared him. "Obi," he murmured. "We can do whatever you want. I'm happy just knowing that I'm the one you return to, that you would even be willing to say the _riduurok_ with me." 

They'd been interrupted then, and then the campaign had begun, and then--the Order. 

Husband, indeed. 

= 

Cody liked to think he was a patient man. He attended the dinners with the Royal Family and his brothers, doing his best to see Leia as herself and not her mother, to focus on the here and now and not what might be possibly happening in a room up two floors and five doors to the west. He sparred with his brothers, knowing that they all needed to keep in shape--not just for the protection of Leia and Winter but because no clone did well being inactive. 

But after four days he had had enough. 

He waited for a moment when he would not be missed and slipped away, making his way up to the forbidden room. There were terrible sounds filling the hallway as he drew closer to the door he knew Obi-Wan was behind--screams, horrible sounding screams. They stopped only so the sobbing would begin, muffled words that sounded like begging. 

He reached out to open the door, only for a hand to come down on his wrist. He jumped, slightly, and looked up into the tired face of Bail Organa. The man beckoned him away from the door as the screaming started up again, only this time Cody heard his own name in Obi-Wan's voice and he turned to go to him, to go through that door, but Organa stopped him again. 

"No, let him be," Organa said quietly, drawing him a little ways down the hallway toward a bench inset into the wall. "Sit. You can see the door still, so you'll know no harm will come to him." 

"He sounds like he's being tortured," Cody protested, glancing back at the door. The sounds had abated for the moment, thankfully. He didn't like knowing Obi-Wan was in pain and not being able to help him. He had always been the one to help his General through the worst of the Wars. 

"Only by his own mind," Organa said, rubbing at his eyes. "I told you and your brothers the truth before; Obi-Wan needs to recover before he can see you." 

"Recover from what?" Cody demanded. 

"His habit of a drink or two, just to get to sleep?" Organa said, quirking an eyebrow. "He decided the best thing to do after everything that happened was to crawl into the best bottle he could find and forget everything." 

Cody glanced at the door again and then at Organa, trying to ignore the hot flash of guilt that swept through him. He had been the one so long ago to suggest the drink before bed, that maybe that would ease his mind enough to sleep. His General had seemed so hollow after that place he called Mortis, and then Maul's return… The drink had helped, before it had gotten out of control. "So what's happening?" 

"Detox," Organa said simply. "When you drink as much, or as steadily, as he's been doing for the past four years...well. It gets bad. He's hallucinating right now. The med droid is keeping him from seizing, but the hallucinations are bad enough I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone for so long without someone living to check on him." 

"There's no reason for--" 

"You have no idea how much he hates himself," Organa said. "I understand the two of you were involved, but Obi-Wan is a--" 

"He would have said the vows with me," Cody said, suddenly angry. He had admitted to this man that he and Obi-Wan had been involved, but the depth had been none of his business. Cody knew how much Obi-Wan valued his privacy and, after keeping quiet for so long, it was difficult to admit to the lengths they would go for each other. Of anyone still living, Cody thought he had a pretty good idea just how much Obi-Wan hated himself; it was maybe about the same as Cody hated his own actions and mind. Having someone lock him out because they didn't understand that, about either of them, burned. "You don't get to discount what we had or tell me what I do or do not know about him." 

Organa was quiet for a moment before he nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. "All right," he said. "What do you want to do about this?" 

"Tell me what he needs," Cody said, flinching at the sob of his name, begging for--he tried not to listen. If he could fix this, fix Obi-Wan, maybe it would make up for what he hadn't been able to do before. 

"The detox and withdrawal should only last another three days, maybe a week at the worst," Organa said, crossing his legs and setting his hands on his knee. "The med droid with him said a full tenday is probably what would purge what was left in his system. Then we need to dump him in bacta to let the rest of his body recover. I'd be impressed at how much damage he's managed to do to himself in such a short amount of time if I didn't know him so well." 

Cody nodded slowly. "Is there a reason I can't go into that room right now?" he asked. "You said yourself, someone should check on him." 

"His control of the Force is shot," Organa said flatly. "It's unpredictable and he's not the one in control of it. He could do some serious damage to anything living, not realize it, and then be devastated when he gains control of his senses. The mood swings make his tongue sharper and he's not always in control of his words. He would say things, horrible things, just to push you away." 

"He couldn't," Cody said, jaw set. After Hardeen? Very little would make Cody leave his General's side. 

Organa smiled at him. "I believe you. You've survived Obi-Wan's temper more than once, I imagine, during the Wars. Be that as it may, he has done things these past four years--" 

"And I haven't?" Cody interrupted, frustrated. He understood there were risks, but nothing he heard was a solid reason why he could not see his General, his Jedi, his Obi-Wan. He needed to see him touch him, to reassure himself, somehow, that he lived. Knowing all that separated them was _a door_ was almost too much to handle. Nothing Obi-Wan had done couldn't be forgiven, and Cody hoped the same could be said of himself as well. 

Organa stood and beckoned Cody to come with him. Cody stood and followed, hesitating as they walked past Obi-Wan's door--he was screaming at Anakin now, the words muffled, but no less heartbreaking--and to one of the lifts. "I understand where you are coming from," Organa said. "If that was Breha in there, and I was being kept from her side, I would be far worse than you." Cody clenched his jaw and kept his tongue. "He is going to need you, and your brothers, after this more than he has ever needed anyone else." 

"I doubt that," Cody said. "Obi-Wan is strong." 

"Even strong people can break, and he has more reason than most to not want to keep going," Organa said. "I can give you the reports I've gathered of his activities since the Republic fell, incidents where I know it was him but the Emperor and Vader do not. Otherwise, our friend in there would be very dead." 

Cody rolled his shoulders back to dispel his unease. "After the detox and bacta, what then?" 

"Then we try to get him to talk to someone about why he felt the need to drink in the first place," Organa said. "We try to help and support him. It does involve him actually _talking_ about his problems, but--" 

"He has," Cody interrupted, and then paused as they exited the lift. He hated this knee-jerk reaction he had to defend Obi-Wan, but he knew the other would do the same for him. It was what they _did_. He had to relent, though, as he knew Obi-Wan was awful at saying what he actually meant, if you didn't know what to look for: "To a point." 

Organa arched an eyebrow at him. "Has he ever spoken of Qui-Gon or his death?" 

Cody cast his thoughts back, trying to remember. "Only in the broadest sense," he said with a frown. "When Maul showed up again, he was devastated and then determined to put him down. I've never seen him so focused before." 

Organa nodded and led the way. "I met the two of them on a mission, which is hardly a surprise. There had been a threat against my life and, being who they were, the Jedi sent them to babysit me. It was a fluff assignment, we all knew it. Master Jinn spent most of the time quizzing Obi-Wan and reminding him of assignments he needed to do. Master Jinn and I spent most of the time playing dejarik while Obi-Wan used Master Jinn as a pillow." 

Cody stopped, startled at the idea. Obi-Wan was very particular about his personal space and had a wretched time sleeping, even worn out and drunk off sex. At Organa's pointed look, Cody started walking again. "That's a little hard to believe." 

"They used to fight," Organa said, "like two wet tookas with only a tiny box to get out of the storm. Screaming matchings as they got right in each other's faces, only to cool off hours later over tea and a grumbled comment over the state of the Galaxy. Qui-Gon was incredibly important to Obi-Wan, no matter how much they fought, because Qui-Gon was his main support. The man could be incredibly thoughtless, especially when it came to Obi-Wan, but they cared for each other deeply." 

Cody frowned, tucking his arms behind his back as he continued to follow Organa to what was most likely his study. "And the reason you're telling me this?" 

"Obi-Wan never dealt with Master Jinn's death," Organa said. He waved the door to his study open and gestured Cody inside. "He shoved it down and let it fester, as he does with all his hurts. He set himself aside and focused on whatever he had to do next." 

"He's a good man," Cody started. 

"I'm not denying that," Organa said, "I'm pointing out that he has the coping skills of a poorly socialized Krayt dragon." 

Cody stared at Organa, trying to find it in himself to defend Obi-Wan but the man was unfortunately correct. So, instead, he took a seat in front of Organa's desk and waited. 

Organa grinned at him. "You're not denying it." 

"Was there anything else you wanted?" Cody asked, trying not to get annoyed. "If you just wanted to be frank about my General--" 

"When's the last time you talked to someone?" Organa asked, sitting in his own chair behind the desk. 

"Excuse me?" Cody asked, baffled. 

"Your brothers have all taken advantage of the right to speak to someone of their troubles and concerns," Organa said. "We have several people trained for it here on Alderaan. You have not. In fact, you are the only clone we have not had to put on suicide watch once the chip has been removed." 

Cody gripped the arms of his chair tightly. "You told me my General was alive," he said, voice low enough to almost be a growl. "You told me I didn't kill the most important person in my life outside of my brothers. There is only one person who can absolve me of the rest of my guilt and you are keeping me from him." 

Organa tossed him a datachip with a grim look. "You won't receive the absolution you desire from him," he said. "Keep in mind, when you view those files, that he did not know about the Order until four days ago." 

Cody caught the chip and looked up at Organa. "He...?" 

"The Jedi Council was aware of the chips and had ordered Shaak Ti to investigate their creation and purpose, but that was maybe a week or so before Knightfall," Organa said. "He had no idea." 

Cody looked down at the chip, a feeling like dread growing in his belly as he ran his thumb along the edge. "May I share what's on this with the others?" They all had the right to know, after all. 

"Look through it first, then decide if you want to share," Organa said. "You are the closest thing to family that Obi-Wan has left. I will keep you as involved in his progress and health as possible." 

"Are you sure I can't see him?" Cody asked, still desperate to see Obi-Wan and touch him and hold him, beg him for forgiveness, tell him how much he loved him. The forgiveness was what he wanted more than anything, some sort of validation that everything was all right. 

"Before bacta," Organa said. "I'll make sure the two of you have time together." 

= 

His head and throat ached something fierce as he pushed himself into a corner of the room, hands over his head as if to protect himself. He didn't really know why--he couldn't ward off ghosts that way--but he felt better just doing it. There were no ghosts with him right now, it was just himself and the medical droid who had managed to shoot him full of something during his last fit. 

The room was a disaster. The majority of furniture had been smashed to pieces, the mattress shoved against a wall that showed large gashes from Obi-Wan losing control of the Force. He was so unaccustomed to having it that feeling the quiet, steady thrum through him felt odd. Disconcerting. He had no control over it, or himself, and the amount of damage he was doing frightened him. The room would have to be completely redone when he was done with it. 

He didn't know how much more of this he could handle. Cody, sneering at him, telling him he wanted nothing to do with a betrayer, a clone-killer, how could he possibly love someone like _him_? Anakin, still burning and insane, screaming at him that he should have saved him, should have done better in teaching him, that everything Anakin did now was Obi-Wan's fault. Padme, precious and beautiful Padme, said nothing. She stood there, looking sad and pregnant, her arms wrapped around his belly as her hands pressed against the swell. She was the worst, never answering as he demanding to know what she wanted from him; no, she just looked on in sadness and cried at him. 

All the people he had failed. He had failed so, so many people. 

"Well, that's what you're good at, isn't it?" Ahsoka said from where she sat next to him. "Failing people? I left the Temple, Master, but I still had my 'sabers. Who knows what would happen if I run across a clone? And you know Skyguy won't let me go that easy, not now that he's lost Padme." 

Obi-Wan tried to stifle the moan. No, no, not her. Not Ahsoka. 

"So why are you here instead of out there trying to save me?" Ahsoka asked, appearing in front of him with accusing eyes. "You're doing this whole thing with Bail so you won't fail anyone anymore, right? Well, it's not going to work, Master. You've always been a failure and you always will be, the alcohol doesn't change that." 

She stood and started twirling about the room, smiling like she had that time they had landed on Pantora; she had loved the snow. "You failed me during my trial. You should have put a stop to it, spoken up. You wanted to, but the other Jedi had made sure to silence you and Master Plo, hadn't they?" Ahsoka ended her twirl in front of him, a furious look on her face and he flinched back, hands covering his face. "I saw, you know. I saw you looking to the others before you stopped yourself from speaking. Since when does the Negotiator, the famous Obi-Wan Kenobi, get cowed by others? Since when do you care what other people think?" 

"Please," he begged, his voice breaking. 

"Oh! I forgot," Ahsoka giggled. "You always cared, didn't you? You care and you care and you care, or you say you do anyway. You don't have anything in that chest of yours except a black, rotten stump, Master. No heart, no love, no warmth. You're colder than space. How could anyone ever love you?" 

"Please, please stop," he whispered. 

"No one has, though, have they?" Ashoka asked, pushing to her feet. "Skyguy never cared, he was too occupied with hating you for not being Qui-Gon, too busy being enthralled by Padme, too eager to listen to someone else he thought was better than you--and the Sith was better! He gave Skyguy the support and love he needed, that's why Anakin turned on you so easily. I mean, other than the fact you always will be the second choice, even third choice. No one cares about you, Obi-Wan, no one has before and no one ever will again." 

Obi-Wan pushed himself to his feet and walked right through the ghost, needing to dispel her. Anything to stop the words. 

"That's not going to make us go away," Ahsoka said, and this time she was joined by someone else. 

Obi-Wan screamed, launching himself at the apparition and slammed into the wall, badly bruising his shoulder. That smug smile and those overly pretentious robes, and the gold eyes of a Sith. 

"I really must thank you," Palpatine said in that oily voice. "Did you know I hardly had to work at turning that dear boy to the Dark Side? You had done the bulk of my work for me! If you hadn't been such a perfect failure at raising him, at being what he needed and craved, why. It would have been twice as difficult to pull him away from you." 

"YOU'RE NOT REAL!" Obi-Wan screamed. 

"Aren't I?" Palpatine smiled. "How do you know I haven't found you on Alderaan with your traitorous friends and aren't on my way right now to kill you all? I would make you watch as I executed them, one by one, feeding off your pain as I did so. Maybe I'll even start with that defect of a Commander, or maybe the child? And then, when you have been completely broken, I will let Anakin kill you and his journey will truly be complete." 

Obi-Wan lashed out with the Force, sobbing denials as he did so, uncaring if it was real or not--just wanting everything to _stop_. 

A hand settled on the top of his head and a soft voice murmured: "You always were your own worst enemy. Calm, Padawan, calm down and center. You know how to make this stop." 

"Come to taunt me too?" Obi-Wan asked, slumped against the wall and too tired to fight back. "What recriminations do you have for me, Master?" 

Qui-Gon Jinn sat next to him, a faint glow about him that was different than the others, as he stroked Obi-Wan's hair. There was the faintest hint of pressure and his hair moved, which was very different from the ghosts. He was just too tired to stir himself to care why. 

"No accusations," Qui-Gon said. "You never failed me, Obi-Wan, I failed you. There's not much I can do from where I am right now, but let me guard your dreams. I will guard you, and them, as long as I am able." 

Obi-Wan closed his eyes. This was different, and a different he felt he should being paying attention to, but he was so tired. "Why?" he asked faintly. 

"Because I can and you need me," Qui-Gon said simply. 

Obi-Wan felt exhaustion drag at him and, with the soothing presence besides him--he could almost smell sapir tea and green, growing things--he let himself succumb to the siren call of sleep. He dreamed, he knew he did, but they were simple dreams of being a Padawan and doing homework at Qui-Gon's feet while the other man hummed softly under his breath as he read, steaming mugs of tea that never seemed to empty always at hand. He was safe, there, with his Master and happy. 


	4. Chapter 4

Cody hadn't wanted to look through the datachip but knew he needed to. Reading over the reports reminded him of the way Ahsoka would fill things out, and most reports were signed "Fulcrum", so it was possible. He remembered Rex saying something about there being other Jedi in the Alliance who had gone dark as spies; Ahsoka would have been a good spy. 

He was trying to distract himself. 

The reports were awful. Every so often, Obi-Wan would fall off the radar and then pop back up with some new training facility or weapons depot being leveled in the type of explosion even Skywalker would have labelled as "overkill". What Cody had a problem with, and whoever filed the reports did too, was the clone presence. Not every place Obi-Wan hit had clones, and when they did, his response was varied. He either stuck to the same amount of destruction as normal, or the amount of carnage was extreme. 

Cody hesitated before clicking on a security feed and felt his heart sink. Obi-Wan was not steady on his feet but he gripped his blaster tight and made his way through the halls, determination in every line of his body. Reaching a barracks, Obi-Wan had tossed in two grenades and locked the door before continuing on, a grim look on his face. 

Cody rewound the footage and, steeling himself, checked the barracks before the grenades had been tossed in. Clones were sleeping there, in conditions that Cody wouldn't have wished on a prisoner, and he recognized them. Most of them looked to be from Ghost Company with a few 212th stragglers, even one of two from the other companies in their Corps. No one was awake when the grenades went off. 

"Sir?" Boil said, sticking his head into the room. "Leia and Winter--are you okay?" 

Cody held out the pad with the loaded chip to his second and leaned back against the wall. He didn't know how he wanted to feel, or think, or react. Obi-Wan had vanished for six months after Order 66 and then, once he did appear, he started to go after the Empire in as many ways as he could. He didn't look like a Jedi, barely even looked like the General so many of them had followed and loved. 

In one way, Cody was glad that his brothers were no longer shackled to the Empire or subject to the chip in their heads. If he had to die, he would have wanted it to be by Obi-Wan's hand as well. In another way, Cody burned at the waste. That was not the Obi-Wan he had followed through hell and back, who he had loved, and watching him treat clones so carelessly after being so careful with them hurt in a way he didn't know he could hurt. This wasn't what they deserved, what any of them deserved, veterans of the Wars and honorable men all of them. 

Boil was flicking through the datapad, frowning as he did so. 

"I don't know what to think," Cody said, looking at the wall. He wanted to turn back time, to go back to when things were better. Who knew that when the Wars ended that it was going to be even worse? This wasn't what he had fought for, what so many had died for. It felt like a waste, all of it. 

"I think he's drunk," Boil said, handing the pad back. "I also think he's doing all that trying to get someone to actually kill him. Look at the reports, not for what happened to our brothers, but the damage scale. It grew with each hit the General made." 

"He killed us, Boil," Cody said softly. He was having such a hard time accepting it. 

"And we killed every Jedi to the point where we're lucky if there's a hundred left," Boil said flatly. "I'm not saying it's right, just that I'm not surprised. Think tactically, not with your heart. He's hitting when people should be asleep, less of a chance to face his opponents, and he's going for large scale destruction which usually means instant death." 

"Mercy kills?" Cody asked, letting the pad drop to his side on the bed. It was a horrible way to look at it. 

"Not consciously," Boil said slowly, drawing out the words as he thought. Cody waited for the other to gather his thoughts. "I think he's so kriffed up by everything that he's on autopilot. You can see it in the way he moves. If you go under the assumption that every brother in there was still chipped and had active orders? He was covering his ass while releasing them from that hell." 

"He didn't know about Order 66, or any of the Orders, until Organa told him," Cody said. 

Boil gnawed on his bottom lip. "I can see that," he said. "If the General had known? Sir, we would have been in medical so fast our heads would have spun." 

Cody had to give Boil that. His General had _cared_ about them, all of them, so damned much. 

"When do you get to see him?" Boil asked, after a moment. 

"Whenever the detox is done, before they stick him in bacta," Cody said. 

"Do you think you can forgive him?" Boil asked, drawing a knee to his chest. "The two of you got through the Hardeen mess, you can get through this too, right?" 

Cody glanced at the powered down datapad. Knowing Obi-Wan as he did, he would probably have more a problem with this than Cody or the others would. They understood the importance of compartmentalizing and coping through selective acknowledgement of facts. He sighed, rubbing a hand over his short hair, and got off the bed. 

"You said the princesses were looking for me?" he asked. 

"And Rex," Boil said, standing as well, "but it's Rex. He's turned into a worrywort." 

"We'll let him skate by for a few more months," Cody decided. "Then tell him to knock it off or we'll dump him in the lake and remind him who's boss." 

Boil snickered and opened the door for Cody. "After you, sir." 

= 

Cody frowned, looking around his surroundings and trying not to tense up when he recognized them. They were different but-- 

"Ah, these are the rooms as _I_ remember them," a man with silvering brown hair said from the couch. He had a kind smile and, when he stood, was a half-head taller than Cody. "You've seen them in Obi-Wan's time, set up a little differently, to accommodate Anakin and banish memories. Welcome, Commander. May I offer you some tea?" 

"Tea," Cody repeated blankly. 

"Mm, I believe you favor one of the green blends Obi-Wan keeps around?" the man said, going into the kitchen and coming back with a steaming mug. "He was always an unusual teenager, flitting from tea to tea in the name of being unable to make up his mind. It was always very entertaining to see him keep sapir in the kitchen to torment Anakin with and then his real stash in the bedroom." 

It clicked, finally, as Cody accepted the mug. "You're Qui-Gon Jinn." 

A smile and a tilt of the head. "I am. Come, sit. I've wanted to speak to you for some time but it never seemed like the right moment." 

"And it is now?" Cody asked, frowning as he sipped his tea and took a seat. 

"I'm protecting Obi-Wan from himself so he may rest and had some time," Qui-Gon said. "So, yes, now is an excellent time." 

Cody hesitated, lowering his cup to his lap with his hands curled around the small vessel carefully, before swallowing to wet a suddenly dry throat. "Is he, is he all right?" 

"As well as can be expected," Qui-Gon said as he sipped his own tea. "I did him no favors by never discussing how one might best handle their own demons. He saw me suffer for most of our time together and, instead of doing the opposite of me and seeking out someone to help, he followed rather unfortunately in my steps. You should not follow in his steps either, Cody. if you feel the need, you should seek out help--either from your brothers or those Bail Organa has on staff." 

Cody looked at his tea, unsure how to take that. "He's--I." 

"You will see him soon enough," Qui-Gon said. "In the meantime, I thought it would be good to get to know each other." 

Cody's lips quirked. Oh, it was going to be like that, was it? "How should I address you, sir?" he asked. 

Qui-Gon was grinning. "I could say 'dad' but Qui-Gon works just fine," he said. 

Cody snorted, "Oh, he gets it from you." 

"Sadly, Obi-Wan's brand of humor is unique to him," Qui-Gon said with a laugh. "However, we did get along quite well." 

"Organa has said," Cody said. 

Qui-Gon nodded. "Bail Organa is a good man, and a good friend to have. I owe him many thanks for making sure my Padawan stays among the living for a little while longer. As much as I miss him, I do not want to see him quite this fast." The other man sighed and shifted in his seat. "He has much still to do." 

Cody's eyes narrowed and he tucked that away for later musing. "So you're here to, what, vet the--" 

"I was concerned," Qui-Gon interrupted him, "when the two of you first took up with each other. However, you make him happy and less inclined to perform random acts of insanity." 

"I wouldn't say that," Cody protested. "He is still a Jedi." 

"Yes," Qui-Gon chuckled, "and on the Council! I wonder if he did that out of perversity with me." At Cody's surprised look, he elaborated. "I was often at odds with the Council and, at times, we would get into heated ethics debates." Cody nodded slowly, sipping his tea to avoid saying anything else. "But yes, back to you and my Padawan. I would ask about your intentions, but the two of you both made it quite plain on the way to Utapau." 

"Do you often watch him, us?" Cody asked, shifting uncomfortably. 

"There's not a lot to do when you're dead," Qui-Gon said. "I worried over him. My passing was not ideal and left behind scars I did not intend. We had been fighting before I fell in battle and I think he still blames himself." 

"What were you fighting about?" Cody asked, curious. This was a glimpse into who Obi-Wan was that he had never expected. 

"Anakin," Qui-Gon said with a sigh. "As you are aware, no doubt, our Obi-Wan has quite the talent for precognition. When he tells you he has a bad feeling about something, listen. No matter how absurd it may seem, listen to him and his feelings." 

"You didn't," Cody guessed. 

Qui-Gon arched an eyebrow. "He told me, over and over again, that there was something wrong with the child I had rescued off Tatooine. That all he could sense, or see, was Darkness. I should have listened, his feelings had never been wrong before, but I was blinded by my own ideas of purpose and importance." 

"No offense, Qui-Gon," Cody began, setting his tea aside, "but I have never discounted my General's feelings. They kept not only him, but all of us, alive far longer than we had any right to be considering how often the Seppies tried to wipe us off the map." 

Qui-Gon shrugged. "I felt it bore repeating." 

"How often did you watch us?" Cody asked, curious. 

Qui-Gon coughed into his tea mug. "I left any time it looked like clothes were coming off." 

Cody felt himself flush. "Not one for peep shows?" 

"That is my _Padawan_ you are talking about," Qui-Gon said, flustered and flushed. "I can accept that he has a life and a partner who is willing to put up with his insanity, but I am not about to _watch_!" 

Cody grinned. "Well that's a relief." 

Qui-Gon huffed and fussed with his robes. "You two deserve each other," he said. 

"We do, do we?" Cody asked, something like relief spreading through him at the other man's approval. 

Qui-Gon watched him quietly for a moment. "Yoda was supposed to teach him how to get in touch with me," he said. "I exist in the Force, but it's like tuning a radio and he needs to know which station to find. You tell him, when he's out of bacta, that he needs to work hard at repairing those connections. He can hardly yell at me if he can't hear or see me." A pause. "Yes, Cody, you have my blessing and approval. I want to tell Obi-Wan that at well. The two of you are good for each other--the right amount of support and the right amount of push-back. It's a good balance, one people spend years looking for to never find. Do me a favor? Be good to him, even when he drives you crazy. Remind him of the small pleasures in life. 

"Be good to yourself as well. Take care of yourself, your own mind and wellbeing as Obi-Wan will take that as a cue to take care of himself. He always does better when those around him are well. You are so important to him, I want you to be well as well. I wasn't kidding when I said you should talk to someone, one of your brothers or one of Bail's people. I should have, years ago, and I never did. Please, let someone help you." 

Cody blinked at Qui-Gon's earnestness and nodded. "I, er, I'll...do that." 

"That's all I can ask for," Qui-Gon said. "Love and care for each other, but especially be good to each other." 

Cody reached for his tea mug, unsurprised to find it now full, and took a sip. "We will, sir. I think I can promise that." 

= 

Cody was on his way to breakfast, taking a different path than the others for the sake of something _new_ to do, when his comm chirped. It was a simple text comm from Organa-- _Detox is done, transferring to bacta. Come now._ It took a moment to change his course and let Boil know, no sense worrying what brothers he had left, even if some of them barely cared these days. That was something else he needed to deal with, after this. Maybe he and Rex could talk, clear the air, figure out how to move forward in this strange, new world they had found themselves in. 

He arrived at Obi-Wan's door to see it open. A med droid was idling outside it and Cody could hear voices from inside the room. He hesitated, his mind blanking on him now that the time had come, but he made himself step forward and knock on the wall outside the room. Organa looked over and smiled at him, beckoning him in. 

"Cody, you came quick," the man said with an approving smile. 

"I was on my way to breakfast with the others," Cody said, stepping into the room. It looked like a bomb had gone off, one of those shrapnel types that Hardcase had always been fond of and kept trying to steal from the stores. Rex had always sent Cody the best of Hardcase's antics, until Umbara had happened. So much had gone wrong, so fast. How did they never see it? 

"Ah, well," Organa said with a smile. "I'll see if we can't have something brought up for you. I imagine you'll want to stay with our troublemaker here?" 

"He can hear you," Obi-wan said, tiredly, from where he laid on the hover stretcher. A human medic was standing over him, checking vitals and noting them down. She did not look impressed with the way Obi-Wan kept trying to yank his wrist away. 

" _He_ needs to be in a bacta tank within the hour," the medic said as she stepped away. "I don't like his pulse rate, Majesty." 

"That's because you have two very hot men standing in the same room as me," Obi-Wan joked. 

The medic rolled her eyes and left the room. Organa watched her go and looked at Cody's Jedi with a fond look. "You just can't help yourself, can you?" 

"I have to be me, don't I?" Obi-Wan asked, the note of exhaustion back. 

"Sometimes to your own detriment," Organa said with a sigh and a shake of his head. He looked at Cody and gave him a smile. "Twenty minutes should be all right? That will give the kitchens enough time to send up something for you to eat and that's probably about as long as I can keep her out of here." 

"Should be enough time," Cody said. 

"Excellent," Organa said. He gave Cody's shoulder a squeeze on the way out as he called "Behave!" to Obi-Wan. 

"Meddling fool," the Jedi huffed. 

"We need meddling fools," Cody said, coming close and sitting on the edge of the stretcher. "Don't you remember how we got together in the first place, sir? It was because of meddling fools." 

Obi-Wan was quiet in the face of that comment and Cody could look his fill. He had thought he had killed this man until a few months ago, had thought him dead, but here he was. Alive, breathing, if a little battered. The lack of a beard was a little off-putting as Cody had never seen his General with a bare if scruffy face, though he found it not an unlikable appearance. The shaggy hair, Cody decided as he slid his fingers through the awkward lengths, needed to be fixed. It did not look good on the other man. There were bruises under his eyes like he hadn't been sleeping, and a few new scars that Cody could see. Some would be hidden by the beard, whenever Obi-Wan grew it back in. 

"Sorry," Cody said, his breath catching as he realized what he had done and drew his hand back. Four years lay between them, four years of a damaged galaxy, four years of brainwashing and an alcohol-fueled rage. He wasn't sure what was, or wasn't, allowed anymore--and wasn't that an awful thought? Obi-Wan was alive but could still reject him and everything they had had together. 

"I don't mind," Obi-Wan said. He shifted in the bed and reached out to snag Cody's hand, twining their fingers together. "I didn't know, not about--about a lot, it seems." 

Cody squeezed his fingers. "We did," he said, trying to fight back the bitterness. "Rex was there when Fives died, and then Kix went missing. I ignored him and--" 

"Cody," Obi-Wan interrupted. "You bear no responsibility for any of this." 

"I _shot_ you," Cody hissed. "I gave the order, I--it was me. I did that. And it kept going, and going. You don't know what I've do--" 

"Do you know what I've done?" Obi-Wan countered, so good at trying to derail him. There was a tight look on his face, a thinness to his lips that said he already knew the answer. He was waiting for judgement, for accusations and hatred from Cody. 

Cody couldn't give him that. Wouldn't. Let someone else do it. "I do," he said. "Organa gave me a rundown and showed me reports and clips they'd scoured from security cams. Sir, you know better than that. You should have been more careful." 

Obi-Wan yanked his hand away and pushed himself up into a sitting position. "For three years--" 

"Three?" Cody asked, head tilted to the side. 

"That first year I had to heal, and then there was something else I needed to see to," Obi-Wan said, shaking his head. "Then I got angry." 

"I noticed," Cody said with a smile. Obi-Wan's anger was rare, but he had always thought it was beautiful to behold, like fire incarnate. His anger was always better than his despair, which had a certain flavor to it that Cody hated--hated because it resonated a little too closely to his own despair and darkness. 

Obi-Wan shook his head. "I don't know how many I killed, Cody, and _I don't care_." Cody tried not to flinch. "What does that say about me?" 

"That you--we--both lost everything?" Cody said, looking out at the only window in the room. He was still coming to terms with everything himself, and here was his General, broken in ways he hadn't thought possible. Jedi didn't break, except when they did. "We lost the foundations we all believed on. You lost your Republic, we lost the Jedi, the Galaxy lost everything good." 

"Lost more than that," Obi-wan whispered. Cody didn't look at him, knowing if he did that his General would clam up on him. "You know about Vader, don't you?" 

"I do," Cody said quietly. "Hard not to, when you're put in the position of having to answer to that sham of an Emperor and whatever he made of--" 

"I did that," Obi-Wan said quietly. "I put him in that suit. Followed him to Mustafar with Padme, fought him. I left him there to burn, thinking he'd die there, but I never made sure of it. I shouldn't have gone for the _mou kei_. Should have done the _sai cha_ , was in the same position for it, but I, I couldn't." 

It took Cody a moment to put the words to movements and then winced. _Mou kei_ was to dismember someone multiple times at once while _sai cha_ was to behead. From what Cody also knew, _mou kei_ was a forbidden move--it lacked honor and there was no reason for it. It was also not the first time Obi-Wan had used a forbidden technique. 

"You were taunting him, then," Cody said. 

"Does it matter?" Obi-Wan asked. "The depots needed to be destroyed and I would kick the hornet's nest a little at the same time." 

"And my brothers?" Cody asked, not wanting to know but at the same time needing to know. 

"As far as I knew, they would still try to kill me on sight," Obi-Wan said, an odd tone to his voice. "I didn't, couldn't. The grenades were easier. I didn't have to see them, maybe see you, and I could still do what I needed to do. I, I ran into enough of my, our men after Utaupu that it became a good idea to take that precaution." 

"Who?" Cody asked, hating himself for asking. 

"Odd Ball," Obi-Wan said slowly. "Crys." More quietly: "Sawbones." 

Cody nodded slowly. They had both, in their own ways, confessed something that they needed absolution for but it was a hollow confession. Cody had had no choice in his actions, barely more than a damned puppet, but Obi-Wan had known exactly… No. He couldn't think like that. If his brothers had been under the control of that chip-- _Good Soldiers Follow Orders_ \--then they had no choice but to attack. And, if he wanted to stay alive, then the only thing he could do was to fight back. 

"Cody--" 

"I don't blame you," Cody said quickly. "We were both in awful situations." 

Obi-Wan leaned forward, a hand on Cody's shoulder. "I don't know what I can be for you right now, but I don't want to let you go," he said. "I mean, unless you'd prefer?" 

Cody scowled, about ready to tear his idiot General a new one, when Organa knocked on the wall and strode in. "I have breakfast for Cody, and the medic is getting antsy, Ben," the tall man announced. 

Cody stood and took the plate from the other man. It was the same fare he would have gotten if he had gone down with his brothers--greens, some form of animal protein, eggs, and a starch. It was balanced, fresh food, and always interesting. He leaned against the wall as he ate and tried to let his own temper cool as the medic came in and began fussing over Obi-Wan again. Apparently, he should never have sat up in the first place, and watching the tiny woman shove his General flat on the stretcher and yell at him was mildly amusing right now. 

"Did you two work things out?" Organa asked quietly as the medic pushed the stretcher out of the room. Obi-Wan was snapping at her and she wasn't giving him an inch; no good medic did. 

"No," Cody said. "Think we made things worse." 

Organa sighed. "He is very good at doing that." 

"Some of that blame is mine," Cody pointed out. "It takes two people to make a relationship. The situation is not ideal, sir." 

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Organa asked as Cody finished eating. 

Cody looked around and set the plate on the windowsill. It looked to be the safest place for it. Was there anything that an outsider could do? Not really. This was something they needed to work out themselves, between the two of them, and they couldn't do that here. They had never even figured out what their relationship was like outside of battle cruisers and sneaking around Coruscant. The few moments of honest downtime they had together was either spent catching up on reports, or sleeping in a bed big enough for _both_ of them and luxuriating in the ability to stretch out. They still ended up sleeping half on top of the other, used to making sure the other was safe and close by and the warmth a comfort to them. 

What they needed, as people, was time. Time to themselves and time together to figure out how to move forward. Cody understood how Obi-Wan could consider himself broken, but it was a slight bit selfish not to consider the same of Cody himself. He doubted the Senator could give them, either of them, much time. He knew what the Galaxy looked like right now, knew that Leia was a possible threat to the Emperor, and Vader, and keeping her protected was of the utmost importance. The Rebellion would need Obi-Wan as a General, if in deed if not in title, and Cody would be left behind. If he let himself be left behind, that is. 

Cody drew a deep breath and let it go. "When he gets out of bacta, what's the plan?" he asked, looking at Organa. 

Organa glanced at the room around them and then tilted his head. "Walk with me, we should be there when he goes into the tank." Cody nodded and Organa led the way through the hallway and to a lift. "You saw the damage. He needs to regain his control of the Force again. According to Master Vos, his ability to use it is less than ideal. I want him to _talk_ to someone for the first time in his irritating life about everything that is bouncing around that skull of his. Having been his friend for as long as I have, I can tell you that he needs to talk to someone and has for at least twenty-five, if not thirty years." 

Cody nodded slowly, trying to think. "He was always calmest when he had those he loved and trusted around him and there was no danger. If I may suggest, sir, some place quiet? Maybe just my brothers and the General?" 

Organa was quiet in thought as the lift opened and they stepped out. "There is a place," he said as they reached the medical ward. They stopped just outside, listening the the medic and Obi-Wan sass each other, and the taller man smiled suddenly. "However, a better idea. Instead of just the six of you, why not broaden the scope slightly? Breha and I both need some time away to spend with the girls, and that would mean a minder for them and a healer. They could still see you and your brothers, which would delight them and Gregor, and also give Obi-Wan a different outlet if he needs it." 

Cody looked into the room, watching as the medic hooked his General up to the monitoring equipment. "We should go in," he said. 

Organa nodded and they stepped into the room, drawing the Jedi's attention. His eyes flicked over to Cody and there was the tiniest hint of hesitation before he looked away. Oh, how did Cody let himself get involved with this man? He stepped forward, refusing to hesitate, as he cupped the other's face as kissed him. He ignored the startled meep against his mouth, the hands coming up to grip his wrists, because Obi-Wan was kissing him back and holding onto him so tightly. 

Cody broke the kiss, nuzzling against Obi-Wan's bristly cheek, and whispered: "I will be there when you come out, love, so behave and focus on getting better. We still have work to do." 

Obi-Wan looked at him as he pulled away, hands still on Cody's wrists and for a moment there was panic, almost terror, before the other let go. He cleared his throat, eyes on the tank, watching in silence as the medic had everything arranged and waiting for him. "Promise?" he asked, quiet. 

"I told you once before," Cody said with a tiny smile, "that there was nothing in the Galaxy that could keep me from your side for long. A chip couldn't keep me from you, your bad temper certainly can't." 

Obi-Wan's throat bobbed and his nodded, eyes still averted. "I'll, uh. I'll see you later, then?" 

"I'll visit," Cody said. "Boil probably will too, maybe even Rex and Gregor. Who knows about Wolffe, but he might too." 

Obi-Wan nodded again and the medic came to shoo Cody away. Organa stepped over, shooing the woman away, to tell Obi-Wan something quietly. Organa squeezed the General's shoulder before stepping away and letting the angry medic haul her patient to the bacta tank. 

"How long of a vacation should Breha and I plan for?" Organa asked Cody. 

That depended entirely on how stubborn Obi-Wan decided he wanted to be. "Two weeks, maybe three," he said. 

Organa nodded and smiled at him as they watched the medic lower Obi-Wan into the waiting tank. "That can easily be arranged. Leave it to me." 

Cody kept his eyes on Obi-Wan until the other's fluttered closed and he succumbed to the bacta. "Of course, sir." 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm, I had to up the rating on the fic. Not sure if that's a problem or not >_> SOMEONE decided to be naughty....
> 
> Aka - smut ahoy.
> 
> (WTF. now I have DEFINITELY fixed the formatting issues. omg.....)

Cody didn't meet back up with the rest of his brothers after seeing Obi-Wan safe into the bacta. He and Organa-- _for all that is holy, call me Bail_ \--had a few more things to discuss and then Cody needed some time alone. He needed to get himself under control, to calm down before his temper got beyond him, or else he was going to do something he possibly regretted. 

That's why he was in one of the lesser used training rooms, a blaster in hand, and working his aggression out on targets. If he maybe pretended the faces he saw were the Emperor or Vader, well, that was between him and his mind. He certainly didn't expect Rex to show up and blast away the last target before he got to it. 

"Boil's looking for you," Rex said. He was short and impersonal, just as he had been ever since Cody had come to Alderaan. 

Cody made himself put the blaster down, his fingers twitching with the need to do something. He didn't know a clone who did well being idle and playing bodyguard to two little girls was barely a step above idle. The situation with his General was on pause until he was out of bacta but Rex was here and he could _fight back_. 

"What's your defect?" Cody asked, turning towards his brother and squaring his shoulders. "You've had a problem with me ever since I got here and it's about time we cleared the air." 

"No problem," Rex said with a bland smile and a shake of his head. "No problem at all." 

"Banthacrap," Cody said. 

Rex tilted his head to the side, a gleam in his eye. "You need to take a step back, _brother_ , and check yourself. Go find Boil. We all know the 212th sticks together, shows loyalty to no one but themselves." 

Cody flushed hot, then cold, before he stepped in close enough to throw a punch at Rex's face. The _hut'uun_ ducked under his fist and came in close, looking to end this fast and hard--but Cody wasn't about to give him that satisfaction. The moment Rex got in range Cody slammed his elbow down against Rex's shoulder, forcing the other to break off. 

They circled each other, lunging and grappling, trying to put the other down. It was a dirty fight, both of them knowing each other too well to play fair, both going for weaknesses that would have fouled in any proper spar and were easy marks. Rex drew first blood but Cody made Rex hurt for it, working hard to breaking what small bones he could. 

"What is your _defect_?" Cody demanded as he broke away, spitting blood. 

"You're my _defect_!" Rex said, breaking off to plant himself in a ready stance across from Cody. "You, you waltz back here like nothing happened, like everything is kriffing _fine_ and it's not!" 

"You think I don't know that?" Cody asked, trying not to laugh. "Rex, you _di'kut_ , nothing is fine! There is nothing in this whole kriffing Galaxy that can be called _fine_. Your General is a karking Sith now, my General has been killing our brothers and is probably crazier than a bag of tookas, everything is burning down around us, and all of that because _I didn't listen to you_! You kriffing happy now?" Cody let out a shaky breath, pushing his hands into his hair, and shook his head as he turned away from Rex. He needed to get himself under control. He was perilously close to losing it and he didn't want to. Who knew what would happen if _he_ lost it? Someone around here had to stay sane and in control and obviously it had to be him since everyone else had clearly lost it. 

"Kenobi's done what?" Rex asked after a moment. 

Cody rubbed the back of his neck. "Don't, Rex." 

An awkward silence descended on them and Cody went for his blaster, mindlessly taking it apart and cleaning it, strapping a fresh pack in it, and holstering it. Rex let him have that but didn't leave, and Cody could feel his eyes on him. Cody refused to turn and look. 

"You haven't talked to anyone, have you?" Rex asked. 

"What are you, a kriffing mindreader?" Cody muttered under his breath. Louder, he said: "No, I haven't." He didn't get what he had wanted from Obi-Wan, no forgiveness, no benediction, for what had happened. He realized now that he never would, and he couldn't give Obi-Wan the forgiveness that he sought either. There was no power in the Galaxy to give his General that type of forgiveness--those people were either dead or too determined to see him dead to care about a silly thing like forgiveness. 

"Cody," Rex said, packing so much reproach into that one word, into his name. 

"Get kriffed," Cody snapped. 

"You didn't listen to me before, listen to me now, _vod_ , you need to talk to someone," Rex said, his tone gentle but insistent. 

"And who would I talk to?" Cody asked, trying not to sneer. He turned and glared at Rex, ignoring the sad look on Rex's face. What right did he have to be sad? "Who has the clearance to listen to me whine about GAR issues? About the horrors of the Empire? Find me someone who is authorized to listen, who knows what it's like to watch _Skywalker_ of all people tell that so-called Emperor how to use us to his own ends. How Bly reported in still covered in blood because he brought back his General's body, how Wolffe? He was there but you got him out fast. I _remember_ seeing him, Rex, I remember the way he didn't respond to orders but he tried to attack Skywalker. You don't know what it was like, being kept so close, being watched even as you're screaming in your own mind that this is wrong." It was all so wrong, it was still so wrong. 

Rex looked sick. "Cody, I--" 

"They only started pushing me further and further out on assignment because Skywalker didn't want to see me around," Cody snorted, looking away. "I'm lucky he didn't kill me. That was on the table, you know. Wonderful, having your fate discussed in front of you like you're nothing more than a B1 unit, than the meat clankers they turned us all into. I couldn't even react, couldn't say a damned thing against it as they're talking about whether to kill me flat out or cycle me to some nowhere planet where I'd be out of the way." 

"Cody," Rex said, taking a step closer. "You need to, you can talk to me? I'm--" 

"You?" Cody asked, trying not to laugh. "You come here and try to break my face because you have a chip on your shoulder and you want me to talk to you?" 

"We both kriffed up," Rex said. "I was pissed for what you pulled after Fives and Kix and--" 

"I was trying to be kind," Cody growled. "You were a wreck. I didn't want you getting killed because you couldn't focus on the battle. So I made sure you got sent off to your little sister, as much good as it did any of us." 

"It saved her life," Rex said with a sigh. "When the chips went active, I'd managed to get a fair bit of our squad dechipped. We got her safe." 

"Fulcrum?" Cody asked. 

"How?" Rex demanded, startled and seconds from a protective rage that only Ahsoka had ever inspired in him. 

"Reports on Obi-Wan's movements were signed off by a Fulcrum," Cody said. "They're very much like the reports Ahsoka would try to get past us before we'd make her redo them for one reason or another." 

Rex stared at him, "She hated reports." 

"Reports are useful," Cody said. "As she's clearly learned." 

Rex rubbed the back of his neck and then came close, grabbing Cody and pulling him into a stiff hug. "Let me be there for you, _vod_. Talk to me, I'll listen. Maybe we can get you in a better place--" 

"You don't know anything about me," Cody said, trying to push Rex away. He had kept so many secrets from Rex… 

"I know you were kriffing your Jedi," Rex said, keeping a hold of Cody and not letting him get away. "I know you, Cody. It was kind of obvious if you knew what to look for." 

Cody clenched his jaw and shook his head. If only it was about sex and nothing else. Things would be so much _easier_ if it was just about sex. No, instead they had gotten feelings involved and it had gotten messy and it was still messy. 

"Cody," Rex said, holding him tighter. "Talk to me, please. I'm worried about you." 

"A second ago you wanted to pound me into paste," Cody sneered. 

"Yeah, when I thought you'd actually done the sane thing and talked to someone, debriefed like we all had," Rex said. He gave Cody a tiny shake. "Why didn't you?" 

Cody pushed Rex away and ran his hand through his hair. He needed to get a haircut if he wanted to keep it short. "I spoke to Organa, gave him the intel I had, and--" 

"And didn't tell anyone anything else," Rex said, an odd look on his face. "Because you're you and you don't talk to people unless we beat the words out of you." 

"The only one who could forgive me for what I've done is so kriffed up right now he wants _me_ to forgive _him_!" Cody shouted. 

Rex winced, "Cody, you don't need--" 

"You don't know what happened, Rex," Cody said, voice low. He didn't want to have this conversation, he never wanted to have it, but knew that the only person who deserved to have this conversation was floating in a bacta tank. "You don't, can't know what--no. I know what you're trying to do." 

"I'm not trying to do anything," Rex said, looking overly innocent. 

Cody jabbed a finger at him, ignoring Rex's wince as he hit bone. "You're trying to rile me up, make me talk." 

"You're already riled up, Codes," Rex said, knocking his hand away. "So why don't you say what's on your mind. General Kenobi might not be able to listen but I can, and maybe you don't need forgiveness? Maybe you just need someone to hear you." 

Cody grit his teeth, taking a step away and shook his head. "No. No, I know what you're doing." 

"Cody," Rex tried, grabbing at his arm but Cody was too fast. 

"No, I'm not doing this," Cody said and left Rex and the firing range behind. He couldn't, wouldn't do this. He couldn't be weak, couldn't falter. Not now. Not when he was so close to having everything back just the way it needed to be. 

= 

Cody had holed himself up in his room--shut the windows, shut the door, shut himself in and the world out. He didn't want to deal with Rex, or Obi-Wan, or the rest of his brothers, or anyone else for that matter. He just needed time and space to himself, to get his head on straight. He couldn't do it anymore, couldn't think straight. It all hurt so much. 

He had a pillow pulled against his chest as he sat on the bed, doing his best to think of nothing, when the door burst open. A tiny whirlwind of brown curls, ribbons, and clothes she definitely stole from a boy servant flung herself at him. The pillow got shoved aside as Cody made sure Leia was secure on his lap. 

"You weren't with the others," she said as she hugged him. "And you're sad. Don't be sad! It'll be okay, you'll see." 

Cody froze, his hand coming up to cup the back of her head, as her words sunk into him. He had been with Obi-Wan enough times when the other had gone to visit the creche to know that Force sensitive children were downright uncanny sometimes. He personally thought the proper word was creepy when they looked right through you and said something they shouldn't know--there was a time when a little boy Obi-Wan had slyly told him with a proud smile was bound to be Skywalker's next Padawan had looked right at him and told him that he should "listen to the numbers man so we can all be Padawans" and then rattled off troop positioning for an upcoming battle that had been very useful… 

Numbers man. 

Fives. 

Listen to Fives. 

Cody's breath caught in his chest and he gripped Leia tighter to him as his eyes burned. He tried to push it back--could feel his throat beginning to get too thick, pressure building in his head and behind his eyes, his nose itching in that awful way, the way his chest ached in such a hollow way like he'd been shot with a blaster-cannon at close-range--and failed. He choked on the gasp, the sob, as he clung to the little girl who was every inch her _dead mother_ and let it loose. He cried into her strong, tiny shoulder, remembering the images of the Temple and the bodies--so many bodies. So many tiny, tiny bodies just like the one in his arms. 

The 7th Sky Corps weren't the only clones sent in to make sure the Coruscant Temple had been nullified, every clone had been directed to go there and make sure it had been cleaned out. That the Jedi threat had been eradicated. As a Marshall Commander Cody had supervised, had listened to the reports, had used his intimate knowledge of the Temple to best direct his men where to go. Hangars full of large transport vessels and children from the creche--blown apart by heavy artillery with bodies scattered around like so much refuse. 

Waste. 

Cody had seen reports of the same happening on Kamino. His brothers, still in tanks and not yet decanted, having been destroyed by natural-born humans so there would be no more clones. An order, apparently, from the Emperor that his followers were all too eager to comply with. 

The horrors of the Empire. The endless grind of the Republic and the War. He was made for it, for War, but that didn't mean he was whole. He lost a piece of himself every time a brother died on his watch, by his order, but that was what command was like. _You accepted those responsibilities when you went through the training, and you did your best because if you didn't take care of your family no one else would._ He learned those lessons and swallowed them and no one told him he had to like it but he did what he could, and he had kept going. 

He had done what he could for Rex, for Ahsoka, for his _General_. 

None of it had mattered, absolutely none of it. 

How many of his brothers would die by the thousands in an Empire that saw them as constant reminders of a War fought for a Republic that didn't exist anymore? A reminder about the Jedi, something that was actively being erased and lied about. There had been close to forty million clones by the end of the war--production had increased even as they kept dying because of the sieges--and now? 

And as terrified for his brothers, his family, as he was, Cody just wanted his life--his very small, personal life--to just go back to normal. Whatever normal could even pass for anymore. His brothers would make plans, such grand plans, for after the War and then ask him what he wanted to do. He had told them he had too much paperwork to do to worry about the end of the War, or that he'd always be too busy cleaning up after them to worry about his own life. All that time, though, he had Obi-Wan in his bed, in his mind and in his heart, and they carefully didn't talk about what would happen next. Not until Utapau and Cody's impulsively spoken words. 

He didn't even know why he had asked Obi-Wan, not really. It had felt right and seeing the way his General had latched onto the words had only validated that feeling. He knew, even when he had asked, what the consequences would be for them both. Him shipped back to Kamino for the horrible date of reconditioning, and his General likely kicked out and shoved to the side. There had been the slimmest of chances that the Council would have let them be since his General essentially ran the GAR with General Windu, but Cody? He doubted that, despite the years of political capital his General had, and the supposedly juicy blackmail material on the other Council members, that his fate would have changed. Privately, in the darkest parts of the night, Cody had hoped that after the War when neither of them were needed anymore that they could find someplace to live, just the two of them. Despite all the challenges against them. His brothers would be close, of course, and it was a given that Skywalker would be just as ridiculously close since that man did not understand that you gave people _breathing room_ \--but he and Obi-Wan would settle somewhere. Tea and caf mixed in a cabinet, a bed that they fit in and wasn't bolted to the wall, a kitchen either of them could comfortably cook in, a decently squishy chair for Obi-Wan to read (and fall asleep) in, and room for Cody to...do whatever it was he wanted. 

"It's okay," Leia cooed at him, a hand on his cheek. "Don't be sad, it's going to be okay." 

Cody pulled back, freeing a hand to try to rub the tears and snot away with his sleeve. Leia wrinkled her nose and he chuckled wetly. "It's a boy thing," he said. 

"Papa doesn't," she said primly, settling on his knee. She searched her pockets and produced a handkerchief for him. "Use this." 

Cody sniffed and took it, wiping his face and blowing his nose. Leia scrunched her face at the noise and he pulled her close in a hug. "You're a good kid," he said. He carefully did not say: _Your parents would be so proud of you._

"You'll have a house," Leia said promptly. "It'll be warm but nice, and there will be a squishy chair, and you'll have lots of green things, and there's two mugs that Winter and I need to make for you. And he's going to be okay, promise." She looked at him and smiled like the sun coming out from behind clouds. "You two are very happy, and there's a little boy with blond hair playing with a starship Mr Ben made him." 

"O-oh?" Cody asked, breath stuttering in his chest. A boy with blond hair. A girl with brown hair. Skywalker and Amidala. Was it possible? 

Leia nodded. "Yup!" 

There was a knock on the door and then it opened, Rex sticking his head in. "Hey, Princess," he said as he opened the door further and leaned against the frame. "Your mom and Winter are looking for you. Apparently you escaped a dress fitting." 

"Cody needed me more than I needed some stupid dress," Leia said with a nod. 

"Well," Rex said, taking a careful step into the room. "Cody's my brother and I'm here now. Why don't I take care of him and you go to your fitting? You can spend some time with your mom this way too." 

Leia shifted on Cody's lap, a terrifyingly protective look on her face that reminded him so much of a certain Senator. "You promise you'll take care of him? He's very sad and needs lots of hugs!" 

Cody tried to choke back the laugh and leans forward to kiss the top of Leia's head. "Run along, _vod'ika_ ," he said. "You can show off your dress to me later, before you destroy it." 

Leia tipped her head back, a spark of mischief that was such a mix of both parents that his heart hurt. "Promise?" she asked. 

"Aye, aye, I promise," he said. "Now shoo, my brother is a menace and looks like he wants to pretend to be the older one for once." 

"You were decanted maybe a _minute_ before me," Rex said, crossing his arms. 

"Still older," Cody said tiredly, letting go of Leia and watching as slid off his lap and bed and darted over to Rex. She gave him a quick hug before tugging him down to whisper something in his ear, tiny face perfectly serious, and then she was smiling and running out the door. "Since when are children exhausting?" 

"When they're not clone children or Jedi children," Rex said as he sat on the bed next to him. "You good?" 

Cody glanced at the door, thinking. "She's Skywalker's kid," he said slowly. "Means she's kriffing strong in the Force, yeah?" Rex nodded slowly, a suspicious look on his face. "Then I _will_ be okay, even if I'm not now." 

"She tell you that?" Rex asked. 

"I wasn't just fripping my General," Cody said, leaning against the headboard and stretching his legs out to bump against Rex. "I asked him to say the _riduurok_ with me." Rex's jaw dropped, a stunned look of horror on his face. Cody was too tired, too wrung out, to care and just gave him a tired smile. "There's so much you don't know, Rex. They thought I was dangerous and isolated me. I didn't have any _vod'e_ around me for three years, only people who thought I was less than the trash in the compactor. I've been free of the chip and all of that for maybe two months now and everything I was holding onto is wrong." 

"Cody," Rex said, his voice doing something Cody couldn't understand. It was low and something about it made Cody _hurt_. 

"What do you want from me, Rex?" Cody asked. "I'm tired. I'm so tired." 

Rex was quiet for a moment before he leaned over and wrestled his boots off. Cody watched him, curious but feeling detatched from everything. Crying, apparently, was exhausting. Who knew? Once Rex had gotten his boots off, he shucked off his jacket and moved on the bed. 

"C'mon," Rex said. "We're gonna nap. You're tired? Yeah, well, so am I. I'm tired of watching you power through all of this like you don't have family there for you." 

"Rex," Cody protested as his _vod_ forcibly manhandled him under the covers and into a tight hold. 

"Shut up," Rex muttered. "We're sleeping, remember? We're gonna rest up, then we're gonna feed you. If you wanna try to punch my face in, we can do that too. That always cheered you up before." 

Cody let Rex hold him, startled, and tried to relax. He...he wasn't alone anymore, was he? Sure, his General was out of touch, but he… He had his _vod'e_ , right? He shifted, turning his face into Rex's shoulder and closed his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered. 

"You're on your own with Wolffe," Rex said, sounding drowsy. "He's pretty kriffed up about Koon, still. Swears he hears him still, dreams about him. Dunno. Maybe Kenobi will be good for him too." 

Cody huffed softly. "Rex, we're the ones who're gonna need to put our Jedi back together this time." 

Rex hummed noncommittally and rubbed at Cody's back. That was cheating, Cody thought as he yawned and felt his eyes flutter. Cheating cheater. 

= 

Cody stretched out in the bed, blanket twisted around his legs, and a warm and solid presence pressed close to his side. The duvet was still over them, if pushed down slightly, but it was enough to protect their naked skin from the cool air circulating through the suite. The sun had barely risen, casting warm red light through windows they had forgotten to draw the curtains on last night, nice but not yet annoying. 

He yawned as he rolled over and tugged the other back into his arms, nuzzling at his neck and brushing an absent kiss over his shoulder. There was a mumbled protest, a tiny whine of denial, and then the lithe body in his arms was twisting and sliding down? 

"What're you doing?" Cody asked, his voice rough with disuse, smiling as he rolled onto his back. There was a hum and sleepy eyes blinked up at him from where Obi-Wan had draped himself along Cody's body. There was mischief in those more blue than green eyes and an indecent curl to his lips as he leaned down to kiss the flat of Cody's stomach. 

Cody let his legs fall open to better cradle his Jedi, a hand sliding into the soft, thick hair so he had something to hold onto. It was rare, having such time to themselves on a planet where there was no war, in a bed where they could wrestle for dominance before pinning the other down and having their sordid way with them. Cody hissed, feeling teeth graze his hip as Obi-Wan slid down lower, eyes focused on Cody's face. 

"Obi," Cody murmured, breath coming quicker. 

"Lazy morning," Obi-Wan murmured before biting a mark high against Cody's thigh and then sucking a kiss against his skin. "I have ideas for such a lazy morning." 

"Do you?" Cody asked. 

Obi-Wan smiled up at him in an entirely indecent manner before nuzzling at Cody's awakening erection, clever fingers already teasingly fondling his balls. "Sometimes you let your thoughts slip when you're irritated with me," he said, wrapping a hand around Cody's cock and stroking him slowly. Cody groaned, arching into the touch and tried to listen to his tease of a love. "How you'd love to shut me up by putting something in my mouth?" 

To be fair, Cody usually only thought that when Obi-Wan was agreeing to Skywalker's insane plans, coming up with his own plans that had little success of working, or was arguing against logical decisions because he felt like being a contrary bastard. As Obi-Wan teasingly licked at the head of Cody's cock and Cody's fingers tighten in that wonderful hair, he felt the touch of his Jedi's mind across his-- 

_So you often want to shut me up with your cock then?_

Cody choked back a shout, nearly coming off the bed, as Obi-Wan swallowed him down. His ridiculous, vile, _evil_ Jedi used to Force to hold him down as he put that mouth of his to possibly his best use--worshipping cock. He let the feelings of tongue and mouth and the barest hint of teeth wash over him as he tried to keep hold of his control. He loved this, how easily his Obi-Wan could give himself over to the physical need and pleasure of intimacy, and knew no matter how aloof he kept himself during the day that this was an unwritten truth to the man. Cody slid his hand down Obi-Wan's face to cup his cheek, his thumb against the edge of Obi-Wan's saliva-slick lips, and groaned as the digit was pulled in alongside his cock. 

"Obi, _c'yare_ , c'mere, want--want more," Cody gasped as he cupped the other's jaw with the rest of his hand. He didn't want to spend himself in Obi-Wan's mouth, no matter how talented he was, he wanted more. He would always, always want _more_. 

There was a moment of reluctance, the way Obi-Wan would slide his mouth oh so torturously slowly off him only to lick his way back down the shaft, to suck demandingly at the head of Cody's cock, backing off only to come back for more. Cody growled and flipped them, managing to turn the tables and pin his laughing lover to the sheets. 

"Tease," Cody accused, trying to keep control of himself. 

"Is it really teasing when I plan on following through?" Obi-Wan asked, arching up under him. "When I want so much more?" 

Cody leaned down to kiss him, laughing against his mouth. The lube floated over and smacked into his side, a clear demand, and Cody found he had no problem following this implied order. He grabbed the lube and slicked his fingers, waggling his eyebrows in exaggeration at Obi-Wan, loving the delighted flush on his face. 

_This is wrong_ , part of him thought, as he bit at Obi-Wan's shoulder and reached down, testing to see how loose he was from last night. A breathy moan was his answer as a finger slid in without issue, the second meeting a bit of resistance that only encouraged his Jedi to whisper filthy demands to hurry up, two fingers was enough, he'd be so tight around Cody, he needed him now desperately please. 

The part of Cody's mind that wasn't awash in lust and need recognized that this wasn't quite right. They hadn't gotten this far before. War had broken out on the planet during their leave and Cody had been about to come, fine with accepting the early morning blow job, when bombs had started going off. 

But this, this was a dream, wasn't it? He recognized that as he teasingly opened Obi-Wan up, ignoring his begging and sucked kisses along his chest. He watched himself, tucked inside his mind, as he sat back against the headboard and pulled his handsome Jedi into his lap, kissing him hungrily as Obi-Wan slid down onto his cock. 

They'd been interrupted. Someone had realized General Kenobi was on planet and where he was staying and had all but broken down their door. They'd been so startled and Cody had fallen off the bed, hiding out of sight while some official panicked at Obi-Wan, barely covered by a sheet. Cody had been terrified to move--not that Obi-Wan had been much better--thinking that the whole of the GAR was about to descend upon them and find them out. 

It had ended up being a relatively straightforward battle, although Obi-Wan had landed himself in medical with Sawbones absolutely livid at both of them. Obi-Wan had a scar along the left side of his ribcage from shrapnel that should never have hit him but had caught both of them off-guard. The 212th had gotten to the kriffing planet just in time to beat back the rest of the forces and for Sawbones to find Cody up to his wrists in Obi-Wan's blood. 

"This," Obi-Wan panted as he pulled Cody into a kiss, "is how it should have gone." 

Cody's hands went to his hips and gripped them tight, grinding in against him, keeping the other from moving. Dream, this was a dream, but it _felt so real_ … "Obi, Ben...wha--what're you doing?" he asked. 

The was the tiniest of whines, of protests, as Obi-Wan slumped against him. His hands stroked over Cody's chest and face and kisses rained down on him, desperation and need thick enough in the air that Cody could taste them without any help from the Force. "Dreaming," he said. "Was so lonely and, and I. You. Please, I need to _move_." 

"This isn't real," Cody growled, letting go of his hips. 

"Isn't it?" Obi-Wan murmured, the slyest look on his face as he let his head tip back and he moved. "W-what's real, after all? Don't we define it?" 

"Not having a debate with you right now," Cody said, helping his Obi find the right angle for both of them. This position gave all the power to Obi-Wan, let his beautiful Jedi put on a show for Cody while letting him control how fast or how slow they went. Usually Cody didn't mind, happy to watch his Obi work himself near frantic on his cock, to see how flushed and gorgeous he got before he came--but this wasn't one of those times. He didn't want to watch Obi-Wan ride him, he wanted to get rid of this burning ache inside him, inside _them_ , and end this dream. 

Then he was going to find his Jedi and throttle him within an inch of his life. 

Obi-Wan laughed and Cody growled, grabbing at the other's ass on a upward thrust and pulling him off as he flipped them. Obi-Wan landed on his back with a soft oof and Cody pinned him, careful to watch how their weight landed, grabbing at Obi-Wan's leg and pulling it over his hip. He stroked the muscle there, thoughtful for a moment. 

Obi-Wan's breathing quickened as he stared up at Cody, licking his lips. "You, uh, going to…?" 

"You want me to fuck you?" Cody asked as he leaned down to nip at the edge of Obi-Wan's ear. "You want me to--" 

"Yes," Obi-Wan growled, arching up against him. "That was the whole point to--" 

"Why?" Cody asked, a hand caressing Obi's cheek. "Why are you doing this?" 

"Because I don't want to be alone, you're here and I can feel how close you are, and you were so distressed earlier and I couldn't help you," Obi-Wan burst out. He reached down to grab at Cody's ass, to try to encourage him to do something, but Cody pinned his wrists near his head. "Because everything is such a mess and I don't know what to do anymore! I want, I wish we could just. Cody, please!" 

"We're both such a mess, aren't we?" Cody asked, leaning in to kiss him. "Dream walking for the sake of sex, General? Isn't that a misuse of the Force?" 

"Fuck the rules," Obi-Wan muttered as he squirmed against Cody. "Who's around to yell at me anymore?" 

Cody smiled and kissed him again, using every trick he knew to try to steal his Obi's breath as he shifted their positions just enough to push back inside his lover. Obi-Wan broke the kiss to gasp a thankful and demanding _Yes!_ against his cheek. Cody hummed as he nuzzled against Obi-Wan's throat, biting kisses against the sensitive flesh as he thrust. He ignored the demands for harder, faster, more dammit--it was his turn now and he would do whatever he wanted. If he wanted to draw it out, to watch the flush creep over Obi's pale skin, to see him so lost in pleasure he could barely form words? Then that's what he would do. 

And it was, in fact, what he wanted. 

A dream lacked actual flesh, lacked the limits and constraints of a real body--Cody could take his time taking his Obi apart. What did it matter if this was real or not when he had Obi-Wan gasping soundlessly as he arched against him, hands gripping at Cody's biceps hard enough to leave bruises, one leg pressed between them as Cody sought to give Obi-Wan the Galaxy-shattering orgasm he deserved. His Obi knew not to touch himself, not unless Cody told him he could, not when they got like this. 

He was close--whether flesh or not, dream or not, he could feel the ache and burn and the way fire raced along his nerves and spine--and he leaned down to murmur into his ear. "When you get better and are out of that tank? I'm going to take my time with you, make it better than this dream of yours because it'll be _real_. I'm going to take you apart and remake you, and all that will matter is us, because we're going to be together. We survived for a reason, Obi-Wan, and I'll be damned if I let them take our happiness away from us." He paused, smiling against Obi's cheek and pulled back enough to look into the other's eyes as he freed a hand to stroke his cock. "Besides, you owe me vows, _c'yare_." 

Obi-Wan's nails dug into Cody's skin, screaming as he came, his head thrown back and tendons standing out in stark relief. Cody groaned, not lasting much more than a few more thrusts himself. They lay together, exhausted and sweaty, as they touched each other's faces gently. 

"You still want me?" Obi-Wan asked almost shyly. 

Cody kissed his fingers. "We've both done some things we're not proud of since the Empire rose, and we do need to talk about it, but I am not letting you go. You need to get better, so let the bacta do its damned work and don't pull another one of these dreamwalks." He nipped a thumb and smirked. "Organa's on my side, I'm sure he's got some sort of Force-blocking drug he could pump into you to make sure you _heal_ instead of pulling any more of these walkabouts." 

His exhausted Obi wrinkled his nose and huffed. "Fine," he said. "I'll leave you alone. But if you need me--" 

"I'll come visit," Cody said. "You want to undo this dream?" 

"Not really," Obi-Wan murmured, pressing close. "This, here? We're still us. Out there--" 

"Out there is real. We're us there too, Obi, just damaged," Cody said. Aw, kriff. He really was going to have to talk to Rex, or someone from Organa's staff, if he wanted to deal with his crazy General. "Undo the dream." 

Obi-Wan hesitated. "You'll--" 

"Obi-Wan," Cody said, casting his mind back and remembering what his General had said. "You're not alone. If you'd like, we could set up a rotation in the med bay. Have someone with you at all times, so you know it for fact." 

Obi-Wan flushed and hesitantly nodded. "Yes. That, that would be good. The Force is so quiet and I, the bonds are. I can't." A determined look and then a nod. "It would be good to know who else is here, to see them even if I can't interact with them immediately." 

"I'll arrange for it, once you let me wake up," Cody said, putting just the right enough of teasing behind his words to soften the blow. He understood the panic, had seen it in Shinies after their first major battle, but in Jedi it always presented differently. Cody's Jedi was always a special case, denying that he needed anything while another part of him cried for so much. 

Obi-Wan relaxed against him. "Love you," he murmured. 

"That was never a doubt, _c'yare_ ," Cody said. 

= 

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in sweat and-- 

Oh. 

Rex was sitting down by the foot of the bed, a datapad in one hand and a smirk on his face. "Good dream?" he asked. 

"Yeah, dream," Cody said as he flopped back onto the bed. "More like I got kidnapped by my General." Because he sensed Cody's distress, because he was lonely, because they always did do better talking to each other when they were in a bed. 

"Wait, Kenobi did what?" Rex asked, looking disturbed as he set the datapad aside. 

Cody flopped a hand at him. "He was worried, felt me being a--whatever. And he's lonely in the medbay. We should set up some sort of schedule so there's someone keeping him company." 

"He's in bacta," Rex said slowly. 

"Jedi," Cody said as if that explained everything. It should, actually, and Rex should know that considering who his General was. 

" _Bacta_ ," Rex said. "Heavy sedation." 

Cody rolled off the bed and went for the dresser with more clothes. He needed to get clean. "It's never stopped him before, won't stop him going forward. He's always been a little weird with bacta. You can check with Boil if you don't believe me." Cody grabbed fresh clothes and dug for a towel. "My Jedi tends to dreamwalk when he gets bored. It helped the Shinies, or those who were sick or hurting, and--" 

"And you two just happen to what?" Rex asked, a smile starting to creep back onto his face. "Have sex whenever he visits your dreams?" 

"No," Cody said with a roll of his eyes. Usually they were still and quiet together, on a memory of a beach with an endless sunset, or they played sabaac or something. This was the first time his Obi had fed him a memory and then changed it and they had continued on toward actual completion. He wasn't sure what that meant. 

"You know," Rex said as he got off the bed. "It sounds like maybe he's tuned to you or something. You ever think about that?" 

Cody stared at him and then pointed to the door. "I'm going to take a shower, you and your crackpot theories can leave." 

"My General had one with the Senator," Rex said quietly. "You and Kenobi? Don't see how it's much different. It's not a crackpot theory when you look at it that way." 

Cody made a face. "I'm sure if there was some mystical Jedi bond that the General would tell me, if only because it would have been useful on the field, or could have been of some use during the past four years. Rex, sometimes our Jedi can just do things. Your General liked to latch onto people and not let go. Mine likes to fuss over everyone and if he can't physically check on them he will burn himself out checking on them any way he can." He found a towel and pulled it out. "You want to shower with me, _vod_?" 

Rex sighed and picked up his datapad. "Dinner should be soon. You'll come to that without one of us needing to escort you?" 

"I'm going to check on the General first, but yes, I'll be there," Cody said, waving Rex off as he stepped into the small 'fresher attached to his room. He thought he heard Rex mutter something but he didn't care. There was more than enough for Cody to think about without worrying about what _Rex_ was thinking about. 

A shower, clean clothes, and a visit to the medbay to lecture his ridiculous Jedi about how _clinging_ to people is sometimes not the best idea. 

= 

Cody stood in front of Obi-Wan's bacta tank with his arms crossed and tired not to sigh. For all outward appearances, the Jedi was out cold as he floated inside the tank with his eyes closed and his limbs gently drifting in the currents. For those who knew Obi-Wan Kenobi, however, they would be able to tell from the barely detectable eye movements and the restless twitching of his fingers that he was not as unconscious as he appeared. Sedated, to a point, and bored out of his skull. 

"You know," Cody said, "you could have waited. Or, at the very least, just told me you were lonely and bored. You didn't have to expend so much energy." He paused, a thought occurring to him and his eyes narrowed. "You sneak! You're using this downtime to try to get the Force under control again, aren't you?" 

A wave of emotion washed over him--amusement, a tinge of embarrassment, longing. The bacta messed with his Obi's perception and ability to focus, but emotions were fair game when once thinned their shields enough, or so Obi had rambled. 

"I was in bed with _Rex_ ," Cody growled. "Rex, who was worried and whom I've been trying to patch things up with. Rex, who I probably." Cody flushed. "Well, you know." There was a definite feeling of _oops_ radiating at him and Cody tried not to be entertained. "You are so much trouble, Obi, what am I going to do with you?" 

There was a momentary pause and then warmth--lust, love, affection, need, all tinged with the slightest bit of sadness. Cody leaned against the tank, rubbing at the gnarled scar at his temple as he tried to figure that out. He understood all the positive emotions, the general way Obi-Wan felt about him, but the sadness was confusing. It wasn't guilt, unless he wasn't understanding the messages correctly, just the tinge of sadness. Or was it regret? 

"I hate playing hot and cold emotions with you," Cody said, rapping his knuckles against the tank. "You love me and you're...what, sorry you're in the mess you're in?" A pulse of love had Cody chuckling. "I don't know if you'd be nearly as interesting if you weren't such a disaster, _c'yare_." 

"You always did like puzzles," Boil agreed, coming up to them. "Hey General, how's the bacta?" 

Joy, annoyance, the feeling of a _sigh_ being released around them had both Cody and Boil laughing. Their General was never the best patient. 

Boil stepped up next to Cody against the tank and put his hand near Obi-Wan's. "I'm so kriffing _glad_ to see you, sir," he said, voice thick. Cody looked at him, startled, watching as his second fought to control his emotions. "I'm sorry that we couldn't have been there, that something took us away from you, but we're here now. You're ours, sir, and--" 

Boil and Cody both froze as Obi-Wan jerked in the bacta, his hand coming down with force against the glass between them to send a reverberation through the bacta and the glass itself. His eyes were open as he stared at them, emotions roiling around the three of them. Helplessness, a emotion Cody knew as protective rage, grief, regret, and love. Boil pulled away, rubbing at his eyes and sniffing, as he cleared his throat loudly. 

" _C'yare_ ," Cody scolded gently to give Boil time to recover. "You need to let the bacta do its work. The more you fight it, the longer you're going to be in there." 

A frizzle of defiance and… Cody squinted at Obi-Wan as the other slowly slumped back into the currents of the bacta. That had definitely been the Force equivalent of a sulk. He tried not to be amused and failed, but he turned to Boil and wrapped an arm around the other. 

"I came to get you for dinner," Boil said as he leaned into Cody. "Bail said he'd come sit with the General while we eat and then we can all figure out how we want to set up a schedule. Since we're trying to prevent him from dreamwalking, making sure he's kept occupied would be good." 

Cody nodded, reaching out to tap the tank. "You hear that? Behave. Organa will be here shortly." Fingers twitched and Cody rolled his eyes. "Mature, sir, very mature. Flipping off the man who is working so hard to make sure you're not left alone." The image of a cot being set up nearby was sent to him and he shook his head, walking out of the medbay with Boil. Such ideas didn't bear considering, or answering. He understood that Obi-Wan wanted him close, but if he let his General have his way then the medbay would be packed full of every single sentient life that he felt personally responsible for and protective of, and the healers would revolt. 

Better to know when to cut his General off, especially when he had a feeling that nothing they did would prevent Obi-Wan from showing up in his dreams again. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been forgetting beta credits. Shame on me. :x Betas have been a lovely and wonderful rotation of SL-Walker, Shadowmaat, and ShaeTiann (whenever someone is free and able to lend eyeballs). Generally, they are also the people who are awful enough to lend evil ideas to this project as well. So everyone should love them.

Obi-Wan wasn't sure what to expect when Bail came into the medbay. He knew his friend was annoyed with him—quite possibly an understatement—but Bail also understood, to a degree, why Obi-Wan did the things he did. He was still feeling a little raw from his trip into Cody's dreams, and then from Boil's utterly unnecessary apology, that having Bail here made him uncertain. Was he about to be lectured when he couldn't talk back? Was Bail just going to sit there? 

It was ridiculous but his anxiety grew the longer it took Bail to say anything. The other man had found a comfortable chair and settled near to him, but said nothing. He wasn't about to try to fight back the sedation again like he had with Boil but he was being eaten alive by his curiosity. Did Bail have work with him? Was he just sitting there? Even in the Force he felt too calm, like a lake with a mirror surface, but Obi-Wan knew all too well that the was darkness lurking under such bodies of water. 

Qui-Gon had often projected such a feel to him—a calm lake, a serene river, gentle water—but never did anyone remember that Obi-Wan knew water was one of the most destructive forces in their world. It could save someone, was precious on many worlds, but too much of it? Too much water would destroy whole cities and villages, could drown someone, and there were currents in some bodies that were deadly to an unaware swimmer. Water, both the giver and taker of life. 

"I'm not sure how much of what Cody told me is true," Bail said finally. "Bacta means you're sedated to practical unconsciousness. Then again, this is you we're talking about." 

Obi-Wan would have flushed if he could have. Bail had no idea how right he was. 

"I sent a message to Quinlan Vos, asking him," Bail said. "I have yet to hear back but in the meantime there's no harm in indulging your former Commander." 

Obi-Wan let the bacta currents drift around him, carrying him around the tube by mere centimeters and inches. Quin...had he known? He couldn't remember. Obi-Wan and his friends often would camp out near the tanks whenever one of them was injured. He knew he wasn't the only Jedi that bacta acted weird with, there was...there _had been_ a notation in his records. Not many had actually listened to the notation—Anakin had never visited—but the Halls of Healing often had enough people around to keep him occupied. 

Quin might remember the past, or he might not. It shouldn't matter to Obi-Wan even though it bothered him in a small, uncomfortable way. What had happened to the records? The files on the other members of the Order— 

"I do not get anxiety," Bail said suddenly, catching his attention, "so that must be you. Would you kindly _knock it off_? Honestly, Obi-Wan, one would think with everything you have been through that anxiety would be beneath you." 

Obi-Wan crafted a spear of annoyance, frustration, and outrage and flung it at the other man. Bail Organa was not a Jedi, nor was he Force-sensitive—the clones weren't either but they were _his_ men and he knew what they felt like—but he would be damned if he didn't make his opinions known. He would be as anxious as he pleased! 

" _Ow_ ," Bail muttered. "All right, I get it. Your former Commander was telling the truth and you're not drugged to the gills." 

Obi-Wan would have sniffed in satisfaction but, well. Bacta. 

"Leia is doing well," Bail said quietly. "She does has a disturbing tendency to look at someone and then tell them their future. Other than that I would say she is very much her...well. Let's just say a mutual friend of ours would be proud." 

Well, fuck. If Leia was doing that, what was Luke doing? 

"I'm sure whatever shield you and Master Yoda placed on her is holding, but if you don't mind checking? Or, if need be, placing more blocks. I would greatly appreciate it." 

He floated for a moment, considering. Was that something he could do? He was still surprised he had managed to find Cody and then slip into his dreams. The Force had not quite forsaken him, as he had both hoped and dreaded, but seemed to act differently around him. Perhaps it was his perception that had changed and not the Force? If that was the case, what did that mean for him—and those he wanted to protect? 

He sent Bail a tentative agreement. He hoped Bail could understand him. It had taken his troops a few times before they had figured it out. Even Cody had needed a time or two to realize Obi-Wan was trying to communicate with him. 

The feeling of Bail in the Force settled and there was a sigh from the other man. "Another mutual friend of ours is worried about you as well," Bail continued. "I've kept her at bay for the time being but we both know that won't last." 

He had to be talking about Ahsoka. He vaguely remembered Bail telling him that she was alive and well. There was something reassuring about that, that she had not only escaped an Order that failed her but had survived where so many others had not. Although, if she was worried about him that meant she had been watching him fall apart. The shame burned through him. What must she think of all of this, of him, of Anakin? 

"It's possible she may stop by during our vacation," Bail said. 

Vacation? 

"Your former Commander--" 

Lover. His everything. 

"--convinced me to take all of us on a holiday," Bail said. "Somewhere relaxing for you and the others. I could hardly separate Leia and Winter from their beloved guards so we all will be joining you." 

Obi-Wan was startled but, he had to admit, touched and amused. Bail and Cody were apparently a very bad combination. Damn his luck. Any other time he would have laughed and called it his just desserts, but this was not then. 

"We might even get that man to talk about his time with the Empire," Bail said. "Rex is very worried about his brother and I have to agree with him. It's not good to keep that sort of trauma bottled up." 

Obi-Wan let that spin around his head for a bit. Cody was in trouble? Was hurting? The idea made Obi-Wan uncomfortable. He didn't want Cody to hurt. Cody had always been okay--well. Not always. The times when he hadn't been okay were few and far between. That he was hurting now made Obi-Wan want to break out of bacta and hide the other away, protect him, watch over him, until the other could do that for himself. 

He was hopeless. How long ago was it since the last time he had been so dead set on killing every clone he had come across before they got him? Cody, and Boil and the others, shouldn't want anything to do with him. No one should. What was Bail even doing here? He had a family, an honest to Force _family_ , who loved him and wanted him. 

Obi-Wan's family was either all dead or… 

_Anakin._

Something black and cold wrapped around him. _Master_ , it hissed. 

Obi-Wan jerked in panic, turning in the tube against the currents. No, no, not here. _He_ couldn't be here! 

_Where is here?_ Anakin asked, trying to be so nice. Obi-Wan knew better now but he didn't know where the voice was coming from. Their bond had been shattered on Mustafar, hadn't it? _Of course it didn't_ , the Anakin voice purred against his mind, sliding like engine oil along what was left of his shields. _Why would I let_ him _take you away too?_

Obi-Wan felt his heart stop beating for a moment and pushed himself back against the tank. No, no, he had to get away. He couldn't be here, not if Anakin could _find him_. There was too much happening, too many important things he had to protect-- 

_You don't have to protect anything from_ me, Anakin murmured, sending what he probably thought comfort was along the shattered remains of the bond. _I can protect you, Master, from everything._

Obi-Wan heard alarms sounding, shouts, as he focused in-ward and found that shattered pathway. There had to be a point, or several, that had been weakened far enough that he could break it further. Nothing would be able to fully break the bond, he realized, unless one of them died-- _NO!_ he heard shouted at him--but that was something to consider later. For now, though, he could rip apart the bond. There was too much to do, to protect. There were people who deserved to live, not die, despite him. 

He was being pulled from the bacta, hands on him--distracting him. He flung them back with the Force and dove back inside himself. Yes, there. He formed a spike in his not-hand and slammed it into the broken edges of the bond and, with another thought, he made himself a hammer. He pounded the spike into the bond until more strands broke apart, ignoring the screams and threats, the _hate_ that Anakin spewed at him. 

He knew there was no way to severe the bond, not fully, but he could continue to break it apart until it was barely functional. 

Something grabbed him and he saw Anakin, _his_ Anakin, holding onto the section of the bond he had just destroyed. He was whole and still so painfully earnest looking--a demon hiding behind an angel's face--as he reached out to grab Obi-Wan's arm. "Don't do this," Anakin begged. "Master, please. I need you, I need your help. I've lost Padme, please don't make me lose you too." 

"I've never made you do anything," Obi-Wan snapped. "You chose to listen to that man and to hide it, to ignore everything I have ever taught you--" 

"Then _save me_!" Anakin challenged, his eyes alight with insanity. "Save me and we can rule the Galaxy together. We can restore order. We can _make_ it be whatever we want!" 

Obi-Wan recoiled from Anakin, pulling away from him. "My Padawan, my brother, the Anakin I knew is dead," he said. "He would never suggest these things." 

Anakin straightened, face gone blank and cold. "I tried, I want you to know that. I wanted to have you with me, like _she_ should have been, like you both should have been. It could have been perfect, I would even have let you keep your worthless clones." 

"They were never worthless," Obi-Wan whispered, feeling hollow and uncertain in this new facet of Anakin. 

"That why you killed them yourself?" Anakin asked brightly, a happy smile crossing his face. A bolt of electricity slammed through him and Obi-Wan gasped. "NO!" Anakin shouted, making a grab for him. "You stay with _me_!" 

Obi-Wan pulled away before Anakin could touch him and then, another bolt, and the world around him was fading. His chest hurt. Someone was swearing as they pushed on his chest and then there were hands on his mouth and--no. He used the Force to push whoever it was away and rolled over. Oh, there was bacta in his mouth and throat. He felt himself heave and got rid of the nasty too-sweet stuff, laying there weakly. 

"Obi-Wan?" someone said from close by. He couldn't figure out who it was past _male_. "Are you back with us now?" 

"At least he didn't break the tank," someone else said. "Remember the last time the General was in one? Cruiser was under attack and he shattered the stang thing." 

A hand was in his hair, or slicking it back from his face. "You need a haircut," they said softly. 

Too much, too much. He winced away from the hand-person. His body felt--burnt and sensitive and hollow and all these things he didn't understand. Too much and maybe not enough? He curled in on himself and tried to breathe. He heard people talking over and around him and he focused on breathing. 

There was a hand on his wrist when he finally came back to himself, someone's thumb stroking over the thin skin near his pulse, but he felt calmer for it. There was no darkness in this room--maybe some worry, but no darkness. It was soothing, after… 

"Obi-Wan, you with us now?" someone said. 

"Mm," he said, flexing his wrist to loosely hold the other person's arm. 

"Sir, what happened?" someone said. It wasn't the person who held his wrist, who he was leaning against. There were three people close by in the same room as him, warm lights pressing close, all reassuring. The others in the room must have left because he could have sworn there had been more before. 

"'n'kin," he sighed. "Tried…" Words were too hard. His body must still be working through the bacta sedation. The person under him stiffened and he made himself turn to look--it was Cody. A very tired, worried looking Cody. 

"Vader?" Cody asked, voice and face doing something Obi-Wan couldn't understand. "How did he...?" Obi-Wan turned his head into Cody's chest and closed his eyes. Someone made an exclamation of panic but Cody just let go of Obi-Wan's wrist to brush his fingers through his hair instead. "It's all right, sir, I have this watch," Cody said. 

Obi-Wan listened to Cody's voice, felt his warmth, and let himself fall into the black. 

= 

When he woke next he was in a biobed and there were still people talking around him. Not a surprise but an occurrence he was getting very tired of. He cracked an eye open and turned his head toward the sound of voices. He felt something pulling at his arm and chilled by something. They had put a line in, then, instead of putting him back in a tank. He wondered why. 

"--not like I understand Jedi," someone was saying. 

"You two would know better than any of us," another said. "The only other being I could contact is not returning my comms and I doubt anyone wants to go looking for him." 

"Fulcrum might know," a third voice said. "We could ask her." 

"If Vader can get to Ben here, he could get to Fulcrum," the second person said. "This does not thrill me, gentlemen." 

Obi-Wan snorted, drawing attention to himself. "If Fulcrum is who I think they are? He might care, eventually, but only after." He coughed, his voice giving out. Cody, who had been one of the voices now that he could properly see everyone, came over to hand him the cup of water that had been nearby. 

"Drink slowly," Cody murmured. "Then you can explain." 

He didn't exactly want to explain, not really. He had kept quiet about Mustafar, except for that moment of weakness of confession to Cody, and he wanted to keep it that way, but the tight look on Bail's face and the open worry on Rex's made him think he had no choice. He drank the water, buying himself time as the others settled around him, Cody keeping close with that look in his eye that usually meant bad things for Obi-Wan. That was his "You skipped out on Medical and you're bleeding out _again_ , sir? Really? Why do I even bother?" face. 

Once the water was gone, the cup was plucked from his hand and Cody arched an eyebrow at him. "Well?" 

Shit. "Why aren't I in a tank?" he asked. _Delay! Delay! Delay!_ his mind cried. 

"No, our questions first," Bail said, a stern look on his face. "How, and why, did Vader reach out to you?" 

Obi-Wan sunk deeper against his pillows. There was no way he could talk or deflect or angle his way out of this conversation. He glanced around, seeing the medbay had been emptied except for them, and sighed. "We still have a bond," he said slowly. "After he was Knighted, we turned the training bond into more of a pair bond so as to better utilize it during the war. None of this is unheard of, Quin did the same with Aayla and Tholme, several Jedi of other lineages did the same. It was supposed to help share the burden." 

"Doesn't seem to have helped," Bail said, then sighed. "My apologies." 

Obi-Wan grit his teeth, "The damage to An--to _him_ had been done long before, Bail. You asked and I am explaining." And hadn't that been a devastating conclusion to come to? His inexperience and negligence had given the Sith the in he had needed to turn such a bright and happy boy into the monster he was now. Rex and Cody exchanged a look but Obi-Wan ignored it, just like he ignored Bail's hands of surrender. He needed to keep going, to keep talking. They wanted to know, well then fine. They would know it all and on their own heads be it. 

"At some point, the bond started to deteriorate," he said. "It still functioned, but it wasn't...right." So much he had turned a blind eye to, so much he had pushed to the side because there was so much else going on. All because Palpatine wanted it to be that way. "Ahsoka leaving, the Sieges, his appointment to the Council… Hindsight is a wonderful thing. You can see so clearly every instance where you went wrong." He looked down at the blanket covering his lap and cleared his throat. "After the Temple fell, and we knew it was, it was Vader who had lead the attack, I went to Padme. The bond was more or less nonfunctional at that point but Padme--" _sweet, beautiful, strong Padme who never deserved any of this_ "--still had a connection to him. So I let her lead me to him." 

"Ben," Bail said gently. "You saved her life." 

"No," Obi-Wan corrected with a snort. "She was almost getting through to him. Maybe. It could have gone either way. The problem was the things he was saying? She started to reject them, to reject him." His fists clenched in the blanket and he made himself let go. "I was out of sight, I thought, enough to be able to intervene if he went too far--but he saw me and attacked her. That is, unfortunately, a very large reason why she died." 

"You can't know that," Rex said, trying to play devil's advocate. Sweet but pointless. 

Obi-Wan's lips tightened as he smiled. "He made some interesting accusations about the two of us," he said. "It...doesn't matter. We fought. I thought he had died--" _left him there to burn to death as he screamed such horrible screams_ "--and then Vader reappeared on the scene in that suit. Palpatine must have gotten to, to...well. I only have conjecture now as to how Vader fully came into being." 

"So he reached out to you to, what, try to finish your fight?" Bail asked. 

Obi-Wan looked up, startled. "No," he said. "You have to understand something about him, whether as a Jedi or a Sith, he has issues with attachment." Slowly, carefully, no sense alarming anyone after all. "He doesn't understand that love can be selfless, that sometimes you have to let someone go for them to be happy, and that having that person be happy is sometimes all the reward you want in life. Vader wants to possess those he loves. He offered to kill Palpatine and make Padme Empress, and she rejected him for it. Me? He just wants me with him, like I've always been. If he can't have Padme with him, I suppose I'll do the job." 

"That is so kriffed up," Cody said with a sigh. He leaned against the bed, close enough to touch, if only Obi-Wan could make himself reach out. 

"Yes, well," Obi-Wan said, finally looking at them. "This is why we've hidden the children, why I will not be a part of the Rebellion, why I can't--" 

"I'm hearing lots of can't and won't," Bail said. "Who exactly broke whom?" 

Obi-Wan scowled. "If I am anywhere near the--" 

"Luke," Bail said with a narrowed look. Oh, not this fight again. "You're a target and the plan was to have you stay near him. Somehow that doesn't seem very smart." 

"And like I've said before, having you keep both twins is a horrible idea," Obi-Wan snapped. "By themselves they are powerful in the Force, together they would be an unignorable flare that would bring the Empire down upon you and _them_." 

"You and Master Yoda both put blocks on them," Bail continued. "Stay close and--" 

"Have you not heard a word I've said?" Obi-Wan demanded, struggling to sit up or get out of the bed, or anything. Cody grabbed his shoulder and kept him in the bed. 

"Is Ahsoka safe?" Rex interrupted, a blank look on his face. 

"What?" Obi-Wan asked, frowning. 

"Ahsoka," Rex repeated patiently. "Is she safe from Vader and the bond and--" 

"Their bond was formally dissolved by the Council before she left," Obi-Wan interrupted. "And as much as he loved her? She is not a primary target in his mind. Maybe a secondary. If we want to talk secondary targets, we would have a much longer list." She would become a primary target if Anakin ever learned the truth of the matter, but that wasn't something worth mentioning just yet. 

"Could you put it together?" Bail asked. 

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes. "I don't know," he said, "can you put together a list of every single 501st clone that is no longer with the Empire but is still alive?" 

Rex winced. "You mean me," he said. 

"Of course I do," Obi-Wan said with a grim smile. "And he wouldn't be happy until he had you exactly as he wanted you--mindlessly devoted to him and only him. Oh, he'd be sad you weren't 'Rex' any more, but it wouldn't change the fact that he still had _you_ with him." 

Rex got up and left the room, a disturbed look on his face. 

" _C'yare_ ," Cody said softly. "That was uncalled for." 

"Demanding I talk about things I don't want to is uncalled for," Obi-Wan shot back. "You three opened this door, it's not my fault you don't like what's behind it." 

Cody ran a hand through his hair and glanced at the door Rex had gone through. Bail looked like he had bitten something sour. Obi-Wan slumped against the pillows and fiddled with the line going into his arm. He could try taking it out--Cody's hand took his and pulled it away from picking at the tape. 

"No," Cody said gently. "It's giving you nutrients and IV bacta since we figured putting you back in the tank meant Vader would try to get another bead on you." 

Obi-Wan looked at their clasped hands and then sighed. "Go find Rex," he said. He could be selfless still, apparently, and think of what was better for the other people in his life. Maybe, even, he could still be a Jedi in this new and dark age. Whatever being a 'Jedi' meant anymore. "Make sure he's okay." 

Cody looked at him, eyes searching, but nodded after a few moments. He gave Obi-Wan's hand a squeeze and left. Then it was just him and Bail. 

"Get some rest," Bail said after a moment as he got to his feet. "We have to figure out what we're going to do now." 

"Nothing," Obi-Wan said. "This changes nothing." 

Bail arched an eyebrow. "I can't decide if this attitude of yours is because you've been fighting so long and you know nothing else, or simply because you are so stubborn you refuse to see the facts in front of your face. Things _must_ change, Obi-Wan. If we do not change, we are doomed to fail." 

"So change--" 

"I am starting with you," Bail said, speaking over him. "My friend. A man who has given me and Breha a chance to be parents, even if it is the very worst of situations. A man who has been through so much he no longer understands what kindness is when it is directed at himself. A Jedi, one of the last, and someone who should know better." 

Obi-Wan felt his face flush with shame and looked away. Damn Bail Prestor Organa to the nine hells. 

= 

Cody caught up with Rex two hallways down from the medbay and grabbed his elbow. "Rex," he said, stopping the other clone. 

"You know, when you said we were going to need to put the General back together I didn't take you seriously," Rex said without turning around. "We should keep Wolffe away from him." 

Cody turned Rex around and brought their heads together to rest forehead to forehead. "It's going to be okay. Ahsoka is okay because you saved her. We'll keep her that way. We, your brothers, will make sure Vader doesn't touch either of you." 

"You can't--" Rex started. 

Cody pulled back to give Rex his best "I'm your older brother, don't mess with me" look. He couldn't pull rank anymore, or tell him that doubting his Commanding Officer truly hurt, since the Grand Army of the Republic was long gone by this point. Still, Cody would be damned to whatever hell the Force saw fit if he let Rex think for an instant there was a possibility of ending up with Vader. Cody knew Vader, had seen what he turned into, and it chilled him something fierce to think Vader could still reach out and touch his General--but his brother? No. That needed to be resolved immediately. Rex wasn't usually given to fear, being one of the steadier clones Cody had ever known, but there was always something out there that spooked even the steadfast. 

"Cody, you can't promise that," Rex said softly, his shoulders slumping. 

"I would put a blaster to your head before I let Vader touch you," Cody said flatly. "I would kill every single _vod_ here, I would kill my General, before I let Vader touch any of us. Leia? The Organas? I would do it. None of you understand what he's become, not even my General." He would gleefully murder everyone here before he let Vader so much as think about touching them. No one would ever have to go through what he had ever again, especially since he knew it would only be worse for the people Vader _actually_ wanted. Before he had just had Cody, CC-2224, a reminder. If he got what he wanted, who knew what explosion was awaiting them all? 

"He knows enough that--" 

"They fought," Cody said quietly, steering Rex to one of the window seats. He made them both sit and went for broke. "He left that out. They fought and he's the reason Skywalker is in that suit. It's a life support suit, Rex. Do you understand what that means?" He had known it was medical from the moment he had seen it but his mind was still ticking over the ways of it like an idling engine. Obi-Wan confessing to using _mou kei_ and then leaving him to burn alive was probably the majority of the suit, but there could be other issues. Possible ways to sabotage the suit, to outright kill Vader if he needed such a thing to survive. 

Rex stared at him, horror beginning to dawn on his face. "They were like us," he said, leaning against the wall behind him. "Close as brothers." 

"You forget how much they argued and fought," Cody pointed out. 

"No worse than we fought with Wolffe, or Bly, or Bacara," Rex said. 

Cody shrugged; fair enough. Their batch had all been slated for command positions, all twelve of them, except for Rex. The moment he had been decanted with blond hair the Kaminoans stripped the CC from his numbers and started looking for ways to decommission him. Their batch hadn't let them, and Rex had kept his head down and pushed ahead to be a fantastic officer despite them. The CT in front of his numbers meant he would never rise to the upper echelons of the command structure, but he had survived and thrived. 

"What happened?" Rex asked after a moment. "You're the best at figuring out what Kenobi's not saying." 

Cody shifted on the plush cushion and looked out the window. He was good at knowing what his _c'yare_ wasn't saying, and what he really meant when he said something misleading. It was what had made him a good Commander for his General, even before they had gotten involved. Now it was easier to see how his General's mind worked. 

"My General probably didn't want to go after Vader," Cody said slowly. "Someone forced his hand. Strategy came into play--if he couldn't track Vader himself, the Senator was the only other option." 

Rex murmured the Remembrance for her softly as Cody went on. Cody hadn't been able to bring himself to say a Remembrance since Order 66 went live; he didn't want to think of everyone missing, or those still locked under their chip, or the lives he himself had taken while under orders from the chip. It was almost easier, this way, to not. 

"They went to a planet, the Senator confronted Vader while my General stayed on the ship until he kriffed up and drew attention to himself. Vader probably attacked the Senator at that point, otherwise my General would have tried to talk him down. You know how much he loves his words." Rex chuckled weakly and Cody closed his eyes. "They fought. At some point my General was given the choice to either dismember or decapitate and he went for dismember, because he couldn't kill Vader outright. I don't think he ever will be able to. That's not who he is." 

"Cody--" 

"Wherever they were, the planet must have been hot. Fire, lava, something like that, because my General said he 'left him there to burn'. He couldn't kill him outright but leaving him somewhere to suffer from his wounds where the planet itself would kill him?" Cody nodded, practically seeing the battle play out behind his closed eyes. He'd seen the two of them spar enough times to know how easily it could turn, how hard a battle it must have been. "Only it didn't end the way he wanted and now Vader is in a life support suit." 

"He should have made sure," Rex said quietly. 

Cody opened his eyes and looked at Rex. "You forgetting who General Kenobi is?" he asked. "He's beating himself up over that very thing right now." 

"There you two are," Boil said, coming down the hall with Gregor and Wolffe in tow. "We were going to look in on the General." 

Rex sighed, "That's a really bad idea right now." 

"Why?" Gregor asked, head tilted to the side. "He should be happy to see us? He was always happy to see us before." 

"After whatever that was last night, it'd be good to make sure he's okay," Boil added. 

Wolffe was quiet, hands in his pockets, a scowl on his face. 

Cody chewed on his bottom lip and shook his head. "Let him cool off a little first," he said. "Maybe around dinner--" 

"Of next year," Rex muttered. 

"--we can all go see him again," Cody said, ignoring Rex. His General wasn't in that much of a snit. It was hardly a snit at all. He was upset that he had to recount such an awful event and that they had pried; Cody would have been upset too. 

Boil's eyes narrowed but he nodded. "I heard a rumor from a little bird that we're all going on leave?" he asked instead, changing the subject as obviously as possibly. 

Cody slumped a little against the wall behind him. Had it only been yesterday that he and Bail had been talking about that? The plan still held, he supposed, only now it would included bacta infusions and a medic to keep an eye on his idiot General. "Yes," he said. "A break for us in constant child-wrangling and leave with some time to deal with the General. Time away from everyone for him to talk to us, or to someone else, about things. Bail is very big on making him talk about--" 

"Has he met the General?" Boil asked with a frown. "He doesn't like to talk about anything personal. He'll talk and talk and talk about anything except the personal stuff until his head falls off." 

Cody was quiet for a moment, wondering. Boil wasn't wrong, but they all might be able to get his Jedi to behave, with the right pressure. "Depending on the situation, I might even get him to say the _riduurok_ finally." 

Silence met this statement, although Rex snorted a laugh after a moment. 

"At least you're admitting it now," Wolffe said. At Cody's questioning look he gave a little shrug. "I caught you two in the hanger that one time, remember? Joint mission to...it doesn't matter." He smirked, all sharp edges, at Cody. "You had him shoved up against a wall near one of the maintenance docks. Looked like you were gonna kriff him right there." 

Cody blinked, startled. They hadn't run many joint ops with Wolffe and General Koon, and he certainly didn't remember...oh. Wait, no, he did. _Someone_ had scared the daylights out of him and yes, he'd been kissing Obi-Wan breathless but he'd also been in the process of finding blood all over his armor and Obi-Wan's tunics from an injury that had been ignored too long. Their night had ended with his Jedi in Sawbones's tender care while Cody stood nearby and kept going "I told you so" every time his Jedi tried to say something. His General had been good, for two weeks, about going to Sawbones for anything from a knick from a knife during dinner prep to actual battle wounds. Those four words were apparently magic in making his Jedi do things out of sheer spite. 

"Most of Ghost had figured it out," Boil added. "That you two were, well. Some had some nasty things to say but me, Crys, and Odd Ball kept most of them in line." He shrugged and sat down by Cody's and Rex's feet, dragging Wolffe down with him. Gregor went with an easy shrug, leaning against Rex's thigh. "When did the two of you get together anyway? Book's destroyed at this point but it's still important." 

"Book--" Cody started before he cut himself off with a sigh. Of course. His brothers were horrible gossips and gamblers, because why not. They would gamble with tasks around the cruisers, contraband, or favors owed to them. Sometimes, rarely, real credits were involved. It wasn't like they had ever gotten physical pay. "What did you all bet with?" he asked instead. 

"Contraband," Boil said with a grin. "Some of us still had those bottles of rum the General had 'forgotten about' for us. Others had some spice mixes, I think someone tossed in a caf mix they'd found on one of the campaigns." 

Cody sighed and Rex nudged him. Glancing at his brother, Cody found Rex smiling at him. "Tell us," Rex said. 

"Not much to tell," Cody said with a slow smile. "Idiot nearly got himself killed at Point Rain, we'd been dancing around each other in that way you do, and I decided I wasn't going to let an obvious second chance go to waste. Made sure the medics had cleared out before I told him how I felt." 

"You suck at telling stories," Gregor muttered. "What happened next? What'd he do?" 

Cody tried to stop smiling but found he couldn't. It was a good memory, after all. Not that his pesky _vod'e_ deserved the whole story. That was for him and for Obi-Wan. 

= 

Cody strode through the halls of the _Negotiator_ until he got to the medbay, bucket under his arm, as he tried very hard to keep a firm hold on both his temper and his fear. They had finally finished cleaning up Point Rain and securing the site and now he had a General to check on. 

A General who had almost died in a crash landing and then hid the fact he was suffering from several internal wounds and broken bones. No, his idiot General had hefted his lightsaber and stepped into battle with them, just as ready to die as the men around him. The few men of Ghost Company who had survived were already whispering about it, how their Jedi was willing to die with them as one of them. If the men weren't loyal before then they were now. 

None of that excused General Kenobi's actions, however, and Cody was going to make that perfectly clear. 

"Commander," Sawbones said quietly, looking up from a datapad. "Glad you're here, maybe you can talk some sense into him." 

Cody's eyes narrowed and Sawbones pointed toward a bed off to the side where _that idiot was getting dressed_. 

"General," Cody said as he stepped up to the bed. "What are you doing?" 

"Leaving," General Kenobi said without looking up. He was too busy adjusting a tunic to meet Cody's eyes. "Why?" 

"You were badly injured--" 

"Sawbones has given me bacta injections and I'm slathered in bandages," the General said. "I'm sure you haven't forgotten that this is--" 

"Stop concerning yourself about the war to worry about yourself," Cody snapped, taking the other's elbow and gently pushing him back onto the bed. Had his General been in good health he could never have pulled that off; this time his idiot Jedi swayed with the movement and sat on the bed with a huff. "We need you alive, sir. As honored as we all were that you were willing to fight to the last breath with all of us down there, you need to live." 

"I'm replaceable," General Kenobi said with a small shake of his head. 

"Not to me you're not," Cody said, hand tightening on the other man's arm. His General looked at him with wide eyes and Cody froze. He had not meant to say it that way, or out loud. "I mean… It's just that you're…" 

"Cody?" General Kenobi asked quietly. There was the tiniest flash of panic in those eyes but there was maybe something else, enough to maybe give Cody some hope. 

Kriff it, they'd come too close to dying today and he was not going to waste this chance. He glanced over his shoulder to see Sawbones had walked off to talk to another brother and pulled the curtain around this bed shut. He tried to calm himself before turning back to his General, _his_ Jedi, and gave him a small smile. 

"I don't know much aside from war and tactics, but I'm pretty sure I" _\--love--_ "like you far more than should be allowed. Before you say anything, it's barely against regs. You may be my CO but we both know that's a technicality. The Jedi--" 

"Cody," General Kenobi said, a tiny flush high on his cheekbones. He held out a hand and Cody took it, sitting when he was tugged on. "I value you more than you could know." That sounded an awful lot like the beginning of a rejection and Cody mentally dug in his heels. "Are you sure that you feel that way about me, or is--" 

"Please don't insult me, sir," Cody said with a glare. 

General Kenobi's flush deepened and he nodded, his free hand--the one Cody wasn't still holding--came up to cup his mouth and chin. He looked like he was thinking and so Cody sat there, holding the other's hand and letting himself examine the long, fine fingers which were much more suited toward the lightsaber and his other blades than the blaster, but Cody had also seen him practice his hand-to-hand. He was fast and knew how to use his hands, and body, to do the most amount of damage he physically could. It really wasn't any surprise Cody had fallen for him, only a surprise that more brothers hadn't. 

"I have a feeling you have an argument ready for any protest I might make," General Kenobi said finally. 

"All but one," Cody said and then cleared his throat. "Do you like me too, sir?" Kriff, he felt like a karking Shiny. Select yes or no on the datapad if you like me back. 

General Kenobi blinked at him, once more clearly startled. "I thought that was rather obvious?" he said slowly. "Isn't that why…?" 

"No," Cody said. "We both almost died out there and I figured why waste a second chance when I might not get a third." 

"I see," his General murmured softly. "Well, to put us both on an even playing field--I rather like you far more than I should either. What should we do about it?" 

Cody opened his mouth, and then closed it. He hadn't thought that far ahead. He honestly hadn't thought his affections would be returned. Now that they were he had to figure out what he wanted to say, or do, and his mind started to whirl with possibilities. 

Which is when Sawbones predictably drew back the curtain with a confused look just as General Kenobi pulled his hand away from Cody's. "Why was the curtain drawn?" he asked suspiciously. 

The General stood with a smile. "You know our Commander, Sawbones, it wouldn't be right to chew me out where just anyone could see," he said. 

Sawbones's eyes narrowed. "So you're staying?" 

"Certainly not!" General Kenobi said with a broad smile. "I am, however, going to take your advice and rest back in my room. The bacta works best when a patient is unconscious so I will do my best to render myself so and let it do its job. We have to have boots back on the ground tomorrow to finish the--" 

"I'll take him back to his room and keep an eye on him," Cody interjected before Sawbones could have a coronary of his own. 

"An excellent idea," General Kenobi said, his eyes sliding over to Cody's with a definite mischievous look. "Tea and reports?" 

"Sleep," Cody said, standing and taking his General's elbow. Was the General planning something? "No tea, no reports. You let us worry about those things." 

"I can't stop you from going back in the field," Sawbones said, though that was a seriously disapproving look he sent General Kenobi. "Commander, please see to it that he gets some rest?" 

Cody fought his smile down and gave Sawbones a lazy salute. "Of course, Major," he said. He directed his General out of the medbay with gentle touches and glowers at anyone else who approached them. By the time they had gotten to the General's cabin, Cody was grumpy and his Jedi was snickering softly. 

He let go of his General long enough for the other to open the door to his quarters before he himself was yanked in. His General was smiling, a different smile from normal, and Cody pulled him in close. His Jedi was like a sun, so bright and so willing to let those who orbited him drift close. 

"You should rest, sir," Cody said, even as he held his General close. 

"Some rules, I think," his General said as he pulled away with a nod. "No rank once we're alone. It's been--Force, it's been a few years since the last time I was involved with anyone and I'd rather this time be just us. Not a Jedi and a clone, or a General and a Commander." He sat on the bed and started taking off his boots. "It would be nice, for a change, to be just Obi-Wan and just Cody, don't you think?" 

Cody hit the lock for the door since he was going to be staying and started taking off his armor. They could talk while his Gen--while _Obi-Wan_ was laying down. He kind of liked the idea of just sleeping with his Jedi, holding him, and being able to relax because they both were safe. "I can work with that," he said. 

His Ge--Obi-Wan nodded with a small smile as he started to take off the layers of tunics. It was quiet, both of them getting comfortable enough to lay down on the narrow bed bolted to the floor instead of the wall. Cody was vastly amused--and always had been--that his Obi-Wan had a bed piled with blankets and pillows but the man almost never slept. Once he was down to his blacks he sat on the bed and investigated the blankets. There was a warm looking blanket done in bright shades of blue and green with purple tossed in at random; it was also incredibly soft. 

"My Master knew how to knit," his Ge-- _his_ Obi-Wan said quietly. "That monstrosity on the bed is one of the last ones he knitted for me. He found this amazingly soft yarn and worked on it for a year before tossing it over my head in the middle of an argument. He won that one only because I was too distracted." 

Cody looked up as the other finally sat down next to him. He'd changed into looser clothes, a long-sleeved shirt much too big for him and loose half-pants Cody had previously seen him use in the training rooms. It was a good look for him, made the Jedi look softer and more approachable. 

"C'mon," Cody said, scooting back until his back hit the wall. "We can both fit in here." 

Obi-Wan's eyebrow arched but he helped move the blankets aside so they could both scoot under them after a distracted flick of the fingers to turn the lights off. Cody felt a tiny thrill go through him as he manhandled his Jedi into the easiest position for both of them on the narrow bed--Obi-Wan half draped over him and their legs twined together. "I feel as if there's something I should know about how easy it was for you to manage this," his Jedi murmured even if Cody could feel his smile against the skin of his neck. 

"Comforting upset brothers after a bad battle," Cody said, turning his head to nuzzle the other's hair.. "Rex kicks in his sleep, though, so one of us usually ends up on the floor in the middle of the night." 

"Ahh," Obi-Wan said, his hand sliding hesitantly over Cody's chest. "A professional guarder of dreams. Does your work never end?" 

"It did when I locked that door," Cody said. 

Obi-Wan was quiet for a moment before he stretched his legs and back slightly and resettled. "I'm bad at this," he said. "At relationships, at knowing what someone else expects from me in these situations." 

"I don't expect anything," Cody said, kissing the head under his chin without hesitation. There was a pause and then Obi-Wan nodded, pressing closer. Cody frowned, trying to think as he slowly ran his fingers up and down Obi-Wan's back--along his spine, sweeping just up enough to touch the wing of a shoulder blade, and then back down again to the tiny dip above--no, leave those thoughts for later. "I didn't even expect you to like me back so we're already a few steps past how I thought this was going to go. This is one of those few times when you have more experience than me in something important--" 

"Not that much experience," Obi-Wan said around a yawn. "Sex, sure, relationships, not really." 

Cody grinned and kept his fingers moving gently. Who knew such a silly motion would be the thing to soothe his Jedi off to sleep? "More experience than me," he repeated. "I'm perfectly happy to figure this all out as we go." 

Obi-Wan shifted, moving his head to press a kiss to the edge of Cody's jaw. "I think that's doable," he said, tucking his head back under Cody's chin. "We'll figure the rest out as it comes," he murmured, already sounding so close to sleep. "Be nice, not to be alone anymore." 

Cody wanted to pull him close, crush him in a hug, swear he'd never be alone again--but today had already proven how perilous their lives were. Instead, he closed his eyes and continued trailing his fingers over his General's back. He had confessed a deep secret and had it returned, and now they were both agreed they would figure it out together. He didn't think he could ever want more than this moment right here for the rest of his life. 

He fell asleep holding his Jedi with a smile on his face. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the shorter update, it just kind of worked out this way. am working on the next bit now...ish.

"Great, so you confessed, he confessed, Sawbones was Sawbones, and you went back to his and slept," Boil said with a huff. "This is why we never let you tell stories, sir, you suck at them." 

Cody smirked. "A lot of what happened is none of your business, boys, so you'll take what you get and like it." 

Rex nudged Gregor off his leg and stood. "It's late, brothers, we should get some rest before we have to be up." 

Cody nodded, rubbing his hand over Boil's head. "Sleep will be good for everyone. Maybe by lunch the General will be in a better mood and we can visit him." Wolffe snorted and Cody sighed. "Everyone but Wolffe can visit him." 

Cody was quiet as they all made their way back to the hallway where their rooms were. He gave his brothers a tired wave before entering his room and getting ready for sleep. It had been such a long day. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep for the next two tens. He couldn't, though, because he had a crazy General to put together, his own head to figure out, and two little girls to protect. 

It didn't seem like much when one thought about it like that. 

He stripped off his clothes, leaving his briefs on, and crawled into bed. He was going to sleep and hopefully dream of better times and things. At some point, he wasn't sure how much later, he felt the bed dip. He hummed, half-awake, and cracked an eye open. Then he opened both eyes and sat up. 

" _C'yare_ , go back to the--" 

"Shut up and lay back down," Obi-Wan said, crawling over him to smoosh himself into the area between the wall and Cody. "I hate the medbay, you know I hate the medbay, so fuck the medbay. I want to sleep with you. It's--" a yawn and Cody laid back down, turning to pull his idiot Jedi close "--lonely and you're warm so shut up and let's both get some sleep." 

Cody tucked Obi-Wan against his body and closed his eyes. "You have issues," he said, words muffled against Obi-Wan's shoulder. 

His Jedi squirmed until Cody loosened his grip. "I am tired of sleeping alone," he said. "Don't make me sleep alone." 

Cody nuzzled Obi-Wan's hair, ignoring the long strands sticking to his face, and hummed softly. "Shut up and go to sleep," he said mockingly as he kept his Jedi close. 

Obi-Wan curled close and Cody fell asleep with his nose full of hair. 

= 

Cody woke up to the feel of a warm body pressed against his but without the tell-tale sound and feel of sublight engines reverberating through the deck or walls. The silence bugged him but he ignored it in favor of rolling over to pin the body next to him to the bed. There was a sleepy murmur and the feel of nails scratching haphazardly against his scalp and Cody smiled. He didn't even have to open his eyes as he let his hands wander down the other's chest to his hips. 

"Cody," Obi-Wan sighed, arching against him. 

"M'rning," he mumbled as he found Obi-Wan's face by nuzzling at him blindly. His Jedi laughed softly, hands sliding down to Cody's shoulders, as his lips found Obi-Wan's. He didn't know how much time they had before shift began but he wanted to savor the time they had. Soon enough they'd be pulled in different directions, only to be thrown back together again, and have to make sure to stay as professional as possible. Skywalker was always watching, as was General Yoda, and Cody would rather they see nothing of importance. 

He valued this, and his Obi-Wan, far too much to risk. 

Early morning kisses when they had no immediate, pressing need to be anywhere else except tangled in each other were perfect. 

Which was, of course, why his door swished open and Rex shouted "Found him! They're having sex!" 

Cody pulled away to sit up, grabbing his pillow and throwing it at his brother. "If that's what you think sex is, you seriously need to get laid," he growled. 

Rex caught the pillow and tossed it onto the bed. "Morning, _vod_. Morning, General." 

A beat and then: "Just Obi-Wan, or Ben, if you'd please." 

Cody glanced at the form of his _c'yare_ curled up under the covers, looking for all the galaxy like he was hiding. He had tensed up at Rex's intrusion and hidden--not that there was any need to hide. It was just Rex. They were on Alderaan, Cody had four brothers nearby and his Jedi was safe, the Empire still churned away, and his Jedi had snuck out of the medbay last night. 

"Aw, kriff," Cody groaned, flopping back on the mattress and wishing his pillow was under his head. "How long have you been looking for the runaway patient?" 

"Couple hours," Rex said, coming in to sit on the edge of the bed. "Medic called Bail who did his own short hunt before he called the rest of us in. We let you sleep because you'd probably have worried and snarled and been a pain in the--" 

"Really?" Cody huffed. "You want to--" 

"Would it be too much to ask that I _don't_ go back to the medbay?" Obi-Wan interrupted them, his tone plaintive, his hand tight on the blankets. "Bail's med droid already partially cleared me and the bacta already did a good deal of work on repairing the damage." 

Cody kicked at Rex to stand up. "We'll go for a checkup later because as much as I love you you have a tendency of exaggerating every medic's opinion on your good health. In the meantime, Rex will go tell everyone where you are while we get some more sleep." 

"Sure you two aren't…?" Rex asked, a sly look on his face. 

"He was just in medical," Cody said firmly, looking at Obi-Wan with a narrowed look. They'd tried that, exactly once, and it had gone horribly wrong. Cody refused to touch his idiot Jedi with more than kisses and soft touches until a medic cleared him for strenuous activity. They had argued, after that one time, that if a medic cleared Obi-Wan for training and 'saber work then sex was on the table. If he wasn't, they behaved. Sex between them got a little intense, sometimes, and Cody had no desire to put Obi-Wan back in medical. Or find himself wearing his General's blood, again. 

Obi-Wan sighed and curled closer to Cody, hiding his face against his bicep. There was definitely a mutter of some sort but Cody didn't try to catch it. 

"Mmhm, you two get some more 'rest' and I'll keep the curious at bay," Rex said with a wicked look in their direction. " _Sleep_ well!" 

"I don't think I ever realized how obnoxious he can be," Obi-Wan said quietly once the door had shushed closed. 

"This is a low setting," Cody said, sitting up to grab his pillow and displacing Obi-Wan for a moment. "Wait until he decides he really wants to be a pest." He gathered his Jedi in his arms and kissed Obi-Wan's temple. "What's the real reason you don't want to be in the medbay?" 

"Last time I was in one Padme died," Obi-Wan said softly, his hand running along the line of Cody's collarbone. "The twins were born and she died because they couldn't, I couldn't help her. She died holding one of my hands while I held Luke in the other. I can't, please don't make me." 

Cody held him, mind whirling. "As long as the medic says it's fine, you can stay here. I'm not putting your health at risk, so don't argue with me." A huff against his chest had Cody smiling. "If they say you need to be in medbay, I'll stay with you, all right?" 

"That's acceptable," Obi-Wan said after a moment. 

"Good, 'cause it's all you're getting in terms of compromise," Cody said. He hesitated for a moment before sighing. "All that crap yesterday, about Vader and--" 

"What about it?" Obi-Wan asked, tensing against him. 

"You need to talk to someone about it," Cody said. He had already been maneuvered into seeing he needed to talk to someone himself--and he hadn't decided who that was going to be, yet--but if he needed it, so did Obi-Wan. 

"Oh, really?" Obi-Wan asked, sliding over him so he was laying on top of Cody, their legs still a tangled mess, bringing his face in close so they were practically nose to nose. "I _need_ to?" 

"And not just what happened once the Republic fell," Cody said, wrapping an arm around Obi-Wan to hold him against him. It felt good, after so long apart, to have the weight of the other on him. "The reason why you started drinking--" 

Obi-Wan stiffened and tried to pull away but Cody had him too well trapped. "Let go." 

"I know why you started drinking," Cody said, "do you?" 

Obi-Wan stilled. "Yes," he said. 

"Tell me," Cody said, tilting his face to kiss Obi-Wan for the first time in four years. It was brief, dry, and so painfully sweet Cody felt his chest ache from it. Obi-Wan sighed into the kiss and, before it could get out of hand, Cody nuzzled his rough, unshaven cheek. "Obi, why did you drink that first time?" 

"I wanted to forget," Obi-Wan whispered. "Forget my failures. I couldn't sleep. All I could see were, I just saw… I needed it to stop." 

"It hasn't stopped, has it?" Cody asked, rolling them both to the side so he could hold his Jedi properly. "None of it has." 

Obi-Wan was avoiding his eyes but Cody could read the panic crossing his face and etched into the way he held himself. Even here in bed where he should know it was safe. 

"Just think about it," Cody said after a moment, brushing the longer hair out of Obi-Wan's face. "Think about talking to someone. I know I have to." At the look of confusion Cody leaned in and kissed him. "I'll explain later." Telling his Jedi of his time with the Empire was not something for now. 

Obi-Wan's hands came up to cup his face, eyes searching, before he nodded and kissed Cody gently. It wasn't the best kiss they'd ever had nor was it the worst. It was almost a kiss of rediscovery, both of them trying to find if they still fit together, if what they had before was strong enough to survive what they both had been through. He hoped it was. If what they had before had to give way for something new and better then that was all right by him, but something in him refused to even think about letting Obi-Wan go. 

That didn't mean he didn't understand what his _c'yare_ was trying to do when he shifted their bodies, the kiss changing from gentle to harsh with need. Cody growled lightly, grabbing the suddenly wandering hands, and pinned them above his troublesome Jedi's head to the bed. Obi-Wan had a flush high in his cheeks, his hair in his eyes and spread around him on the pillow, and looked positively edible. Cody would not let himself surrender to such a picture, as tempting as it might be. 

He leaned down and kissed his Jedi, his extremely willful Jedi who tried to turn his brain off and to think with his cock instead, but Cody knew his tricks. "Medic," Cody murmured against Obi-Wan's lips. 

Obi-Wan bit his lip in a decidedly un-sexy manner and glared at him. "I'm fine," he said, trying to tug his wrists free. 

"You were supposed to be in a bacta tank for three days, Ob'ika," Cody said, licking his abused lip before he leaned down and nuzzled against that lovely throat. It was lacking a few marks that Cody intended to put back soon. "The rules haven't changed." 

Obi-Wan huffed and squirmed in an effort to get away, even if it made Cody very aware that he would have to spend some alone time in a locked 'fresher soon. "Yes, well, I figured since I wasn't bleeding and was perfectly fine--" 

"Neither of us are 'perfectly fine'," Cody interrupted, rolling to the side and--using his hold on Obi-Wan's wrists--dragging his Jedi with him. "I'll make a deal with you, though. If you come with me to the medic and get checked out, I will gladly drag you back to bed." Not immediately, but he would drag Obi-Wan to bed and show him just how pleased he was to have him back. 

Obi-Wan watched him for a moment before claiming another spine-sizzling kiss. "Medic," he said, "and then bed." 

"Sure," Cody said. There were plenty of things that would happen between those two events but his Jedi didn't need to know that. He let go of his Jedi's wrists and gave him a little nudge. "You can use the 'fresher first if you want." 

Obi-Wan slid out of bed and stalked to the small 'fresher unit without a glance back. Cody grinned, knowing he was in for some torture himself. His Obi-Wan would make sure Cody could hear him 'releasing the tension' and Cody didn't mind in the slightest. He would happily jack off to the sounds of his Jedi lost in the haze of pleasure, even if he was being more vocal simply to get a _rise_ out of Cody. He had no problem taking care of himself before Obi-Wan came back into the room. 

Who knew, after everything that Cody had planned for the day, he might not be taking part in his Jedi's pleasure for a few nights out of sheer spite. Not that it wouldn't be worth it. 

= 

Obi-Wan tried to be patient as the medic looked him over while Cody stood nearby but he was getting antsy. He could feel the Force and it energized him, made him want to do so many things, to reconnect to his body like he hadn't in years. He didn't feel amazing--still run down to a degree, but he didn't remember a time when he wasn't feeling slightly off--but he felt better. It was most likely a side-effect of the direct bacta infusions but he would take it. 

"Your heart's evened out," the medic said after a moment of consulting her datapad. "Liver seems to be heading in the right direction as well. You still need a week of solid meals and you can't skimp on the liquids or I will put you back on a nutrition drip. Your stomach lining will probably take a little more time to finish repairing itself so stick to bland foods. You didn't have a lot of nerve damage but what damage you did do will take time to heal, even with bacta." 

Obi-Wan rubbed the tingling tips of his fingers against his leg. "How many infusions do you think would help?" he asked. 

"Three, maybe four," the medic said with a shrug. "Nerve damage is hard to quantify, always has been. We can arrange for more infusions later, right now I have other things to attend to." 

Worked for him, he had a--well, they had never really quantified what they were to each other, had they? But he was going to drag Cody back to that room and acquaint himself with his Commander's body in person. He rose from the chair and walked over to Cody's side with a smile. 

"Excellent," Cody said, tossing an arm over his shoulders and pulling him in closer. "Now we can go get breakfast." Unless breakfast was Cody, Obi-Wan had no interest in it. His Commander must have realized that because he started to grin. " _C'yare_ , the medic just said you needed to eat. I'm going to make sure you eat." 

"I'd rather eat you," Obi-Wan muttered as Cody steered him toward the dining hall. 

"I'm not the nutrition you need," Cody said, though Obi-Wan could hear the barely restrained laughter. 

"I'm sure someone has done a study on how--" 

"Please don't finish that sentence," Cody said, giving into the laughter. He pressed a kiss to Obi-Wan's cheek and kept _dragging him_ down a hallway. "I have you back in my life and I'm going to make sure you're here for a very long time, which means taking care of you since you refuse to do it yourself." 

"I did have a very long stretch of years without you in my life where I functioned perfectly fine," Obi-Wan pointed out. 

"Did you?" Cody asked. "Did you really?" 

Obi-Wan huffed and elbowed his way away from his Commander. He stabbed a finger at Cody's chest, trying not to grin himself, and did his best to scowl. "I will have you know that I not only looked after myself _but also_ looked after my Master _and_ a Padawan before you lot showed up." 

"I'm still shocked you survived long enough for us to take over," Cody said, though his lips were twitching. "I'm pretty sure Kix and Sawbones were conspiring on how to sit on you and make you either eat something more substantial than rations and drink something other than tea--" 

"You leave my tea alone!" Obi-Wan gasped, mock offended. 

"I'm pretty sure you have tea for blood," Cody said seriously. 

Obi-Wan paused, "You're probably not wrong. There is a wonderful red leaf tea that I used to drink a lot of when I was younger. That's probably the majority of my blood at this point--right color." 

"That's not how blood works," Cody said, failing to hold back his smile. 

"How would you know?" Obi-Wan asked, arching an eyebrow. "You're not a medic." 

Cody reached out and pulled Obi-Wan in close and kissed him. "I know," he said. 

Obi-Wan sighed and gave in. "Fine, food. But afterwards!" Cody smiled and kissed him again, nudging him forward again. Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes and started forward again. It wasn't an agreement or anything even resembling what Obi-Wan wanted out of the other but he went to the dining room with Cody. Food wasn't a horrible idea, even if he wouldn't admit it. He was almost hungry. 

The dining room was mostly empty--just a little girl sitting on Gregor's lap and talking happily to him and Rex. The little girl was clearly Leia, looking so much like Padme it stopped his heart and his feet. How did Bail explain it away? No, clearly that child was not Padme Amidala's daughter, what was wrong with you? That is the child of someone else that we have adopted. Obi-Wan pressed his hand to his face and let himself worry, badly, for a moment, how they could hope to pull this off when Alderaan was such a prominent member of the Rep...the Empire. 

Eventually the Emperor would want to see Leia, which means Vader would see her. They could hide her Force abilities but they could hardly hide who she _looked_ like. Maybe as she got older the aspects of Anakin that were there would become stronger but Obi-Wan did not hold out much hope. Luke had looked almost exactly like Anakin the last time he had checked in on him with barely a trace of Padme, it made sense that his sister-- 

"We missed the majority of the bustle," Cody said quietly, a hand on the small of Obi-Wan's back. "Come, you need to eat." 

"I can't," Obi-Wan said, his appetite gone as he started to turn away only to be caught by Cody and pushed further into the room. 

"You are eating," Cody said, a firmness to his voice that rarely left the bedroom. "Leia won't bite and you should talk to the others. They've missed you and you scared Rex yesterday." 

"It's not like I meant to," Obi-Wan snapped as Cody pushed him forward. 

"No, but you can fix it," Cody said. 

"And how do I do that?" Obi-Wan asked as they walked toward the table. There were so many things vying for his attention and he wasn't sure where to start, or to stop, or if he should just give up and lay down in surrender. 

"By being you," Cody said gently. He pushed Obi-Wan into a chair next to Rex and sat down next to him, setting a plate in front of him but otherwise letting him decide what food he wanted to eat. Gregor and Leia were across the table and Cody nodded gravely at the little girl who instantly giggled at the action. 

"Nice to see you two awake," Rex said. 

"Had to make sure _someone_ had actually been cleared by the medic," Cody said. 

" _Someone_ can hear you," Obi-Wan said, giving up and putting fruit on his plate and some yogurt. He was looking for the honey when he heard a little girl's gasp and looked up. 

"You're the sad man!" Leia said, clapping. "I remember you! You were with Mama!" 

Obi-Wan stared at her, confused. What? Gregor was hushing her, though, and Rex had gone stiff. "The… You remember me?" he asked. 

Leia nodded, her dark curls bouncing around her tiny face. "Yes! Mama. I remember her. She was very sad too, and you were so sad, and there was a boy there too who had always been there too but he's not here now but he should be--" 

Obi-Wan stood up and walked out of the room, feeling ice trickle down his spine as he did. That was impossible. She had been a _baby_. They had just been _born_. There was no possible way she could remember him, memories didn't work that way! He didn't remember his parents! He didn't know a single Jedi who remembered their families, or the moments of their birth--but none of them were the supernovas in the Force that were the Skywalker children. 

He heard the tap-tap-tap of tiny feet running after him and froze as a small body collided with his legs. 

"Don't be sad!" Leia cried, hugging him tightly. "You're Cody's husband, right? You're not supposed to be sad when you're with people you love. You're supposed to be happy now!" 

Obi-Wan turned around and sat down on the floor so he was at eye-level with her and tried to smile. He could feel her in the Force, even past all the blocks that were supposed to be snuffing out her innate talent. She needed a teacher, or better blocks, one or the other. "Cody and I aren't married just yet," he said, saying the first thing that came to mind. 

"So?" she demanded with a stomp of her foot. Oh, she was going to be a right tyrant when she got older if they weren't careful. Headstrong, like both her parents. He reached out and brushed her hair out of her face. "You still love him, I can tell." 

"That's never been a question," Obi-Wan said, ignoring the others slipping into the hallway. 

"Then why are you still sad?" Leia demanded, grabbing his hand. "Love is supposed to be the most importantest thing in the galaxy. It can wake the dead and it can do all types of things! It can cure your sad." 

Obi-Wan tried to smile and found he couldn't. He wished love could do all the things she thought, but life wasn't a fairy tale. If it was then her mother would be alive and her father would still be a Jedi, the Temple would… All those… He felt his eyes burn and used his free hand to rub at his eyes. If only love was the answer. If only love could have outlasted hate. The Jedi would still exist and his family would still be alive, his mind wouldn't be crying out for those who should still be alive. 

A hand on his shoulder and he looked up at Cody, who looked worried. 

"Love is pretty important," he said slowly, looking back at Leia. He could do this. He had done this before for the initiates. He had even tried to do this for Anakin, and he had done this once before for Ahsoka, the brave girl who should have been his Padawan and had been treated so unfairly by the Galaxy. He didn't even know where she was, if she was alive, if she was safe. None of that mattered right now. He needed to focus on Leia. He could do this for Leia. "It's very powerful, one of the most powerful things in the galaxy, you're right. But, little one, sometimes it's not enough. Love can't stop death, as much as we'd like it to." 

"Is that why you're sad?" Leia asked, her head tilted to the side, those serious eyes trained on him. 

Obi-Wan nodded slowly. "A lot of my family died," he said, "and I loved them very much. It hurts because I couldn't stop it and because I couldn't bring their--I couldn't avenge their deaths." 

Leia's nose scrunched up at the unfamiliar words. "Someone hurt them?" she asked. 

Obi-Wan nodded again. "Yes," he said, a lump in his throat. "Someone they trusted." 

Leia darted in to hug him tightly and kissed his cheek. "Your first family might be gone but you can have a new one? I can be your family. Cody is your family. Rex and Gregor and Boil and Wolffe. Papa and Mommy too! And Winter! We can all be your family!" A pause and a shy smile. "And the boy who's not here that I dream of. He can be your family too." 

Obi-Wan stared at her. "I…" Bail was right. She and Luke needed to be together, didn't they? Especially if they were dreaming of each other. 

"Leia," Rex said gently, "it's time for lessons." 

"Okay," Leia said. She gave Obi-Wan's cheek another kiss and gave him a tight hug before darting off toward Rex, chirping happily about this or that. 

Cody knelt down next to Obi-Wan with a worried look. " _C'yare_?" 

Obi-Wan leaned into him, burying his face against Cody's neck. He didn't want to cry. He hadn't cried once since the Temple had burned, since Padme had died, since his world had come crashing down. He had been afraid that if he started he would never stop. But the dam was breaking. Leia had already started to break it and he could feel the burn and ache from the pressure against his eyes. 

"Cody," he whispered, his hands tight against the other's arms, feeling the first tear slip down his cheek. "They're all _gone_." 

Cody was quiet for a moment before he helped Obi-Wan to his feet and led him back to their room. He was the pillar of quiet support that Obi-Wan had always craved during the war when things got to be too much, but once the door was closed, Obi-Wan saw there were tears on Cody's face too. 

"Yes," Cody said softly as they sat on the bed. "They are." 

Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around his Commander as they both mourned their losses. Both their families had been devastated, clone and Jedi, and they continued to be persecuted by the Empire. They cried for the lives lost, for the names they could not say, for the ones they did not know, and the relief for knowing that at least they had each other. 

Grief. Pain. Loss. 

Poisons they could finally begin to drain from their hearts. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short one but important stuff happens--like talking! ==;; i will get back to longer chapters at some point. hopefully. oy.
> 
> no beta on most of this. Wrennette was lovely enough to look over some of it cuz I gots stuck but ehhh I'm living dangerously now?

Obi-Wan made a face at the comm unit--a good face, the type of face that you made at a friend, the type of face that you maybe made when you bit into something sour or that showed you were thinking of shoving something slimey and squirmy into someone's bed. Quin started laughing and Obi-Wan sighed, letting his face relax. Oh, well. Sometimes you just had to get over whatever irritation you had with your friends and actually talk to them. Even if the irritation _was_ your friend. 

"Hello Quin," he said, propping his chin up. "What can I do for you?" 

"You look good!" Quin said, leaning into the holotransmitter. "I mean, healthy looking and not corpse-like!" 

Obi-Wan squinted as he leaned back in his chair. "You do know that leads itself to the assumption that you like to fuck corpses," he said. "I don't know whether to be concerned, flattered, or repulsed, Quinlan. Should I contact Tholme and warn him--" 

"Kenobi, don't make me come down there--" 

"And do what?" Obi-Wan taunted with a grin. "Fail to drink me under the table? _Again_?" 

"I'll sic Garen on you," Quin said with a smirk. "We found him about a week ago." 

Obi-Wan found himself at a loss for words. Garen? Garen had _survived_? "Is...is he okay?" he asked faintly. He didn't even know who else aside from Yoda had survived for so long and then there was Quin, and Tholme, and Quin had a son, and now there was _Garen_ of all people. Who else would he be able to count among the living? What other friends might he be able to see, be able to hold, be able to possibly even beg forgiveness from? 

"He's alive," Quin said. "In some bad shape, nothing like you, but he'll be fine. Speaking of, how're you really doing? Organa wasn't too clear about that." 

"I'm okay," Obi-Wan said, still surprised to find he meant it. "Bail detoxed me and I've been doing bacta injections since they can't throw me in a tank." 

"Why not?" Quin asked with a frown. "He's got the access, a tank should be easy. I know the kind of damage you were doing to yourself, Obi, you need a tank." 

Obi-Wan glanced off to the side where Cody was stretched out on the truly ridiculously large bed and reading as he drank something warm, chocolate-y, and strongly alcoholic--Rex had discovered it and insisted the other clones try it as it had a nice spicy kick, and then they were all gone on them. Obi-Wan was, of course, banned from trying them. "Anakin tried to reach out to me through the bond," he said. "We decided it was too much of a risk for me to be fully sedated again." 

Quin was silent for a moment and then he sighed, his expression sagging with worry. "The brat always was possessive of you in the worst way," he said. "I'd say you should come here where we could protect you--" 

"Quinlan Vos!" 

"--but you wouldn't do that and you could put us all in danger," Quin said. He rubbed the back of his neck. "And I'd probably have to go through your Commander to get to you anyway." 

Obi-Wan felt himself flush. "Don't worry, I'll invite you to the wedding." 

"No, you won't," Cody chimed in. 

Obi-Wan turned, arching an eyebrow. "What, we can't invite Quin?" 

"We're not inviting anyone," Cody said, taking a sip of his drink. He hadn't even looked up from his datapad and whatever he was reading, which was mildly frustrating in that Obi-Wan rather liked having all of Cody's attention on him but he could no longer demand it unconditionally. "That day will be for us and only for us." 

"I'm missing something," Quin said plaintively. "Kenobi, what am I missing?" 

"So much," Obi-Wan said as he turned back to his friend. "I'm good, health-wise, that's really all you need to know. I'm being taken care of--" 

"I doubt your Commander would let you get away with anything else," Quin said. 

Obi-Wan paused and then scowled. "Did you know? When you dropped me off on Alderaan, did you know Cody was there?" 

"Well…" 

"Quinlan Vos, you answer me right this moment or I will tell Tholme all about that time in the Room of a Thousand Fountains and the bath bombs," Obi-Wan said, voice sharp. He watched his friend straighten on the other end of the comm, likely ready to argue that it had been Obi-Wan's plan and Siri's acquisition of the bombs in the first place, but Quinlan had been the one to actually execute the plan. "I have it on excellent authority, Quinlan, that Tholme would still be very interested in who the culprit is. They were still picking glitter out of one of the minor fountains the last time I was there." 

Cody was cackling behind him and Quin huffed angrily. "If I go down for that, Kenobi, I'm taking you with me," he threatened, pointing at him. 

"And who is Tholme going to believe?" Obi-Wan asked sweetly. 

"Both of us," Quinlan said immediately. "He knew the crap we got up to when we got bored." Damn him but Quinlan was right. "But yes, I did know. Which I why I took your ship with me when I left. I'm keeping it, by the way. It's a great smuggling craft. You can have the rest of your stuff but--" 

" _Quinlan_ ," Obi-Wan growled. 

"I figure it'll make a great gift to Garen!" Quinlan laughed. 

"You will never, ever change," Obi-Wan sighed. "May the Force have mercy on your child." 

Quin's face went soft. "He's great, you know. Korto. You have to keep your eye on him because he gets into trouble if you so much as blink but it's kind of great. Tholme and T'ra Saa are wonderful babysitters for him. They let me sleep." 

Obi-Wan wrinkled his nose. "The idea of Tholme babysitting hurts a little." 

"He babysat me," Quin chuckled. 

"No, he taught you," Obi-Wan corrected with a scowl, pointing at the comm. "There's a difference." 

"Not much of one," Quinlan said. There was some sort of static-y noise on Quin's end and then the other sighed. "I have to go, we're moving camp soon. Stay in touch, Obi, okay?" 

"I will," Obi-Wan said and the comm disconnected. He turned in his seat and glanced over at Cody. "So we're what, going to find a dark cave somewhere to say our vows and tell everyone at some point and let them yell at us?" 

"If we tell anyone," Cody said, eyes still on his datapad. 

Obi-Wan got up and settled onto the bed with Cody, pushing the datapad to the side. "And here I thought we had agreed there was no point in hiding things from anyone anymore. They all know we're involved and--" 

Cody pulled him against his chest and silenced him with a kiss. The chocolate was truly spicy and he could taste just the faintest hint of the alcohol Cody had been drinking. Not bad. "Can't you just accept that maybe I want to keep this between just us?" he asked. 

"Maybe if you explained your reasoning," Obi-Wan said, settling against him and reaching out to take his hand. "All you've said to me is 'no one else' and you've refused to even discuss the matter near your brothers. It's not unusual for me to want to know your reasoning." 

Cody was quiet for a moment and let Obi-Wan play with his fingers, not minding the restless fidgeting before his sighed and pressed a kiss to Obi-Wan's temple. "I'm a clone, _c'yare_ , you haven't forgotten that, have you?" 

"Of course not," Obi-Wan said with a frown. He wasn't sure where Cody was going with this but he wasn't sure he liked it. 

"My whole life I've never owned a single thing," Cody said. "Nothing has been truly mine. Either it's been the property of someone else or it's been shared with my brothers. Us being able to say vows together is special and shouldn't be some sort of spectacle for people to gawk at. It should be for us, however we want it. There can be some big fancy party afterward because I'm sure Rex and Boil would skin me if I tried to deny them that, but for the _riduurok_? Let it just be us, please." 

Obi-Wan stared at Cody, momentarily speechless. He had no idea the other felt so strongly about it but he supposed it made sense. During the Republic they had both led such very public lives that any private moment had been closely guarded, and Obi-Wan could see the Empire having been even worse to a clone. He didn't mind if Cody wanted things a certain way--this was _their_ day, whenever they had it. Obi-Wan didn't care what happened, honestly, so long as at the end of the day he had Cody and Cody had him. He knew what the _riduurok_ said--he and Cody would be one and it sent a thrill down his spine. He liked the way that sounded more than he cared to admit. 

Cody hesitated for a moment, "Obi?" 

"Whatever you want," Obi-Wan said with a smile. "If I can give it to you, I will." 

Cody tugged him close and kissed him gently. "We'll do it when we feel it's right and let them throw their ridiculous party when they want." 

Obi-Wan wrapped a hand around the back of Cody's neck and relaxed against him. "Read to me?" he asked, closing his eyes. 

"I think I can manage that," Cody murmured, reaching for the datapad and shifting into a better position for Obi-Wan to rest against him. After a moment, Cody began to read and Obi-Wan lost himself to the sound of Cody's voice and the feel of the rumble of his chest. 

= 

Obi-Wan woke to a large bed with a cloud of blankets and a warm body pressed against his. It was better than his dream, by far, but now his body was waking up and making demands and he wasn't sure how to deal with it. This was probably the longest he had gone without sex in years--not that it was a complaint or a problem, because he would much rather have Cody with him in any capacity than in none--but his body had gotten used to the constant relief. He wasn't about to slink off to the 'fresher and jack off because he had yet to see Cody need to deal with his own body in the same way, and for the Force's sake, he was a Jedi. He had better discipline than this. 

Had had. Maybe. Did he? 

He rolled his face over to press it into the pillow and groaned. 

Cody hummed softly in his sleep and pulled Obi-Wan back against him. All muscled and perfect and strong and Obi-Wan was not above knowing how much he wanted his Commander--at some point Obi-Wan needed to sit down and scrub his mind out of all those titles and associations and create new ones for all the people around him--to shove him down and take what he wanted. There had been so few times when he had seen Cody give in, and each time they had both utterly wrecked each other, and he ached to capture that again. 

"I can feel you thinking," Cody said, voice low and rough as he yawned against Obi-Wan's shoulder. 

"I miss you," Obi-Wan whispered, eyes squeezed shut. He hadn't meant to say that. It had just slipped out. He could feel Cody's morning erection but knew the other wouldn't _do_ anything with it and it frustrated him even more. 

"'m right here?" Cody said, confused and still sleepy sounding. 

Obi-Wan felt awful. This was not the time for this conversation. "It's nothing," he said finally. "Go back to sleep." 

Cody huffed and rolled him over so they were nose to nose. "Ob'ika," he chided, looking a hair more awake. 

Obi-Wan flushed and could feel the anxiety worming its way through him. He knew its flavor--he wasn't good enough. Cody would chose someone else and leave him. He was broken and flawed and how could Cody want him when there were so many other, better options out there? 

He'd felt it for years with Qui-Gon until his Master had sat him down, patiently, and explained what Yoda had done in chasing off other interested Masters and Knights because of Qui-Gon. It hadn't helped the anxiety at all because, in a way, it had validated that voice inside Obi-Wan's head: he really hadn't been wanted. But then Qui-Gon had pulled him into his lap and held him tight and told him that no matter how Yoda had schemed and connived, Qui-Gon was so happy to have Obi-Wan as his Padawan. They would never be able to get rid of Yoda because of what happened to Qui-Gon with his own training, but Qui-Gon would try to keep a certain pair of ears out of Obi-Wan's life. And it had been fine, wonderful even, for years...until Anakin came along and Obi-Wan had taken a step to the side in the Council Chambers, ducked his head, and wondered how many of those pretty words had been lies afterall. 

Cody wasn't one given toward elegant words, that was Obi-Wan's domain. He tended to say what he thought even when it meant people formed grudges against him. He was honest and Obi-Wan adored him for that. Honesty was so rare in his life. 

Maybe for the first time in forever Obi-Wan wished Cody knew how to be careful with his words, though. 

"What's wrong with me?" Obi-Wan asked quietly, turning his head to look away from Cody's face. He couldn't look at him for this. "You hold me and kiss me but you won't touch me." 

Cody's body was stiff over him for a moment before he let go, letting gravity smoosh his body against Obi-Wan's. He wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan as he protested at the sudden shock of _weight_ hitting his body. Cody nuzzled his throat, dropping little kisses along his collarbone and neck. "You utter moron," he said with a sigh. "I love you and think you're the sexiest being I've ever seen. If I could, I'd keep you in bed for a week straight and never let you leave. I don't think bodies work that way but I'd be damned happy to test the limits of Kaminoan engineering with you." 

" _Cody_ ," Obi-Wan breathed, horrified at the thought. Oh, Force. Engineering. Double-aging. He grabbed at the other man's face, pulling him in for a kiss but was thwarted. 

"Relax," Cody murmured, kissing the corner of his mouth and smiling. "One of the _vod_ figured out a cure of sorts for the double-aging process after 66 went live. The Alliance has the sequence for any clone who wants it. We've all taken it, just in case. I'm not going anywhere, and nice try derailing the conversation." 

Obi-Wan turned to kiss him fully, letting his hands slide into Cody's hair. "Then _why_?" 

Cody flushed slightly and looked a bit ashamed. "This is going to sound bad--" 

"It already feels awful," Obi-Wan said. 

"We fell into bed so fast before," Cody said, placing a careful kiss on Obi-Wan's forehead. "I don't regret it, no one knew what was going to happen the next day so you might as well grab what you can, but this isn't the war. We have the time to know each other outside of conflicts as people, which is what you always said you wanted." 

Obi-Wan sighed, closing his eyes and letting Cody roll them over so he could curl into his...he needed to come up with a different name for Cody. His lover, he supposed. His heart. Fuck, the words were so sweet. Cody was his better half. He could live with calling him that. "Talk to me?" he said out loud."I've been so worried I had done something." 

"First of all," Cody said, fingers trailing over Obi-Wan's arm and sounding irritated, "that first week you were cleared by medical was a joke. You still had, still have, to get bacta treatments and that's toeing the line when it comes to whether or not you're all right. So any time you pushed I had a valid reason for saying go to sleep and stop asking." 

Obi-Wan tucked his head under Cody's chin and hummed softly in agreement. He would give Cody that one. There were reasons for that stupid medical reasoning between them. Ignore one, tiny gut wound and think it's fine with a bandage and then suddenly, hours later, they're both covered in blood and Cody is dragging him to Sawbones with a terrified look on his face. Obi-Wan deserved that medical clause in their relationship, even if it exasperated him. 

"Then we got here," Cody said. "We've been kept busy." 

"Not that busy," Obi-Wan said quietly. He really didn't mean to come across as, as _desperate_ but he missed Cody, of the intimacy they had had, and the safety he had found in his better half's arms. 

"Busy enough," Cody said. "I should have mentioned what I was thinking but I didn't think it was that big of a deal." 

Obi-Wan blinked. Oh. "We haven't crossed signals that badly since...since…" He tried to think. Usually they were on the same mental wavelength, but the few times they weren't had usually been about battles and not personal matters. 

"That first week, _sir_ ," Cody murmured against Obi-Wan's ear, sending shivers down his spine. Oh, yes. That first week had been...well. Interesting, to say the least. 

"So...plans for the day?" Obi-Wan drawled. He wondered if he could convince Cody to stay in bed with him and, while not exactly the same plans one would normally have for a day spent in bed--he still wanted to be close. 

"I don't have any," Cody said with a chuckle, "but you do." 

"No, I don't," he said with a frown. What plans? He would remember something that would take up his time, wouldn't he? 

"You do," Cody said, kissing him quickly. "You're meeting whoever it is that Bail was making noise about being late to take over looking after the girls. Today is your day to talk about things." 

"Oh," Obi-Wan said, letting Cody tuck him in close. He had purposely forgotten that appointment. He was hoping to forget all such appointments. The only people he felt like talking to about this whole mess was either than man currently holding him or any of the other former Jedi involved in the mess. 

Cody seemed to understand and ran a hand over his arm. "You don't have to go," he said. "I won't make you. But sooner or later you'll need to talk to someone and I'd prefer sooner." 

"Are you talking to someone?" Obi-Wan demanded, wanting to pull away but also refusing to let go of this warmth. "You keep being so cagey with everything that happened to you, when everyone knows what--" 

"I'm talking to Bail," Cody interrupted, "when I'm not talking to Rex." 

Obi-Wan blinked at him. "Bail?" he asked. He hadn't seen that one coming. 

"In case anything I say is viable intelligence to the Alliance that I wouldn't think of," Cody said. He paused for a moment and sighed. "We've both been through hell, _c'yare_. You being on your own, me with the Empire." 

Obi-Wan was quiet, listening. How bad had it been? 

Cody looked at him and huffed. "You want to know." 

"Not all of it," Obi-Wan said slowly, carefully "But something, I suppose, would be more useful than nothing." 

Cody gave a tiny hum of agreement and was silent as Obi-Wan moved to lay his head on Cody's chest to better hear his heart. The Force was still odd around him--damage he had done to himself and something he would need to work on--but he also just enjoyed being physically close to Cody. There was something peaceful about lying in their bed and knowing that they wouldn't have to roll out for a new deployment at any moment. His mind was still, in a way, hard-wired for stress and panic and action. He had been taught to function as if this was normal since Bandomeer, before he was ever a Padawan, and it had stuck. It had kept him, and others, alive when the situations should have killed him. 

Cody began to speak and Obi-Wan froze before forcing himself to relax. He would listen, he would be supportive, and he would not interrupt. Even when the things Cody spoke of made him want to dash for the 'fresher. He laid there, grabbing at Cody's hand and holding onto his fingers tightly, as he listened and felt the rumble of Cody's voice in his chest with the steady thud-thud-thud of his heart. 

"There's more," Cody said after clearing his throat. "That's, uh, just an overview. Of sorts." 

"Are Bail and Rex helping?" Obi-Wan asked quietly, moving to press a kiss against Cody's jawline. 

"They are," Cody said. "I think Rex hates himself every time I talk to him because he got Wolffe out but not me. I think I was an accident, honestly, the Alliance hitting that ship when they did. If they hadn't tried to hijack it, and found me, I'd probably be on Kamino right now and still snarling about how useless birthborns are at fighting." 

"I'm glad they saved you," Obi-Wan said. He imagined Bail, once he knew the truth about the chips and Order 66, had sent orders out that any clone was to be captured if encountered. "I'm glad you survived them. You are the strongest man I know but breaking after everything you saw? There is no weakness in that." 

"I'm hardly broken," Cody protested. 

Obi-Wan curled closer, aware that if he tried to move any closer he'd need to crawl inside Cody's skin with him, and closed his eyes. "You're not, no. Dinged, not broken. Bent, maybe, like a strong tree that has weathered an awful storm." 

"And you?" Cody asked, pressing a kiss to Obi-Wan's hair. 

"I shattered," Obi-Wan said ruefully. He had enough distance, maybe, that he could admit to it with humor. "I couldn't weather the storm; worse, I didn't try." 

Cody chuckled softly, "You had been weathering too many storms for too long. There's no shame in breaking. Only in maybe not reaching for the life raft when someone throws it to you." 

"You think I should talk to this person?" Obi-Wan asked, resigned to giving up his comfortable bed and his warm _c'yare_. 

"I think," Cody said as he stretched out his back and legs, "that you should do whatever you feel comfortable with, kriff whatever Bail or the others say. The way I see it? The Jedi had as much right as us clones, in their own way. We were created for war but the Jedi were forced into it." Obi-Wan frowned at Cody, not sure he agreed or followed the line of thought. "You hated the war, you fought for us, but you were overruled everytime." 

Obi-Wan grimaced. He disagreed but he wasn't going to argue with Cody right now. Maybe later, when his head made sense, but right now he couldn't. He fought for the clones, yes, as he had fought for Ahsoka--and it had gotten him absolutely nowhere. The Jedi had rights, like any basic sentient, unlike the clones. True, the Order was bound by several layers of their own rules and then the rules the Senate imposed on them--but it was different. 

It was. 

He watched Cody settle against his pillow and curled up next to him, kissing his shoulder. "Would you come with me?" he asked. 

"Sure you're not using me as a shield against talking?" Cody asked, then yelped as Obi-Wan bit his shoulder. "Vicious," he said, an approving note in his voice; Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "I'll come with you but you have to actually talk." 

Obi-Wan bit Cody's shoulder again and then gave a startled cry as Cody pounced on him. Oh, well, if that's what biting got him he'd have to do it more often. 

= 

Wolffe was glad that, for a little while at least, they had some time away from the children. He didn't mind the girls, he rather liked them to be honest, but sometimes dealing that much energy was draining. Sometimes it was nice to get away and relax, in silence and solitude, and just be. He was glad Cody was with them, and that Kenobi had been forced to take care of himself, but dealing with all that good cheer was going to give him hives if he stayed around his oh-so-happy brothers. 

_Do you begrudge your brother love_? his Buir asked as he appeared next to Wolffe, wreathed in that odd blue light of his. 

"No," Wolffe said as he found a secluded spot near the frozen lake to have this conversation. He knew what it looked like--talking to his Buir looked like he was talking to himself. He loved talking to his Buir, clung to those moments he had, but he had no desire to be labeled crazy. "Cody deserves whatever joy he can get, so does Kenobi, but it doesn't mean I want to see it." 

_I'm so sorry I left you alone, my son,_ his Buir said sadly, setting a hand on Wolffe's shoulder. Wolffe tried not to flinch because he could still feel the weight of those four fingers and it sent a horrible ache ripping through him. He didn't deserve this, whatever this was, but he clung to it all the same. 

"You owe me nothing," Wolffe said quietly, dragging a gloved finger through the snow. "I shot you down, remember? You don't owe me a damned thing." 

_That wasn't you, Wolffe_ , his Buir said, his hand ruffling Wolffe's short hair. _I could feel what made you "you" vanish. I was in too steep of a dive or I would have pulled my ship up. There was no way to avoid the situation_. 

"Doesn't change the fact you're dead," Wolffe said. Or that he was alone. He'd never really been alone before. Sure, Rex and Cody were there and they were his batchmates, but they weren't his _squad_ and that was different. They weren't his General. 

_All things are possible in the Force,_ his Buir said. There was a moment of quiet before his Buir chuckled and said: _You should ask young Kenobi to see about bringing Ahsoka here. It would do them both good to be around each other._

Wolffe brought his knees to his chest and set his chin on his knees. "You just want some entertainment in your...afterlife," he said, voice catching on the last word. 

_Maybe_ , his Buir said, still amused. _Rex would be relieved to see his little sister, and it might heal the wound Yoda caused in Kenobi._

"And that's something I need to be concerned with?" Wolffe asked, irritated. What did he care about a broken Jedi Master? 

_I cannot undo the damage_ , his Buir said and that damned mournful note was back. _Our little Ahsoka is off in a big galaxy alone when she could have the guiding hand she should have had all along._

Wolffe was quiet as he looked out over the lake and watched the a bird try to break through the ice of the lake, probably looking for fish to eat. "I'll ask Bail," he said. "Kenobi's still a mess and Bail's the one who knows how to contact Ahsoka. It would probably be a good thing to get her here to see that Kenobi hasn't died anyway. They can take it from there." 

_Thank you, my Wolffe_. 

Wolffe nodded and felt a hand ghost over his head once more before the awareness of his Buir faded. He shifted his head and pressed his eyes to his knees instead and cursed, fighting back the fresh wave of grief. Plo Koon wasn't dead and gone, he was One with the Force, but that didn't make things easier. If anything, it made things harder. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... I am in need of a beta. Anyone interested?
> 
> (This chapter had Norcumi's awesome eyeballs on it. Anything else is my fault...)

Cody held Obi-Wan’s hand as the other grudgingly walked to the library. Cody had never thought someone could _grudgingly_ walk, let alone sip tea, or do just about any of the things Obi-Wan was capable of doing, but Obi-Wan was capable of making his opinions on a matter perfectly clear without ever opening his mouth. He was walking to the library, and this meeting with whoever, under duress--even if it wasn’t true duress--and he wanted everyone to know it. 

Cody was trying very hard not to laugh his fool head off at his Jedi. 

He loved his idiot, he just needed to remember that through this next hour as Obi-Wan tried to be his most difficult self. 

When they got to the library’s door, Obi-Wan stopped and--while he wasn’t planting his feet and refusing to budge like Leia at bathtime, it was close enough. Cody’s lips twitched. 

“You have to go in,” Cody said, a hand on Obi-Wan’s lower back. At the unimpressed look he received, Cody gave Obi-Wan a firm nudge forward. “We’re already late.” 

“That one isn’t my fault,” Obi-Wan said, voice snippy. 

“No, that was my fault,” Cody said with a slow grin, “but someone needed to relax.” 

Obi-Wan huffed and stalked into the library. He was in a snit and happy to let Cody know about it. He almost felt sorry for whoever Bail had roped into playing therapist, but then again, if they couldn’t deal with Obi-Wan in a snit then they would never survive. Cody followed him in and found his Jedi frozen half-way to a comfortable alcove with chairs where a woman sat. She had dark brown hair done in some elaborate style and kind brown eyes with pale skin. 

She looked just like Padme Amidala. 

“Oh, Force,” Cody breathed, eyes wide. He went to Obi-Wan’s side, his hands on his Jedi, trying to turn him away from the shocking sight. He could hear him whispering under his breath, startling things he would deal with later, but now he needed his Jedi to focus on the here and now. “Ob’ika, _c’yare_ , no, look at me. Listen to my voice. You’re on Alderaan, not Mustafar. It’s been four years since the Republic’s fall, all right? Four years. Can you focus on me, Ob’ika?” 

The woman got to her feet and, as she came closer Cody could see the little flaws that set her apart. Her features were slightly more refined, finer boned with sharper cheekbones, and a longer face where Padme’s had been just slightly rounder. She drew her hand back and slapped Obi-Wan across the face, hard enough Cody heard the crack of skin-on-skin. It did have the benefit of stopping Obi-Wan’s babble, even if it was startling. 

“I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure,” the woman said with a smile as Obi-Wan leaned forward, his own hand coming up to cover his face. “I’m Sabe, and you are Cody. Nice to finally meet you.” 

“Uh?” Cody said intelligently. 

“This one here couldn’t stop talking about you,” Sabe said. “Nice to know the two of you finally did something about that. Pining gets a little boring to listen to.” 

Cody blinked. 

Obi-Wan finally said something: “ _Ow_.” 

“Jedi,” Sabe sighed, although there was a definite smile on her lips. “Such children. Sit down. We have much to discuss, don’t we?” 

“You’re the one…?” Cody asked, hesitantly. 

“Yes, I’ll be taking Obi-Wan well in hand,” Sabe said as she moved back to the chair she had been sitting in. “Not that it’ll be the first time, right, dove?” To Cody’s surprise, Obi-Wan flushed red. Oh, that was a story he was getting out of him later. “Bail had me working for him on something else, but it was always understood that I would be taking over Leia’s schooling eventually.” Sabe speared Obi-Wan was a narrow-eyed look as he sat down. “You should have told me, Ben. I thought I had lost my mistress _and_ her child. I’m a little mad at you.” 

“Is that why you hit me?” Obi-Wan asked, trying to smile. Cody dragged his chair over and sat down next to Obi-Wan, making sure to not only stake a claim on _his_ Jedi but to be a support for him. 

“No, that was to knock you out of your trauma loop,” Sabe said. She tilted her head to the side, and her loose brown hair fell over one shoulder. “I didn’t know you felt so guilty over Padme.” 

“I was with her when she died,” Obi-Wan said quietly. 

“We’ll get to that,” Sabe said with a nod. “I’m not actually going to make you do any talking today. I just wanted you to know it was me, see how you’re doing, maybe catch up on the gossip.” 

“Gossip?” Cody asked, curious despite himself. 

Obi-Wan cleared his throat, flushing again. “Uh, yes. Sabe and I know each other from, well.” 

Sabe smirked at him. “You know, this is the first time I’ve seen you lose your words with your clothes on.” 

“He’s taken,” Cody said flatly. 

Obi-Wan sank down in his chair and covered his face with his hand. “Oh, Force have mercy,” he breathed, just loud enough for Cody to hear. 

Sabe smiled widely at him. “I’m aware. Do you know how many times I had to listen to him go on and on about you and your… _assets_?” Cody glanced at his Jedi and felt himself smiling. “When we weren’t bitching about how incredibly unsubtle Padme and Anakin were being, it was fun to talk about our love lives, or lack thereof. I kept telling him to go for it; good to see he took me up on it. Though, Obi-Wan Kenobi, how dare you not tell me you did!” 

“Harpy,” Obi-Wan muttered. 

“How long have you two been involved?” Sabe demanded, her foot lashing out quicker than Cody could track to slam into Obi-Wan’s calf. “You were dodging my comms, Mister, and--” 

“Two years,” Cody said, arching an eyebrow.  


“Oh, you _liar!_ ” Sabe gasped in delight. 

Obi-Wan was flushed and sinking down in his chair. “I didn’t lie, I just...changed the subject--” 

“Constantly.” 

“Yes, well, we were keeping it quiet,” Obi-Wan said primly. “Imagine what would have happened if the Council had figured it out.” 

“You had a good amount of leverage on the Council by the end,” Sabe said. “You could have protected the both of you.” 

“I couldn’t protect Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan said. “What makes you think I could protect anyone?” 

“Ahsoka’s situation was different,” Sabe said, suddenly all business. “Her situation involved the Senate. If the two of you had gotten found out and it was just the Council--” 

“Begging your pardon, ma’am,” Cody said, “but nothing with the clones would have just involved the Council. It would have involved the Kaminoans, which means the Senate, the Jedi Council, everything.” 

“Just because the two of you decided to sleep together?” Sabe demanded. 

“A Jedi Councilor and one of the highest ranked clones in the GAR?” Obi-Wan said, head tilted to the side. “Yes.” 

“Fine,” Sabe said. “You couldn’t risk it over a comm, but the two of us saw each other plenty of times.” A pause and a widening of brown eyes, and then she was turning on Cody. “You’re the one who marked him up!” 

“Oh, Force,” Obi-Wan sighed. “You and your memory.” 

“I kept trying to figure out who you were seeing,” Sabe said. “The only other option was that you were paying someone and, Ben, we both know that’s not always safe. I was worried. I was going to say something if I saw you all marked up again, but then the Sieges happened and, well.” 

“Paying someone for what?” Cody asked, with a feeling that he already knew, but wanting clarification just in case he was wrong. 

Sabe smirked at him. “If you haven’t figured it out by now, our Obi-Wan is happiest when he has help shutting that wonderful mind of his off. There are people on Coruscant you can pay to put you in that mindset, but sometimes they don’t want to help, they only want to hurt you.” Cody noticed the way Obi-Wan shifted uncomfortably in his chair, and glanced away from both of them. “It’s _best_ to find someone you can trust, and work things out with them.” 

“I’m aware,” Cody said. “We’ve managed to strike a decent balance.” 

“After that first week,” Obi-Wan said with a smile. 

Cody reached out and took his hand. “Words, _sir_.” 

“Fuck off,” Obi-Wan snickered, squeezing his fingers. 

“You’re adorable,” Sabe declared. “Ben, I do want to talk to you about a number of things. Bail mentioned Qui-Gon and Anakin as possible starting points, and I think that would be wise. I know some of those situations, which means we can just keep building off what I already know for those discussions. But there’s more that we should talk about, and I need you to agree to be honest with me when we get there.” 

“When haven’t I been honest with you?” Obi-Wan asked, his face blank in that perfect way that used to drive Cody nuts. 

Sabe rolled her eyes. “Sweetie, don’t try that with me. You may have been honest but you never tell the full truth. For this to work, for you to actually feel better and not be a walking disaster, you need to lance those wounds. You talk to me, and then I can send you back to Cody and prescribe cuddles and kisses and sex.” 

Cody tried not to laugh, but he did. Especially at the affronted look on Obi-Wan’s face. 

“You can’t order me to have sex,” Obi-Wan said. 

“No,” Sabe said. “But I can strongly encourage you to seek comfort from the man who obviously loves you. Aside from some serious side-eye, he hasn’t even tried to threaten me! He must be very secure in your relationship.” 

“I am, thank you,” Cody said as he fought back a grin. 

“Excellent,” Sabe said. “Since you look so curious, we’ve known each other since the Battle of Naboo. It was quite dashing, the annoyingly tall Master Jinn and then Obi-Wan over here tagging along behind him.” Cody glanced at Obi-Wan as the man let out a violent huff and squirmed around in his chair. “They saved us all and off we went on a wonderful adventure to Tatooine of all places, with Darth Maul on our tail, and then! Then Master Jinn, Padme, and Jar-Jar went off to do whatever on the planet while leaving poor, sweet, naive Obi-Wan with all us handmaidens, a handful of freed pilots, and Captain Panaka.” 

“I hate you,” Obi-Wan said flatly, a murderous look on his face. “I’m going to make your life as difficult as possible.” 

“You do that anyway,” Sabe shot back. “He’d already figured out that I wasn’t the Queen despite all the makeup, and one night we were playing some game and arguing over something--” Obi-Wan muttered a correction, although Cody didn’t catch it “--and we just fell into bed, because what else are you going to do when you’re bored and young? Very dashing. I thought Captain Panaka was going to shoot him the next morning.” 

“I nearly smashed him into the wall for waking me up,” Obi-Wan sighed. “He never liked me.” 

“No,” Sabe grinned. “He liked your ass.” 

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes at her. 

“So you’ve been around since the beginning,” Cody said with a nod. “I may have questions for you.” 

“Absolutely not!” Obi-Wan said as he bolted upright in his chair. “No!” 

Sabe smiled. “I will happily answer any embarrassing question you have about Obi-Wan Kenobi, and any boneheaded moves he might have made before you took charge of him.” 

“Oh, hells,” Obi-Wan sighed. 

“I feel like this is the start of a wonderful friendship,” Cody said with a wide smile, reaching out to shake Sabe’s hand. 

= 

Obi-Wan was trying not to sulk, he honestly was. He had retreated to the bathroom after meeting with Sabe and drawn a bath. He was soaking now, having a found a lovely mix of bath salts that smelled of patchouli, bergamot, and orange. He tried to relax in the warm, scented water, but he was still unreasonably irritated. 

Sabe and Cody could absolutely be friends. There was no reason two people--one a dear friend, with whom he shared a long history, and one who he loved profoundly--could not be friends with each other. He trusted that anything he said to Sabe in confidence would not be repeated to Cody, just as he trusted Cody not to say anything to Sabe. There was no reason for him to feel concern, or upset, or alarm, at this situation. 

And yet he still wanted to track Bail down and demand to know what in all the hells he had been thinking. 

He slid further down in the tub, letting the water cover his face and wet his hair. He loved baths. They were such a distinct pleasure, one that he rarely was able to indulge in. The benefit of being friends with a man as large as Bail was that every tub was large enough to fit a man of his stature--which meant Obi-Wan had no problem being comfortable in tubs on Alderaan. 

When he surfaced, Cody was perched on the edge of the tub holding a glass of water and a smile. Obi-Wan felt his shoulders ease down, as he took the glass carefully and sipped. Yes, he’d been in the bathroom for a while, and this was not his first hot bath. Or second. 

“I’m sure this place has actual hot springs, if you’d rather soak the day away,” Cody said. 

“Not private,” Obi-Wan said, setting the glass aside. 

Cody nodded and stood, pulling his shirt off and undoing his belt. Obi-Wan felt himself smile and sat up in the tub a little, the water sloshing around him. “Fair enough.” 

“What’re you doing?” Obi-Wan asked, watching as Cody kicked his pants off and finished stripping off the rest of his clothes. 

“Getting in the bath with you,” Cody said. “Move over.” 

Obi-Wan hid his face against his raised knee as he scooted forward enough for Cody to climb in behind him. He leaned back against Cody’s chest when he was tugged and tucked his face against the other’s neck. He closed his eyes and let himself relax into the solid feel of his better half. 

They had never had this before. Obi-Wan’s quarters in the Temple had a cramped ‘fresher with a sonic for convenience. Baths, or water showers, were community luxuries and ones that Cody had never seen. The few times they had managed a night away together, somewhere else, the last thing they had cared about was the ‘fresher amenities. As Obi-Wan lay against Cody, feeling him breathe against him and the press of skin-to-skin, he wondered why they hadn’t. He trailed his fingers blindly down Cody’s arm to find his fingers and took his hand. 

“You okay?” Cody asked after a few minutes of silence. 

Was he okay? No, not really. He was still tense and unhappy from the afternoon. He understood, he supposed, why it had to be Sabe rather than anyone else in the entire Galaxy, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. “I will be,” Obi-Wan said after a moment. 

“Will be is better than not,” Cody said as he ran a wet hand through Obi-Wan’s hair. 

Obi-Wan hummed softly and closed his eyes. He trusted Cody. He loved him. He trusted Sabe too. He needed to remember that. These people were not going to harm him. He felt the barest brush of something against his senses--there and gone again before he could figure out what it was--but he put it out of his mind. Later, not now. Now he was going to focus on Cody, on being close to him, and maybe see if he could stand to be the person who he was in his own skin. 

= 

Cody tilted his head to the side, accepting the kiss Obi-Wan pressed to his cheek, and watched the other slink down the halls. His ridiculous mate had decided to go see Bail, for whatever reason, even if he wasn’t looking forward to it. Cody had let him hide all last night and most of this morning, letting the servants bring them food so Obi-Wan would maybe relearn that food was a good thing, but had prodded him out of bed after lunch. 

Cody tried not to find the sulking adorable. 

He himself had his own plans and needed his Jedi gone so he could track down his quarry. He waited until Obi-Wan had vanished before heading out himself. He dressed warmly, since it had started snowing again, and he wasn’t sure where he would find who he was looking for. 

He had some questions. 

He wandered the grounds and the manor, making sure to avoid the area where his brothers, the girls, Obi-Wan, and Bail were. No sense getting drawn into that mess when he wasn’t in the mood to socialize. A few more moments poking around and he finally came upon his prey. 

Sabe was sitting on a bench in one of the gardens with a steaming cup in her hands, bundled up and looking sad. 

“Hello,” Cody said. “You busy, or can anyone join?” 

Sabe looked up at him and smiled. “You’re more than welcome to join me. Should I be expecting your other half in the near future?” 

Cody sat next to her on the bench, stretching his legs out in front of him. “I sent him to Bail,” he said. “Last I saw that involved my brothers and the girls. He won’t be getting free any time soon.” 

Sabe nodded. “Well, what can I do for you, Commander?” 

Cody shook his head. “Just Cody is fine,” he said. “No army, no ranks. Unless you wanted to use the rank I had in the Empire, and I’d rather you didn’t.” No one wanted to hear about his demotion to Lieutenant, or how working under Tarkin--even for that short amount of time--had been the most harrowing time of his life. 

“So, just Cody?” Sabe asked with a smile and a tilt of her head. “How’s our friend dealing with that?” 

Cody grinned. That was a perfect opportunity. “Oh, he’s fine. You can see him pause, every now and then, but for the most part he’s left that behind.” On good days. 

Sabe took a sip of her drink. “And when he’s not doing well?” she asked. At his curious look, she shrugged. “He thought I was Padme. He’s never confused us before, always knew when I was in decoy mode and when Padme was trying to sneak around behind everyone’s backs.” She sniffed, raising a gloved hand to rub at her eyes. “Gods, I miss her so much. I don’t even know what happened to her, and I know she has a daughter--” 

“Twins,” Cody said suddenly. Sabe looked at him, startled. “A boy and a girl. I don’t know the boy, just that he exists.” 

“Oh, Obi,” she sighed, rubbing at her cheeks. “You dumb man.” 

“To be fair,” Cody said carefully, “things haven't been that easy on him either.” 

“I’m aware,” Sabe said. “Bail gave me an idea of how messed up he is, even with no particulars. I--” 

“I think I'd rather talk about the past than what a mess our present is,” Cody interrupted. At Sabe’s arched brow he smiled. “You’ve known Obi-Wan for a lot longer than I have, and in different contexts.” 

Sabe’s smile was both wide and vicious. “I have, yes.” 

“I love him fiercely,” Cody said, “but he is a close-mouthed bastard when he wants to be. At some point, when he's more stable, I'm luring him away from everyone and saying vows.” 

“May all the gods be with you,” Sabe laughed. “I don't think I could keep up with him every day and night for the rest of my life.” 

Cody shrugged carelessly. “I look forward to the challenge he presents. And I love him.” 

“You want gossip,” Sabe said, leaning against Cody and looping her arm through his. “You are fishing for stories about your intended.” 

“I had no idea that he actively enjoyed the company of women until yesterday,” Cody said, making sure they were both comfortable on the bench. “You know a side of Obi-Wan I've never seen.” 

Satine didn't count. Just because you loved the _idea_ of someone didn't mean you loved them, or would know what to do with them once you actually had them. The Duchess would have ruined his General, demanding more and more from him, things Obi-Wan would never compromise on. Not without breaking. _She_ didn't understand him. She didn't understand what he needed and how to give it to him, how to support him without tearing him down. A year spent together as children was intense, he would give the Duchess that, but his Obi-Wan would have left her once the resentment set it. Once they figured out that neither of them could give each other what they needed. 

He'd always been rather pleased that his Jedi was _his_ whenever the Duchess showed up, throwing Obi-Wan for a loop and making a nuisance of herself with all the maybes and might-have-beens. He had Obi-Wan in his bed, kept him grounded, and made him smile. All the Duchess ever did was incite rants and agitation and panic and worry, and bring trouble in her wake. That wasn't to say Cody hadn't been upset, for his General, when the Duchess had been murdered, but he was also not particularly broken up over it. She had treated him, and all his brothers, like he was invisible. He had been infuriated that Obi-Wan could ever have loved someone who couldn't even see Cody as a person. 

“I know many sides of Obi-Wan Kenobi,” Sabe said with a tiny smirk. She stood, dragging Cody up with her. “Come inside, and we will talk. Drinks by the fire.” 

Cody nodded and let himself be hauled around by the smaller woman. She was deceptively strong, and he very much wanted to book some mat time with her. He had heard vague stories about the Naboo Handmaidens, but never seen proof; he wanted first-hand experience. Sabe lead him to a little study and rang for a servant, ordering them both the spicy cocoa that Cody had to make sure Obi-Wan didn't try. 

No alcohol for his Jedi, not until he could prove he could handle it and be responsible. Bail’s words, not Cody’s. Hopefully it would happen sooner rather than later. Obi-Wan would love this concoction. 

Sabe divested herself of her coat and scarf, tossing them over a different chair to dry, before taking a seat. She patted her hair with one hand absently, a braided crown if Cody was correct, and stretched out her legs. “What would you like to know?” she asked. “I won't tell you anything he's told me in confidence, but we can gossip about our lovable fool.” 

Cody’s mind went blank at the prospect of unfiltered access to Obi-Wan’s past, and he tried to think. “Do you know why he’s so hopeless at _talking_?” he asked, trying not to sound plaintive. There, that was a good start. They had had so many issues, both in the past and at the present, with communication was a logistical nightmare. If he didn’t figure it out at some point, Cody was afraid he would continue to misstep for the rest of his life, and who wanted that as a future prospect? 

Sabe laughed. “Darling, he’s a spy. Half-trained but still a spy,” she said with a smile. “It drove me nuts until I figured it out, but there it is! Cagey bastard had some of the same training we handmaidens did, and I called him out on it. Watching him try to talk his way out of that situation is one of my fondest memories of him.” 

Cody tried not to smile, and failed. “He’s always been pretty good with that mouth of his, hasn’t he?” 

“Until you need a straight answer out of him,” Sabe said, a slight curl to her lips. 

“He’s very good at ‘yes’ and ‘no’,” Cody offered. 

“You two deserve each other,” Sabe said, poking Cody in the chest. 

Cody smiled, and paused in his questioning as a servant brought in their drinks. He and Sabe both thanked the woman, and waited for her to leave before continuing. “I think it is less a matter of deserving and more…” He made a face and took a sip of his drink, unsure how to express what he wanted to say. 

He and Obi-Wan, they didn’t deserve each other. It wasn’t as if the Force, or Fate, or Karma had weighed their deeds against some cosmic checklist and decided that they matched the bestest in all the Galaxy. It wasn’t because their sharpest edges matched, or clicked, or whatever trite bullshit romantics came up with. He disliked the flowery language so many people used to describe love and relationships. The romance novels that made their usual rounds through the GAR had been some of his least favorite and, if he’d been able to, he would have banned their presence completely. 

Boil would have killed him if he tried. Wooley, too. Hellfires, he would have had a mutiny from half of Ghost Company. They loved that crap. 

“I don’t want to deserve him,” Cody said slowly, pulling his mind away from better times with his missing brothers “I want to earn him. I want to be earned.” 

How broken did that make him? After all this time and distance, here he was at his core--a clone thinking he could earn the affections of someone like Obi-Wan. And yet, somehow, he had. Once upon a time, he had. He had made his General smile that soft, genuine smile when he ducked his head against his left shoulder to hide it. He had made those eyes dance in wicked glee. He had given pleasure, and received pleasure, as he had protected and been protected. 

He had lost his right to Obi-Wan--hadn’t he?--when the Order had taken root in his mind. But here he was, still wanting, still needing, still desperate to prove that he could help shoulder some of Obi-Wan’s load. His Jedi still wanted to be equals--one of Cody’s most desperate wishes for so many years now--and he just wanted to...to... He wanted a home, a life, where they could spend years together doing the little things that showed each other that they would always be a priority, be a choice--felt _earned_. 

Sabe was working her hair out of the braided crown when he looked up, a considering look on her face. “You understand him,” she said simply. 

“I don’t understand the spy stuff,” Cody said as he made a face. It made sense but he didn’t understand it. It would explain why, out of all the Councilors, his General has been the one to be Rako Hardeen. It would explain all those other supposedly secret missions where he couldn’t be with Ghost, or the 212th, or Cody, and had slunk away to… “Force take it, Rex knew.” 

“Hm?” Sabe hummed around a mouth full of needles. 

Cody pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m going to kill him.” At the noise of inquiry from Sabe, Cody waved his hand. “Rex, although it’s very tempting to yell at Obi-Wan at increasingly loud volumes.” 

“Why?” Sabe asked, spitting out her needles. 

“There are several times Obi-Wan went off on missions, supposedly with the 501st, except when I commed him? Rex had conveniently ‘lost’ my General,” Cody said reaching for his drink again. He was going to straight up murder his no-good brother. If Rex was lucky, he wouldn’t tell Boil why. “Obi-Wan told me, told _us_ , he was running ops with the 501st, but he was really using them as cover to go off and play spy with no one to watch his back.” He didn’t care that the drink was meant to be savored and enjoyed; he needed the alcohol to steady his nerves and calm him down before he got up and went to throttle his Jedi or his brother. Or both. 

Force take it all, he was surrounded by idiots. Idiots he loved. What the kriff did that make him? 

“He’s very good at playing spy,” Sabe said, reaching out to pat his knee. “I wouldn’t worry. Besides, he’s here now, so clearly he knows what he’s doing.” 

“That’s not reassuring,” Cody sighed, setting down his empty mug. His side hurt now, an achey-stitch feeling. Ow. 

Sabe grinned. “I’m not here to reassure you. I could tell you about some of the missions I know he went on, before you knew him, but I don’t think you’d like those stories.” 

Cody narrowed his eyes at her. “That sounds like a challenge.” 

“Are you squeamish about blood?” Sabe asked, batting her lashes at him. 

“Lady,” Cody sighed. Did she honestly want an answer to that? 

“Fair point,” Sabe said with an imperious wave of her hand. “A correction then, are you squeamish about the idea of Obi-Wan’s blood?” Cody twitched, slightly, but just enough that Sabe started laughing at him. “Well, I will tell you one and then you can decide if you want more.” Cody nodded, making himself comfortable in his chair; that was fair. “Let’s see, I think he was about twenty-six in this one? He and his friend, Quinlan Vos, were dispatched to…” 

= 

Obi-Wan knew he was being ridiculous. Not wanting to leave Cody’s side, not wanting to talk to his other friends, or to see Leia was pure madness. He was aware of this, he really was, and he was aware that Cody was not only indulging him, but was also running out of patience. 

Maybe. 

It was hard to tell with him sometimes. 

Bail was certainly annoyed with him, as he dragged--literally dragged--Obi-Wan through the...he didn’t even know what the hell kind of dwelling they were in. It was too large to be a cabin and too small to be a palace. A manor? A chateau? Something like that. His mind hurt too much. Bail called it his hunting retreat, and Breha had smiled indulgently and patted his arm when they had first arrived, not that Obi-Wan actually cared. It had, at minimum, four walls and at least one ceiling. That sufficed. 

“Bail, you really don’t have to _drag_ me,” Obi-Wan protested. 

“I don’t think I trust you not to run off and hide anymore,” Bail teased, flashing a quick grin over his shoulder. “You always were elusive when you wanted to be, and now you’ve just become impossible. Come spend time with those you aren’t sleeping with, and especially Leia.” 

Obi-Wan growled under his breath. “We’re not even sleeping together.” 

Bail stopped unexpectedly, and Obi-Wan collided with his friend’s back. “Then what in all the good gods are you two doing?” Bail asked in puzzlement. 

“TALKING!” Obi-Wan shouted in irritation. “Like everyone keeps getting after me to do! Don’t think I’m not working out a way to repay you for blindsiding me with Sabe, by the way, you ridiculous man. That was uncalled for.” 

Bail’s look of innocent puzzlement was expertly faked. “Why, my friend, whatever do you mean?” 

“I hate you so much,” Obi-Wan sighed. 

“I’m glad that you and Cody are talking,” Bail said. “I think his brothers were under the assumption you were both doing much less, uh... “ 

Obi-Wan flushed. He wanted to go back to no one knowing anything about his and Cody’s love life, immediately. It was honestly no one’s business but their own, and he suddenly had a whole new appreciation for Cody’s insistence over handling the _riduurok_ the way he wanted to. “Bail, please let this be the last time you say anything about my sex life,” Obi-Wan said. 

Bail smiled slyly, “In that case, I would like to mention that I’m aware the two of you are highly unlikely to go for a public ceremony.” Obi-Wan arched a brow; his old friend knew him maybe a little too well. “Whenever you two decide to go through with it? Let me know, and I’ll not only cover for you, but also provide you with a place for a honeymoon. Because, Ben? I dearly love you, but you are _loud_.” 

Obi-Wan froze, his face on fire from blushing, before punching Bail’s arm. “You are a horrible person,” he hissed through clenched teeth. “Awful. The worst.” 

“Who is providing you with a place far away from everyone else,” Bail said, laughing as he moved away from Obi-Wan--and out of easy hitting range. “My daughter is too young to ask me those sorts of questions!” 

“Vile, no good, despicable person,” Obi-Wan muttered under his breath. 

“You have known me far too long, my friend,” Bail said with a benevolent smile. He took a sideways step-shuffle closer and tossed an arm--tight, clingy limb that it was--over Obi-Wan’s shoulders, dragging and trapping him against his side. Damn Bail and his height. And muscles. And width. It was utterly unfair that a politician should have a physical advantage over _him_ of all people. Bail had always seemed to have an advantage in that field for as long as Obi-Wan had known him--and he was _not_ short! He was just...surrounded by friends and loved ones who were unfairly taller than him. 

Force take it all. 

“You know, I’m terribly tired,” Obi-Wan said as he pushed back against Bail’s side. “I think I’ll just--” 

“Now, now,” Bail said as he continued to walk forward, dragging Obi-Wan with him, “I’m sure Rex and Boil would be thrilled to see you up and about. I believe they’re playing with Leia in the snow.” 

Obi-Wan tried to dig in his heels, but it was futile--the floors here were all one long block of stone and there was no purchase for his boot heels. He couldn’t even free his fingers to dig into nerve points and so he was, in fact, trapped. “Bail.” 

“Loosen up,” Bail murmured. “Or I’ll find a snow bank and toss you in it, just like I used to.” 

“I believe the last time was a lake and I took you with me,” Obi-Wan hissed. “Try it again and--” 

“You cling to dignity too much,” Bail said, a strange tone in his voice. “You should try to relax.” 

“I thought that was what the alcohol was for,” Obi-Wan muttered darkly. 

“No, that’s called ‘avoidance’,” Bail said. They stopped as they came to a low wall where they could see Leia chasing Gregor, Rex, and Boil around a little snowed-in garden while Wolffe sprawled under a tree with Winter curled up against his side with a book, looking for all the world as if he was asleep. Leia couldn’t quite throw the snowball properly, but the clones were making it easy for her to hit them before dramatically dying for her entertainment. “Ben, this is your family. Avoiding the people who care for you hurts everyone involved.” Obi-Wan flinched, and tried to pull away but Bail wouldn’t let him. “I get that Master Jinn messed up with you, I do, and that you feel you failed Anakin, but that’s in the past. You can only move forward.” 

“I hate you,” Obi-Wan sighed with no heat to his words. 

“That’s practically a love confession from you,” Bail said with a smile. 

Obi-Wan sighed again, and leaned against one of the pillars connected to the low wall. He wasn’t against spending time with the men. He wasn’t. Not completely. 

“Why are you hesitating, Ben?” Bail asked. “The real reason, not the reason you tell anyone else to get them off your back.” 

“I don’t know how to act around them,” Obi-Wan said after a quiet moment. “I’m not their General anymore, I’m hardly a Jedi. I don’t know what they expect. Most of the time when I talk to people there is a very set structure around those interactions.” 

“Have you ever tried just being yourself?” Bail asked carefully. 

Obi-Wan stared back at him blankly. He didn’t even know what that meant. 

“When you’re with Cody, who are you?” Bail asked. 

Obi-Wan tilted his head to the side, considering the question. He wasn’t quite “General Kenobi” but he wasn’t quite “Ben”. He had, at some point when he was younger, begun labeling his masks to keep from losing his mind, or possibly out of sheer boredom--one of the two. Being with Cody was somewhere between Mask 329 and General Kenobi, with shades of Mask 23 and Mask 5 mixed in when appropriate. The numbers made no sense to anyone but himself, he was aware, but very few of his masks had names in the first place. 

“General Kenobi” obviously was the one everyone expected, mixed with a few previous political masks and a new dash of some public relations masks that he had had to quickly cobble together with Sabe’s assistance. “Ben” was named by Quinlan, actually, and further moulded by his immediate friends and anyone he invited to call him by that name. It was for friends, one of his very first masks, thinner than his others, but still a way to keep everyone and arm’s length and gauge their reactions through a filter. 

No one wanted to see the aching void of nothingness that existed under the masks. The blank nothingness that was all that was left of him. Who was “Obi-Wan Kenobi”? A blank slate. A collection of masks. No one of great importance. 

“Ben?” 

Obi-Wan shrugged. “You wouldn’t like the answer if I told you.” 

“Well,” Bail said slowly, “you could try being that with them. They know you, those men, and they care for you, and want to see you. Maybe not Wolffe, but he won’t be happy until I help him find the rest of his pack.” 

Obi-Wan blinked at Bail, startled. Yes, that did make sense. Wolffe might be with his batchmates now, but he had always chosen his men over his brothers. Why would now make any difference? Before he could answer Bail, however, a snowball hit him in the side of the face. He hadn’t even felt a warning in the Force and wasn’t that more disturbing than anything else? 

Bail, blast him, was laughing as Obi-Wan brushed snow out of his face. He looked around and spotted a maniacally waving Boil, who already had another snowball primed in his other hand. 

“Sir! Stop looking so glum with your friend up there!” Boil called. “You’ve escaped Cody’s clutches, come spend some time with the rest of us!” 

Obi-Wan snorted and tried not to smile. Cody’s clutches? Really? “Or what? You going to throw another snowball at me?” 

“Maybe,” Boil said with a grin. 

A snowball collided with the back of Obi-Wan’s head. He jumped, startled, and stared at a smug looking Rex. 

“Sir,” Rex said, a shit-eating grin firmly in place. 

“Oh, it’s on,” Obi-Wan said, using the Force to send two large clutches of snow at both Boil and Rex at once...and Bail, for good measure. 

There were shouts as he vaulted over the wall and joined Boil in the garden. He scooped up snow as he rose to his feet and easily shoved another handful of loose slush into Boil’s face. Gregor was laughing as he watched from a safe location. He heard a thud as Rex followed his method of getting down. Obi-Wan could hear the light, tinkling noise of little girl giggles and glanced around--Leia was hiding behind Gregor with her own snowball waiting in gloved hands. 

“You decided a snowball fight was the best way to say hello?” Obi-Wan asked, scooping up more snow. The cold bit into his unprotected hands but he would live; it was rather thrilling, and fun, to do something so frivolous. 

“You’ve been so distracted by Cody,” Rex said, “Boil figured we needed a way to get your attention.” 

Obi-Wan shook his head and tried not to smile as he let the heat from his hands melt some of the snow into a better sphere. “You all seem to be under the impression we were doing something we weren’t,” he said. 

“Sir, if Cody didn’t have you on your back within moments of getting here I’m going to be incredibly upset with him,” Boil said. 

Obi-Wan lobbed the snowball at him, aiming for his chest, and grinned viciously when Boil yelped as the ball of ice and snow exploded against him. “We were talking, Boil. Something we didn’t do a lot of during the war.” 

“Wait, so the two of you _haven’t_ \--?” Boil demanded, looking horrified. 

Obi-Wan tried not to roll his eyes. “There’s children here.” 

“Our brother is an idiot,” Boil said, leaning to the side to speak to Rex. 

“Depends what the long-game is,” Rex said, coming up behind Obi-Wan….and shoving a handful of snow down his tunics. 

Obi-Wan tried very hard not to shriek and danced around, trying to get his shirt loose enough to get the snow out. Now he understood Anakin’s irritation when he would drizzle sand down the back of his tunics when his Padawan had been highly irritating. Anything down the back was never fair game. Of course, he was not responsible for using the Force to send mini tsunami of snow at Rex and Boil, although he did accidentally clip Gregor and Leia in the process. 

“There is this thing,” Obi-Wan said as he finally got his shirts out of his pants and the snow out, “called anticipation. Sometimes it’s worth waiting for something.” 

Boil sighed gustily. “Sir, that’s a load of crap.” 

“No, not really,” Obi-Wan said cheerfully. “I can definitely say it works for us. But then, we do have an unconventional relationship.” 

“You could say that again,” Boil said with a shake of his head. 

“Can I play?” Leia asked brightly from Gregor’s side. “I like the snow!” 

“Sure, princess,” Rex said with a grin. “Just be sure to--” 

Obi-Wan froze as he heard the rumble and stared in shock at the look of concentration on Leia’s face as the Force stirred in sleepy warning at him. He turned, slowly, to watch the cascade of snow from off the roofs of the chateau head towards them like an avalanche. He heard Wolffe swear and Winter’s gasp of fright but his mind was empty of what to do. By the time he even brought a hand up, thinking maybe to use the Force to push it back or at least divert from around the little garden, it had slammed into him. 

He was knocked back into Rex and he felt arms go around him as the snow slammed them into a wall. He felt dazed but he could hear laughter, excited and bright and...did he have a concussion? Rex was helping get them out after a moment, shaking with his own laughter, as Obi-Wan clung to him. The garden was destroyed, the tree where Wolffe had been with Winter broken by the force of the snow, but the little girls were whooping and giggling even more for it. The clones had the same bright eyed look Obi-Wan usually associated with them from after a close call, the rush of adrenaline, and they were flinging snowballs at each other--even Wolffe. 

Obi-Wan looked up at the balcony where Bail was and saw his friend’s pinched face. It held the same feeling of horror Obi-Wan felt. 

Leia was almost five. If she could do this now, with blocks on her powers, what would she be able to do later if left unchecked? He looked at the little girl, her hair streaming wild behind her, and sat down in the snow. He’d have to train her. There was no one else. He’d have to train them _both_. 

Oh, Force, let him not destroy another set of Skywalkers. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo.........I can't write smut. Sorry? >_>
> 
> Everyone love on Norcumi and Wrennette for the fantastically speedy beta jobs!

Obi-Wan went back to their rooms to change, absolutely fleeing Bail and the others in the panic of his realization that time was marching on no matter what his feelings on the situation were. He hated feeling so out of control. He hesitated in front of the closet before choosing one of Cody’s shirts, liking the way it smelled of the other man and wanting that comfort right now, and changed into a dry pair of pants. He scowled at his damp boots and pulled on a new pair of socks, hoping that Cody hadn’t gone outside; he wasn’t in the mood to get wet again if he could help it. 

He grabbed a soft sweater, also Cody’s, and pulled it on as he left the room to track down the other man. There was an itching under his skin--an itch he hadn’t felt for years and one that left him extremely unsettled. He needed to find Cody, to see him, to let the other man anchor him to the here and now. Obi-Wan was getting better at doing it himself, at communicating with the Force to maybe the level of a senior Padawan, but he was still rusty and shaky and he craved Cody’s closeness. 

He wanted Cody close for other reasons, too, if he was being perfectly honest with himself. 

During the war, although now it felt like an eternity ago, Obi-Wan could have found Cody through the Force without even thinking about it. That was before. Honestly, he hadn’t tried lately. He might be able to now as well, although he wouldn’t know until he tried. He leaned against a wall and started to let go of his focuses, almost like the beginning of a meditation, except he guided his conscious to look for one particular flare of light in the backdrop of the Force. 

He wanted to find Cody, with his steadfast blue-green presence that had always called to Obi-Wan and invited him to bask in Cody’s warmth. There was something flickering just outside of his consciousness, beckoning him to _look_ , to _see_ , but he didn’t want to. He wanted to find Cody. He could just, maybe, make out where he was. He let himself follow the will of the Force, let it lead him to Cody, as he focused on the beckoning beacon that was his chosen heart-mate. 

He didn’t know how long he wandered, or where he was, when he was finally snapped out of his trance by the feel of warm hands on his face. He opened his eyes--when had he closed them?--and smiled at the worried expression on Cody’s face. 

“Found you,” he said, trying to keep the triumphant tone suppressed. From the unimpressed look Cody gave him, he was not successful. 

“You did,” Cody said, kissing his forehead. “Do I even want to know how? You were in some sort of trance, _cyare_ , scared the shit out of me.” 

Obi-Wan swayed into Cody, for no other reason than he could, and felt himself begin to relax. “I know what you feel like, in the Force, so I looked for you. It led me here.” 

Cody wrapped an arm around his waist and hummed softly. “You never did that before.” 

“Didn’t need to,” Obi-Wan said with absolute honesty and perfect reasoning. “I knew where you were.” 

Cody snorted a laugh. “Fair enough. You and I, though, need to have a talk at some point about how I didn’t always know where you were.” Obi-Wan frowned, confused. He hadn’t? Cody ran a hand down Obi-Wan’s back. “Saying you were with Rex and the 501st when you were running Shadow ops? That’s just rude, sir.” 

Ah. Sabe had been spilling secrets. 

Obi-Wan pulled back enough to brush an apologetic kiss over Cody’s lips. “You can be as upset with me as you want for those missions but you should leave Rex out of it.” 

“Oh?” Cody asked, arching an eyebrow. “I appreciate your permission to be upset, by the way, but is there a reason I shouldn’t go tearing into my brother for lying to my face about losing you?” 

“Because I ordered him to,” Obi-Wan said simply. He ran his hands over Cody’s sides, distracted by the fabric of his shirt and the way it hung on him. “He was only doing his duty.” 

“I’m still going to yell at him,” Cody said, taking a step back and grabbing Obi-Wan’s wrists. “Stop that.” 

Obi-Wan glanced at his wrists in Cody’s hands and felt something _sizzle_ down his spine. “Or what?” he asked, his breath catching at the thought of pushing Cody. “What will you do if I don’t stop?” 

Cody’s eyes narrowed but then he tilted his head to the side. “Are, are you wearing my clothes?” he asked, his voice sounding both husky and choked at the same time. 

“Mine were wet,” Obi-Wan said with the slightest smile. “And I like the way they smelled of you.” 

“We, uh,” Cody said, clearing his throat. “We agreed we weren’t going to do this just yet.” 

Obi-Wan tugged on his wrists absently and Cody’s grip tightened, sending a zing of not-quite-pain and arousal running through his veins. “There’s nothing stopping us,” he said in a rush, the words practically tripping over themselves. “I want it, you want it, we don’t even have to tell anyone until we want to.” 

Cody let go of his wrists to grab his hips and pull him close, leaning in to brush their noses together. “Are you sure?” he asked. “You’ve been content to wait--” 

“I’ve been standing still while the world moves on without me,” Obi-Wan interrupted. “I want to move with the world, I want to live.” He was terrified of what might come to pass and he didn’t want to leave things undone, or unsaid. How many times had he done that in the past, always thinking there’d be time until there hadn't been any? He refused to let this be another moment he regretted. 

Cody’s hands tightened on his hips and kissed him gently. “You are such trouble,” he said softly. “What am I going to do with you?” 

“Marry me?” Obi-Wan murmured as he kissed him back. “Honestly, at this point, it’s the only thing you can do. You already own me heart and soul, you might as well make it official.” 

Cody pulled away, eyes narrowed. “If this is just because you want me to fu--” 

Obi-Wan darted in to bite his lip. “Don’t finish that thought,” he said, offended. Honestly, if he wanted anything other than _Cody_ in his entirety, well. Sabe wasn’t too hard to find now. 

“I had to ask,” Cody said as one hand moved from Obi-Wan’s hip to the small of his back. “You know I did. You’re not exactly yourself these days.” 

He considered that and, from Cody’s perspective, perhaps not. It was masks. It always came back to masks, didn’t it? Cody had only ever seen what Obi-Wan had wanted him to see, even if his Commander had always been a little too insightful for his comfort. He pressed closer, a hand wrapping around the back of Cody’s neck, and tried to relax against him. How did he explain? 

“I’m a mess,” Obi-Wan said slowly. “I’ve always been a mess, long before the war ever started, before Naboo, before a lot of things.” 

“Obi,” Cody started. 

Obi-Wan tucked his head against Cody’s neck, soaking in his warmth. “No one has really wanted me,” he said. “Not at first. Qui-Gon accepted me years after we’d been together and An--well. We only started getting along when the wars started. But you, you’ve always. And there’s, Force, so much you should know. But this is me, I promise. I just don’t know what mask to use and keep reaching for the wrong one.” 

“I know,” Cody said softly, his grip gentling. “I figured out the--you called them masks? I figured those out years ago. Any time we had a mission where you had to be diplomatic there would be this pause, the slightest blankness, and then it was like you were someone else. It was like you were weighing the situation, deciding what would work best, and stepping into a new body every time you did that. It was creepy.” 

“Creepy?” Obi-Wan repeated faintly. He shouldn’t be surprised Cody had noticed. He had always been so observant and careful with him after those ridiculous missions. Obi-Wan remembered the whiplash he’d give himself, having to flip between multiple masks at the drop of a credit because of what the situation would demand at a time. 

“I always tried to give you space afterwards,” Cody said, pulling back to cup Obi-Wan’s face. “You looked sick.” 

“I don’t deserve you,” Obi-Wan said with a sigh, closing his eyes and leaning into Cody’s touch. His hands were so warm. 

Cody muttered something under his breath in Mando’a and tugged Obi-Wan toward a bench set into the wall and strewn with cushions. They were in a different part of the chateau than Obi-Wan had been in before but it felt private. Cody sat down and pulled Obi-Wan into his arms, half-into his lap as well, then cupped his face and looked him in the eyes. 

“No one deserves anyone,” Cody said, voice fierce. “The idea of destiny, or of being something we’re settling for makes _me_ sick. I don’t want to deserve you, _cyare_ , I want to earn you.” Obi-Wan felt his heart seize in his chest; what? “I want to spend the rest of my life proving to you that you are the most important being in my life. I want to make you smile, and laugh, I want to be there when the worst happens just like I want to be there when the best happens.” 

Obi-Wan grabbed Cody’s face and pulled him in for a desperate kiss. He ignored the startled noise Cody made and kissed him as if Cody were air and he was drowning. Cody leaned back and Obi-Wan crawled into his lap, hands sliding from that wonderful face to Cody’s chest. Everywhere Obi-Wan touched was the warmth and solidity that was his heart-mate and he wanted nothing more than to wrap himself in the feeling of Cody and never leave. 

Cody broke the kiss, his hands gripping Obi-Wan’s hips tightly. He looked almost uncertain but so beautiful with his mouth kiss-swollen and his eyes dark with desire. “ _Mhi solus tome,_ ” he started. 

Obi-Wan smiled and leaned in, nuzzling his jaw. “ _Mhi solus dar’tome_ ,” he said. His chest felt two sizes too small and he _ached_ in a way he had no words for. 

“ _Mhi me’dinui an, mhi ba’juri verde_ ,” they murmured as one, accents and voices mixing together. It was a melody Obi-Wan could listen to forever and never grow sick of. 

Cody’s hands slipped under the sweater and shirt to find skin and hummed approval as Obi-Wan nibbled along his neck. He could feel the half-ignored tendrils lighting up again but he pushed them aside--too distracting. He would deal with that later. Now he had Cody’s hands on him and he had his mouth on Cody’s skin and Cody was dragging his nails along his sides and Obi-Wan felt like he was on fire. 

“Breathe,” Cody murmured, a smile tugging at his lips. 

Obi-Wan took a breath and kissed Cody again, his own hands going down to pull Cody’s shirt up and _off_. Off, he wanted skin under his hands, nothing but miles of skin that was his to explore and delight in. His skin to kiss and touch and savor. Cody leaned back and then the shirt was gone, but there were hands on him, working on divesting him of his shirt and sweater as well. He grinned, helping Cody get rid of the clothes, the two of them laughing as their hands got tangled together until the sweater fell to ground. 

“Gorgeous,” Cody murmured, smoothing hands up Obi-Wan’s ribs towards his pectorals. With a sly smile, Cody leaned in and scraped his teeth over Obi-Wan’s jaw as his thumbs rubbed at his nipples. “I miss the beard and you need a haircut.” 

“We’ll compromise,” Obi-Wan said as his pulse raced. “You can cut my hair later and I’ll think about something that won’t get me immediately marked as ‘General Kenobi’.” 

Cody leaned in, breath hot against Obi-Wan’s ear as he nipped at the lobe before moving to the too sensitive skin behind his ear. Obi-Wan moaned and reached up to grab at Cody’s shoulders. Not fair! Oh, but so delightful. Hands were sliding over his skin and he held onto Cody, waiting for permission, so hungry for the way his heart-mate could light him up inside with such simple touches. There were hands on his ass, urging Obi-Wan to shift forward--and move he did, grinding demandingly against Cody, drawing a growl from the other. 

He brought the Force to bear, touching and stroking over Cody’s chest and back and thighs as he buried his face against Cody’s neck and sucked and bit kisses against the skin there. He wanted, he wanted so much. He could feel how much Cody did too and was getting desperate to feel more of him. 

Force, when had he gotten so greedy? 

There were hands at his pants and Obi-Wan heard Cody swearing as he worked the belt open. “No more clothes for you,” Cody growled. “I’m going to keep you naked for a _week_.” 

Obi-Wan shivered at that thought, delighted and hungry in turn, and tilted his head to nip at Cody’s ear. “Just a week?” he asked innocently, burying his hands in Cody’s hair. He ran his nails along the other’s scalp, tugging just slightly, feeling the way Cody’s hips surged against his in reaction to such a simple touch. 

“Don’t tempt me,” Cody said, sounding wrecked. 

“‘ _There’s this thing called anticipation’_ ,” a voice said in a horrible imitation of Obi-Wan’s own accent. 

They froze. 

“‘ _We were talking, Boil_ ’,” another voice mimicked. “Talking. Is talking another word for kriffing that I just never heard?” 

“You know, if that’s the case then an awful lot of people have been kriffing around.” 

“ _Rex_ ,” Cody growled. “ _Boil_.” 

Obi-Wan flushed in horrified embarrassment. Oh, hells. They were in a public hallway, in a window seat where they could be seen by anyone if they cared to look up. 

“Hunh,” Rex said. “You know, I never thought the blush went that far down.” 

Cody very carefully slid Obi-Wan off his lap before stalking over to his brothers. Boil, it seemed, was smarter than Rex because he gave a wicked laugh and shouted, “SCATTER!” before taking off at a dead run. Rex, however, stood his ground and smirked at Cody. 

“You have one minute to reconsider your position,” Cody said, his voice low but not so low Obi-Wan couldn’t hear him. 

“Nice hickey,” Rex said, arching an eyebrow. 

“You been taking asshole lessons from Wolffe?” Cody demanded. 

“Wow,” Rex said, leaning around Cody to glance at Obi-Wan. “You really need to drag this one back to the bedroom, Kenobi. I’d forgotten how bad he gets when he’s not getting some regularly.” 

Obi-Wan bit back his snicker as Cody stepped in close to Rex and hissed something at him. Rex’s smile slid away and he stared at him in shock. 

“Leave,” Cody growled before turning away from Rex and heading back to Obi-Wan. He picked up their shirts and helped Obi-Wan to his feet. “Think you can make it back to our rooms?” he asked with a tired smile. 

Obi-Wan arched an eyebrow. “I think that was a sufficient mood killer, yes,” he said as he fixed his belt. He glanced over at Rex, who had yet to budge, and tipped his head to the side curiously. “What did you say to him?” 

Cody kissed Obi-Wan’s cheek and took his hand. “Tell you later,” he said. “Let’s head back to our rooms, where we have a door that locks.” 

Obi-Wan stifled a smile and squeezed Cody’s fingers as his heart-mate led him around Rex--who still looked absolutely poleaxed--and through the hallways. Obi-Wan hadn’t paid attention to where he was going as he had searched for Cody and so now he let himself look. It was beautiful here and he could understand why Bail and Breha had no problem extending their time here. They were conducting their business via comm and there were plenty of visitors to keep Breha busy while Bail handled her paperwork. Or so Bail had said. 

“What’re you thinking about?” Cody asked, tugging Obi-Wan closer and bringing his hand up to kiss his knuckles. 

“Nothing,” Obi-Wan said with a smile. At Cody’s arched brow, he sighed and rolled his eyes. “Duty, I suppose.” 

“Duty?” Cody asked, a curious lilt to his voice. “How so?” 

Obi-Wan was silent for the next hallway as he clutched Cody’s hand tightly. “Leia,” he said softly, finally, “and Luke. She needs training and if she does then Luke does as well.” 

“Are you going to have a problem teaching them?” Cody asked after a moment. 

“The Order fell for a reason,” Obi-Wan whispered as Cody tugged him into an alcove. “It fell and we’re being hunted for a reason. I failed, for a reason. The old methods are wrong but I don’t know what’s right either. I don’t know if I should teach them, if I can let myself be responsible for two more Skywalkers, but I also know that, that.” He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t. He shook his head and ducked his head as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

Cody caught his chin in one hand and kissed him gently. “Listen to me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Skywalker’s Fall wasn’t your fault.” 

“Lies,” Obi-Wan whispered, opening his eyes and grabbing at Cody’s arms. 

“It wasn’t _just_ your fault,” Cody amended with a sigh. “Leia has a sister and a family who loves her to pieces. I don’t know about Luke, but I’m sure whoever you left him with loves him too.” 

“His uncle and aunt,” Obi-Wan said. “Owen hates me, hates the Jedi, hates a lot of things. When I go to get Luke, I need you to come with me because Owen won’t--he’ll try to stop me.” 

Cody kissed him again. “Of course. Luke will stay with us and you’ll find a way to teach them both. And when we need time to ourselves, we’ll turn them loose on Bail or my brothers or any number of people who will be willing to help us. You have family now, _cyare_ , and I may be an old clone but I am more than ready to raise more warriors with you.” 

“Force, you’re awful,” Obi-Wan breathed. “How can you say things like that? As if they’re so simple?” 

“Because I have you back,” Cody said with a tiny smile. “Because I love you. Because I have my brothers and I’ve helped with the Shinies before and while they may be tiny Skywalkers, they’re also children. I think we can handle two children. We just need them to know they’re loved.” 

Obi-Wan pushed forward and wrapped his arms around Cody, ignoring the quivering feeling inside his chest, and held onto his strength instead. Together. They could do it together. He would have help this time, support, people to catch him--or Luke or Leia--if any of them began to falter. He could, maybe, even reach out to Quinlan and the other remnants of the Order. 

“What would I do without you?” Obi-Wan asked. 

“Apparently you decide spite and insanity is a great way of life,” Cody said. 

Obi-Wan stared at him in disbelief before punching him in the arm. He huffed as he rolled his eyes and stalked out into the hallway. He heard Cody laughing and felt hands on his hips as the other caught up with him. There was a kiss brushed against his cheek as they continued walking back to their rooms, an arm around Obi-Wan’s waist as they went. 

Cody opened the door for him when they got to their rooms and smiled at him with such warmth that Obi-Wan just wanted to bask in everything that was _him_. Cody arched a brow and held out a hand with a smile. Obi-Wan took it and then pulled Cody into the room with a laugh, catching a bubbly, almost euphoric feeling that went racing through his body. Was that from Cody? 

Cody tossed the shirts aside and made sure the door was not only closed but locked before drawing Obi-Wan back into his arms. “Hello there,” he murmured. 

Obi-Wan wrinkled his nose, “Isn’t that my line?” 

Cody looked unbearably smug, “It’s a very good line.” 

Obi-Wan nipped Cody’s chin before soothing it with a kiss. “What other lines have you been stealing?” 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Cody snickered. 

“I would, actually,” Obi-Wan said as he slid his hands down Cody’s sides. He smiled and dropped small kisses along Cody's shoulder as he felt the other’s skin break out in gooseflesh. “On second thought, keep your secrets. It will make the years much more entertaining.” 

“That's a way to pass the time,” Cody said as he took a step back, guiding them towards the bed. “Coming up with new ways to sass each other.” 

“You love my sass,” Obi-Wan said with a laugh. 

“I love your _ass_ ,” Cody teased. “I don't know so much about the backtalk.” 

Obi-Wan pulled away from Cody and gave him a sly look as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Is that why you own a gag now? To shut me up whenever you want?” It had been interesting, looking through the bag Cody had shoved into the back of the closet and not touched. He had a feeling Breha had taken Cody shopping before they came out here. 

Cody followed him with a hungry look in his eyes. Obi-Wan shivered as careful hands cupped his face and then Cody was brushing a chaste kiss over his lips. “If I wanted to shut you up I hardly have to use a _gag_ , Obi. All I have to do is get you on your knees.” Obi-Wan nipped Cody's bottom lip and tried to lean away, only Cody stopped him by gripping the back of his neck with a warm hand. “Oh no, _cyare_ , not this time.” 

Obi-Wan licked his lips. “No?” he asked. 

“Games have a time and place,” Cody said. “Now's not the time.” 

“Now's the perfect time,” Obi-Wan said. He slid between Cody and the bed and backed away from the other with a laugh. Cody had overbalanced and fallen into the bed and now he just looked hungry. It was intoxicating, knowing that they could play like this and there would be nothing to interrupt them. No war, no reports, no _vod’e_ \--there was nothing except themselves and wasn’t that thrilling? 

“Oh is it?” Cody asked, managing to turn his tumble against the bed into an indulgent looking sprawl. “And why’s that?” 

Obi-Wan smiled, biting his bottom lip as he did in delight. “Because it's just us,” he said. “It's only us.” 

“How can it be us when you're all the way over there?” Cody teased with a wicked grin. “You should come join me on this nice bed.” 

“I think you need to work for it first.” 

“Haven't I been ‘working for it’ for the past six years?” Cody asked as he sat up, arching an eyebrow. There was a gleam in his eye and a tilt to his smile that sent Obi-Wan’s blood thrumming in his veins. 

“Oh, if we're going that far back then you might as well stay you’ve been working for it for seven years,” Obi-Wan said as he took two steps back. He was almost pressed up against the wall and he couldn't keep the near manic grin off his face. 

Cody slid off the bed and took a step towards him. “I've always been after you, you insane man,” he said, words heavy with affection. “Why else would I follow half the crap you planned?” 

“You’re just as much of an adrenaline junkie as I?” Obi-Wan guessed, feeling the adrenaline surge now as Cody advanced on him. 

“Oh, you have no idea,” Cody said. 

“Don't I?” Obi-Wan asked as Cody came closer. 

He waited before trying to bolt away but Cody was fast, grabbing him around the waist and hauling him in close. Cody’s chest against his back was warm and distracting and his arm was tight against him, offering no give. Obi-Wan let his fingers trail over Cody's forearm, feeling his muscles and bones and tried to suppress a shudder. 

“Did you think you could run from me? The bedroom isn't that big, _cyare_ ,” Cody rumbled, nosing his ear. 

Obi-Wan pressed back into Cody and kissed his cheek. “What if I want you to chase me?” 

“It's not that big of a room.” 

“So?” Obi-Wan asked, grinning. “Isn't that part of the fun?” 

“So much trouble,” Cody sighed, one hand sliding down to rest hot and heavy and _there_ on Obi-Wan’s thigh. “You want fun? You want something more exciting than just a tumble in the sheets?” Obi-Wan tilted his head to the side and let Cody drag his teeth against his skin. He didn’t know, exactly, what he wanted. He just wanted...more? “I’m not playing with you, not for our first time in so long. But afterwards? I can do that.” 

Obi-Wan turned in his arms and kissed him. “Then by all means, _riduur_ , do what you want with me.” 

Cody smiled. “Oh, I plan to.” 

Obi-Wan shivered and pulled Cody back into a kiss. He couldn’t wait. 

= 

Cody had to admit, he was impressed with the damage they’d done to the room. It wasn’t often either of them honestly let go. Though, in truth, the few times they could they were either in hotels that would definitely ask questions, or the Jedi Temple, where it would most assuredly be noticed if Obi-Wan’s control slipped. 

The bed had broken, which hadn’t exactly stopped them, as had the coffee table. There were some broken chairs, but mostly because they’d gotten in the way and Obi-Wan had lost his patience with them. A few of the paintings had fallen off the walls, which was… Okay, that was both their faults. The frames were completely busted but the art itself was fine. One of the rugs had been shoved all the way up against the door because it had irritated Obi-Wan, but Cody was pretty sure it was one of those types that shouldn’t have been moved. 

“You know,” Cody said, an arm under his head. “We maybe went a little too far.” 

Obi-Wan, who was draped across Cody’s chest and wearing what remained of one of the sheets, snorted. “You think?” 

“We can’t fix all this damage,” Cody said. “Bail might have a problem with it. And if not him, Breha--” 

Obi-Wan stretched out over him and kissed his chin. “Relax,” he said. “I’m pretty sure they expected some amount of damage involved. This is me, after all.” 

Cody squinted down at the ginger head on his chest and ran a teasing finger along the other’s spine to watch him squirm. “Do I want to know?” 

“Nope,” Obi-Wan said breezily. 

“At least that’s out of our systems,” Cody said, pulling Obi-Wan into his arms and curling around the other man. His body felt lethargic and well-used in the best way. Part of him just wanted to nap while the other part of him wanted to revel in this feeling for as long as possible. 

Obi-Wan hummed in contentment and twisted around so they were spooning a little easier. “You sure? We have a lot of time to make up for.” 

“But we have years ahead of us now,” Cody said with a satisfied hum. “We’ll figure it out.” 

They were quiet for a while, just enjoying the simple feel of being close to each other. Cody had closed his eyes and was contemplating a nap when Obi-Wan spoke: 

“What did you say to Rex?” he asked. “Back in the hall, when he looked like you had bashed him on the head.” 

Cody felt the smile stretch across his face and kissed Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “Ahsoka’s on her way. He hasn’t seen her in about a year, I think, he said. She pops in and out but doesn’t usually stay long enough for a visit. There’s always something catching fire in the Galaxy and she flies off to put it out. He’s missed her.” 

“Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I fought for her,” Obi-Wan said quietly. “If anything would have changed.” 

Cody considered the statement, and what he knew of the past, and sighed. “Well, I doubt it would have stopped Skywalker’s Fall. They were good for each other, for the 501st.” Cody paused. “Eh, what do I know, I’m just an old clone.” 

Obi-Wan gave a pointed look at the room. “If that’s what you call ‘old’ then we have some exciting years ahead of us.” He took Cody’s hand in his and laced their fingers together. “There’s a lot of reasons I didn’t fight for her, her and Anakin getting on so well was one of them. Even as upset as the 212th and Plo were, I could see where Yoda was coming from. Did I think it would work? No, but it was worth a shot, I supposed.” 

“Are you going to tell her?” Cody asked. 

Obi-Wan heaved a great sigh, his chest filling and then emptying slowly. “I don’t know. Maybe.” 

“You know she was the one who was sending reports on you back to Bail,” Cody said. 

“We trained her too well and not well enough,” Obi-Wan said, turning around in Cody’s arms. Cody opened his eyes and pressed a kiss to the furrow in Obi-Wan’s brow. There were hands on his chest, just resting there, but Cody knew when Obi-Wan was trying to anchor himself to the present by now. “How did everything fall apart so fast?” 

“Sith,” Cody said. 

“It couldn’t just have been him,” Obi-Wan said. “As much as I would love to blame him for everything, not all of it is Palpatine’s fault.” 

“Ninety-five percent,” Cody said. “It’s ninety-five percent his fault.” 

“It’s at least twelve percent my fault,” Obi-Wan said. “I’ll accept nothing less.” 

Cody snorted out a laugh. “Go to sleep, fool.” 

“Such disrespect,” Obi-Wan said with a smile, settling easily against him. “Who would have thought?” 

“You had me pegged the moment I was transferred to you,” Cody said. “Don’t you remember?” 

“I remember no such thing,” Obi-Wan said, voice muffled by Cody’s chest. “I believe my thoughts ran somewhere along the lines of, ‘Oh no, he’s hot’, and spent the next month demanding Mace take you back.” 

Cody blinked. He’d always thought that whole discussion was because General Kenobi had caught him bitching to Rex about suicidal fools who couldn’t fight a war without a nursemaid and he wanted a _real_ Jedi. That put those first few months in an entirely new light. 

= 

Obi-Wan’s dreams were odd. 

There was something in his mind, something he hadn’t noticed before, and the sound of scratching echoed all around him in the shadows. Darkness curled around the edges of his mind, beckoning to him, calling him to open to them as the sound of something--an animal?-- _scraaaaatched_ with intent somewhere he couldn’t see. 

He stood, arms wrapped around himself, as he faced the ever-growing Darkness. There was a stench, a horrible smell like rotting meat that had been left to cook for too long. Sulfur and _heat_ surrounded him with the smell of rot. 

“ _Master_ ,” a honeyed voice crooned as the scratching intensified. “ _Brother. Open the bond. Let me in. I’m so cold._ ” 

Obi-Wan took a step back, startled. 

The scratching paused. 

“ _Obi-Wan, please, I’m so cold_ ,” a little boy’s voice pleaded. They sounded close to tears. “ _Let me in? Please? Just this once, I promise._ ” 

Obi-Wan felt something knot in his chest, an uncomfortable feeling of dread and horror and also hope. He took a hesitant step forward in the echoing silence, then another, reaching out to touch the rotting rope of light-- 

\--another hand came down on his wrist. He looked up, startled, to find Master Qui-Gon there. He looked like he had at his death, only with his face etched in worry and sadness. Master Qui-Gon shook his head but stayed silent. 

The rattling started again, as if something was throwing themselves--itself?--against the emptiness of space repeatedly. The space around Obi-Wan began to shake and he felt as if he were about to lose his balance, as if he were under siege. Almost...almost as if he was onboard a cruiser in the Wars again, being bombarded by unseen enemies. 

“ _LET ME IIIINNN!!”_ the voice screamed, a mixture of that little boy’s voice and the honeyed one from before. “ _Don’t you ignore me! You can’t! You’re_ mine _! I won’t let anyone keep you from me!_ ” 

Obi-Wan took a step back, swallowing thickly. Anakin. That, that was Anakin. Master Qui-Gon let go of his wrist but stayed near the still glowing bond of rot, guarding it. 

The rattling stopped. 

Obi-Wan glanced at Master Qui-Gon but the other only looked grim. 

_Sccccrrrrraaaaaaaatcccch…_

“ _Master_ ,” Anakin purred. “ _Master, don’t you miss me? Don’t you want to_ save _me? How can you save me if you don’t let me in_?” 

Obi-Wan shuddered as the Darkness around him began to take shape and reach for him, almost as if it had a mind of its own. He stumbled back a step and then another as tendrils of seeking Darkness crept towards him. No, no, he didn’t want the Dark. He was of the Light. He couldn’t, he-- 

Master Qui-Gon was there, between him and the Darkness, shielding him. 

“ _Whoever is stopping me can’t save you forever_ ,” Anakin said in that sweet, sweet voice. “ _Sooner or later you’ll be mine, my Master, my brother. I won’t let anyone else have you._ ” 

Obi-Wan watched as flame burst into existence in the silence around him, hungry and demanding flames that burned bright and too hot. The space around him shuddered and rattled again, cracks starting to appear all around him. Cracks in the darkness where flames slipped through, licking hungrily at the nothingness they touched. He raised a hand to cover his nose and mouth, coughing from the heat. 

“ _I’ll burn them all_ ,” Anakin whispered. 

Master Qui-Gon reached out and touched Obi-Wan’s forehead with an apologetic look. There was a scream, outraged, and then-- 

Then he was sitting up in bed with a gasp, trying to untangle himself from Cody and falling out of bed in a panic. 

What in the Force’s name was that? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry 8D


End file.
